help (9)

This post is on the D/s Relationships web board.

Sun 19 Oct 08, 7:13 PM
Miss_Psycho_Sexy
UK, 19 mths
Y! Having indulged in a D/s relationship for sometime now and being involved in a vanilla relationship with the same individual, I have been deserted by my libido. I mean totally. Nothing to do with my partner as I still love him and I haven't found something elsewhere or anything like that. I have no idea what to do as I fear this may spell the end of our relationship as NOTHING, I mean NOTHING gets me in the mood or even slighly arouses me. I just want things to go back to the way they were but it's not looking hopeful. I get angry and resentful when my partner even brings up the subject as I am so frustrated by the situation. I know IC is not a counselling service but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced something similar and if so, what they did about it?

19 Oct 08, 7:27 PM
Madame_Jude
UK(ME), 15 mths
Y!
That happened to me. I divorced him. Probably not very helpful...
Have you tried going back to dating? Worked for a friend of mine. Arrange to meet and pretend you've only just met. Try to remember what you like about him in the forst place.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow – anon

19 Oct 08, 7:37 PM
Sunny_Disposition
13 mths

Miss_Psycho_Sexy wrote:
I get angry and resentful
A loss of libido within a relationship is usually your subconsciousness's way of punishing the other person for things behaviour's that you resent or not getting your own way, etc.
You can work on the relationship and figure out what's not making you happy.
One other idea, is just to have sex, even though you don't want it. Allow it just to happen, experience it, and so on, don't try, but something might jog a pleasant memory.

19 Oct 08, 7:40 PM
GraemeBD
UK(LS), 3 yrs
Miss_Psycho_Sexy wrote:
help
Having indulged in a D/s relationship for sometime now and being involved in a vanilla relationship with the same individual, I have been deserted by my libido. I mean totally. Nothing to do with my partner as I still love him and I haven't found something elsewhere or anything like that. I have no idea what to do as I fear this may spell the end of our relationship as NOTHING, I mean NOTHING gets me in the mood or even slighly arouses me. I just want things to go back to the way they were but it's not looking hopeful. I get angry and resentful when my partner even brings up the subject as I am so frustrated by the situation. I know IC is not a counselling service but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced something similar and if so, what they did about it?
I agree with the last post, try to go back to how it was in the beggining, relax & talk to each other about everything from the weather , time of day to asking those personal Q's you wanted to know when you were just getting to know each other.
I read a lot of agony aunt columns (yes I'm sad but they haven't printed mine yet )in the papers & this comes up a lot, they suggest just forget about sex & go back to intamacy, hugging, cuddling, touching, stroking, kissing, licking the body not genitals etc. But dont try to have sex leave that part well alone & you will be suprised how much you will want it soon enough.
Hope this helps.
all above comments are my own opinion feel free to ignore them if you wanna, you are not obliged to do any of them, but if it works please feel free to memo me private to tell me.

What is the speed of darkness?

19 Oct 08, 7:42 PM
Deviant_Mind
UK(EH), 2 yrs

Why don't you turn the tables and fuck him?
Edit - I didn't see you were a Domme.
Why don't you turn the tables and let him dominate *you*?
"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.
Edited 19 Oct 08, 7:45 PM by Deviant_Mind

19 Oct 08, 7:50 PM
FetishJess
UK(BN), 2 yrs

I've been off sex and playing for ages. I think it happens from time to time. Doesn't mean you don't like him or fancy him etc. There's probably stuff on your mind that you find hard to release. That doesn't offer any advice, but I think these things can turn around if you give yourself the space you need.
www.fetiqueuk.com www.brightonfab.com http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhKU-tmSQR8

19 Oct 08, 8:28 PM
HornyWhore
5 mths
Madame_Jude wrote:
That happened to me. I divorced him. Probably not very helpful...
Have you tried going back to dating? Worked for a friend of mine. Arrange to meet and pretend you've only just met. Try to remember what you like about him in the forst place.
I did the same thing but it was before i found my submissive self. Although this doesnt help your thread think you have answered a question i have recently been asking myself. Which is wether or not to try and leave the scene behind.
I have a friend who i trained with as a counsellor (she finished i dropped out lol) and i have just spoke to her about this. She suggested going back to dating and no sex for a set amount of time (a month or more). Just touching as in kissing and hugging. That take the pressure of you.....

20 Oct 08, 12:23 AM
Miss_Psycho_Sexy
UK, 19 mths
Y! OK so after careful consideration I have allowed my OH to play online while I sort myself out. I have attached the express conditions that he does not take another Mistress but he is allowed to sub to other males. He is going to send me an email account of his exploits that I can choose whether or not to read. You never know, reading them may be the thing I need. If not, the pressure is off all the same so I can concentrate on getting my libido back

20 Oct 08, 9:00 AM
Skylord
UK, 13 mths

Does it focus on him alone or have you had a complete, total, across the board loss of libido?
If it is just him, ie you still feel sexual generally and you have sexual thoughts and desires about others, then it is probably due to something in the relationship.
If your lost libido is more general it could be due to something else going on in your life - life stage, relationships with family, stress at work etc.
The other thing to bear in mind is the possibility of a medical problem. This could also be behind a complete, total loss of libido.
If you still feel sexy generally then try the various techniques for reactivating your relationship - or dump him and move on.
If it is a total loss of libido then consider having a blood test to check your hormones. There are various conditions that can trigger a complete loss of libido and early diagnosis is always a good thing.
I don't want to alarm you. It is most likely to be purely psychological. But please do consider this.
Good luck.

20 Oct 08, 9:03 AM
spirifer
UK, 3 yrs

Skylord wrote:
The other thing to bear in mind is the possibility of a medical problem. This could also be behind a complete, total loss of libido.

And some medicines can affect libido. Have you started taking any new drugs recently?

The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation - Pierre Trudeau
A denizen of a right little, tight little island.


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