Don't know what to do! (12)

This post is on the D/s Relationships web board.

Thu 16 Oct 08, 1:25 PM
magpieuk
UK, 20 mths
I'm struggling to write this because I know what it is I want to know but don't know how to go about asking others for advice.
I'm currently in a situation where I'm being force to watch a good friend self-destruct through a combination of a heart the size of Britain itself and the self preservation instincts of a lemming.
For the first time in my life I wish I was a Domme so that it would be easier to GET them to save themselves either through the strength of my dominance or by the tactic of kidnapping and holding them until the situation which is hurting them has gone away
But is this just wistful/ self delusional feelings; are Dom/mes just as helpless as me in the face of another person right to choice.
I have the urge to beg people to tell me what it is I should do. The one thing I can't do is walk away and turn a blind eye. The other thing I can't do is indulge in a prescriptive cure of throttling - ie when you feel the tension rising throttle person causing it as necessary. Do not exceed more than 3 deaths a day.
It's weird trying to explain to someone that their being a defeatist doesn't mean they are capable of beating everyone else. The only one their deafeat is themselves.

16 Oct 08, 1:47 PM
Keeperofthewench
UK(EH), 3 yrs
Without knowing details, all I can say is have a proper heart to heart, tell them how this is all affecting you, and stamp your feet and scream... after all your own self preservation is important to
He's not Judge Judy and executioner

16 Oct 08, 1:48 PM
Lady_Lucan
UK(L), 15 mths
In what way is your friend self-destructing? Have they any awareness of your feelings about this, or have they ever commented on their own behaviour?
It's just like the Sixties. Except there's less hope.

16 Oct 08, 2:14 PM
TheFalconer
UK(S), 3 yrs

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Just support your friend as best as you can and try not to let too much of the stress and anguish spill over to you.
"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde

16 Oct 08, 2:32 PM
magpieuk
UK, 20 mths
O I can take pretty much anything me - broad shoulders and all that - my main problem is frustration. (But thanks for the support much appreciated)
The situation is that my friend is in a bad relationship which is destructive all round but they can't seem to extricate themselves - they themselves have said they need to go for everyone involved sake but then the weeping, the wailing, the wobbling bottom lip will be aimed in their direction and it's back to square one.
I have the urge to introduce them to the co-dependency network!
'Bugrit, millenium hand & shrimp'
'The heavings of the bosoms are a site to be seen'

16 Oct 08, 2:33 PM
Keeperofthewench
UK(EH), 3 yrs
Introduce them to a smack upside the head.... crude but effective
He's not Judge Judy and executioner

16 Oct 08, 2:36 PM
Lady_Lucan
UK(L), 15 mths
IC is a co-dependency network?
It's just like the Sixties. Except there's less hope.

16 Oct 08, 2:44 PM
CarolinaMoon
IE, 21 mths

You could have an open chat with your friend and explain your concerns for them. Be aware though that if the problem is in relation to a relationship that they are in that they may not want to listen and may be resentful of what you say.
I don't think it matters whether you are dom or sub in this situation. All you can do is let them know that you are worried about them and be there for them...and take care of yourself too x

16 Oct 08, 2:50 PM
Doghouse_Reilly
UK(E), 3 yrs

If somebody is indulging in overtly self destructive behaviour then generally, whether they know it or not, it is that old chestnut, a cry for help. Sometimes the subconscious makes the conscious mind do some pretty silly things as a sort of signal flare that something is wrong.
With this in mind the only correct course of action is to slap the person round the face and tell them to grow up. Remind them that they are nobody special and that life owes them nothing but pain, disappointment and a lonely death.
Oh wait sorry, I cut and pasted that from my application form to work for the Samaritans. Seriously what you actually need to do is reign your friend in, once they know that somebody has noticed their plight it should make them more responsive to a voice of reason. Failing that the worst case scenario is your friend just has a fatal character flaw and you're going to have to sit back and watch them crash and burn. Happens to the best of us.
It's a trap.

16 Oct 08, 2:53 PM
Lady_Lucan
UK(L), 15 mths
You been at the Bret Easton Ellis again, Reilly?
It's just like the Sixties. Except there's less hope.

16 Oct 08, 4:53 PM
magpieuk
UK, 20 mths

DomRoss wrote:
Introduce them to a smack upside the head.... crude but effective
Hmmm don't think that solution hasn't occurred to me - it was when I found myself casting around for the nearest piece of hefty wood that I realised that writing this post might be more constructive
'Bugrit, millenium hand & shrimp'
'The heavings of the bosoms are a site to be seen'

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