Dangerous territory. (34)

Cuteprincess's profile

Cuteprincess
Posted by Cuteprincess on Mon 13 Oct 08, 12:50 AM

Tags: Swindon (SN)

I'm seriously in danger of becoming disillusioned, and thoroughly pissed off. Tonight, (yes it's now very late), I have heard of two episodes, both firsthand, of subs ruining great relationships, and not relationships that the subs themselves were involved in. In both cases, the subs involved were using the BDSM lifestyle as a mask for deeper desires - plain old sex. Now don't get me wrong, sex is great- in it's place, but the sex I'm referring to here has nothing to do with the lifestyle. The sex I'm talking about is the good old fashioned, any position, any time, VANILLA shag. I guess I feel sorry for those subs, both male, incidentally, as this is clearly the only way they can get their rocks off. What makes me angry is the fact that one of these subs dispensed these, oh, so worthy, pearls of wisdom regarding sex, assuring other very new people into the scene, that not only was sex with several others, necessary, but practically compulsory! Not quite what newbies need or even want, to hear. That alone makes me ashamed to be associated with subdom.

But that's not even the worst of it. Earlier tonight, at a fetish event, I witnessed what was probably the most despicable of all wannabe happenings. I witnessed what I call the "Fake Dom/Master (insert as applicable) Syndrome".

The "Dom" in question had the sub tied and gagged, and was using a variety of instruments on her. After a period of time, she was clearly becoming very uncomfortable, and was protesting. The body language was showing signs of distress. On two occasions, she could clearly be heard to say, " No, I need a break". Given that she was gagged, this took some doing. All of you subs out there, who have ever been gagged, will know how much of an effort this must have been to get those words out, let alone, clearly. The "Dom's" reaction? Well simply to carry on, obviously. When exactly did the word "No" cease to exist? I was under the misguided impression that no really DID mean no. I was obviously asleep when that particular word became obsolete, and without meaning. Oh, I forgot, he "pleasured" her for approximately 30 seconds. This was clearly designed to try and make her forget about the pain she was in. What a shame it didn't work. When the scene was finally stopped, this wonderful, caring and considerate "Dom" stalked off, leaving the poor sub to trail behind, miserably. Aftercare? Yeah, right, what aftercare?

I'm certainly no newbie, but I was sickened by this little performance I witnessed, and a couple of real newbies had to walk away as they were so upset by what they saw. A great example to show new people to the lifestyle.

So is it any wonder I am ranting? Is it any wonder I am disillusioned? Wannabe subs cause a great deal of damage. Wannabe "Doms/Masters" are just bloody dangerous. SSC? Yes it exists, but only with a very small minority. Watch out for those wannabes - that's seriously dangerous territory.

Replies

13 Oct 08, 12:54 AM
MsDemmie
UK(EX), 9 yrs
Y!
Next time flag it up to a DM - that is assuming the fetish event had DM's.
Tell them quietly what your concerns are and ask them to check it out. Any responsible DM will do so.

"Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph." Haile Selassie, 1892-1975

13 Oct 08, 1:11 AM
Panzuzu
3 yrs The 'scene' attracts a lot of dilettantes, posers, and tourists. Has ever been the way. As great as places like IC are, they also feed this. *shrug* Beyond acting on individual situations, if you dwell on it it will drive you out.

13 Oct 08, 7:53 AM
x_SIX_x
UK(SN), 10 mths
Y!
This is some sad news to hear about when people just go out to get what they want under false lables. All they want is their own enjoyment and sod anything or anyone else. If you had said something to the acting DM then they should have sorted it out. Failing that in form the organisers and they will sort it. This sort of thing needs to be stopped for every one who is genuine or the whole scene suffers, everyone sould be looking out for each other.
SIX
Some people have thoughts and feelings, others don't they just exist.
Edited 13 Oct 08, 7:56 AM by x_SIX_x

13 Oct 08, 8:19 AM
Storm_in_a_C_cup
21 mths
As has been previously stated any group, organisation or scene will attract some less than desirable people.
What you have to remember is that this does not reflect on anyone but those acting in an unacceptable manner. Just by being present during an unpleasant scene does not make you part of it, aside from mentioning any concerns you have to a DM you are only responsible for yourself and your own behavior.
It's unfortunate that you witnessed something which made you feel uncomfortable, though not knowing the couple involved it is difficult to determine whether that is actually the way they like to play and therefore possibly still consensual in all respects.
Yes everyone should look out for each other to an extent but to shoulder responsibility of other peoples morals, choices and judgments ? A no win situation which will leave you drained and disillusioned. Enjoy yourself and those people who you do respect, there are plenty of nice guys out there who deserve your time and energy.

13 Oct 08, 8:47 AM
Badg1Vo
UK, 2 yrs

Cuteprincess wrote:
The "Dom" in question had the sub tied and gagged, and was using a variety of instruments on her. After a period of time, she was clearly becoming very uncomfortable, and was protesting. The body language was showing signs of distress. On two occasions, she could clearly be heard to say, " No, I need a break". Given that she was gagged, this took some doing. All of you subs out there, who have ever been gagged, will know how much of an effort this must have been to get those words out, let alone, clearly. The "Dom's" reaction? Well simply to carry on, obviously. When exactly did the word "No" cease to exist? I was under the misguided impression that no really DID mean no.

I agree with others that involving a DM would have been the right move to make.
Whilst you describe how the body language you saw suggested "No" should have meant "No", we don't know what their agreement was.
Perhaps "no" means "NO". Perhaps "No" means "I want to use my safeword, but am in a state where I can't remember it". Perhaps "No" means "please don't but I leave it to your judgement". Perhaps "No" means "we've agreed this, I'll beg and plead but I want you to carry on unless I use my safeword".
In the absence of knowing what they had agreed, and how well they knew each other, its hard to say for sure. I agree that given it wasn't just "No" but "No, I need a break" will make it more likely it is one of the earlier examples I've stated, but only they know which it was.
I'm not suggesting it was the case here, but as general advice: If people are planning a "no safeword" or "punishment" scene at a club where people not involved may witness it and potentially misunderstand, then let a DM know in advance, to cover that situation.
Hence the advice for what you might have done .. let a DM know, and let them make the call.
Cheers, Badg1.
Edited 13 Oct 08, 8:49 AM by Badg1Vo

13 Oct 08, 9:52 AM
Cuteprincess
UK(SN), 21 mths

MsDemmie wrote:
Next time flag it up to a DM - that is assuming the fetish event had DM's.
Tell them quietly what your concerns are and ask them to check it out. Any responsible DM will do so.

Hi, I would have done, but at that point in time, the DM wasn't about.

13 Oct 08, 9:53 AM
Cuteprincess
UK(SN), 21 mths

Panzuzu wrote:
The 'scene' attracts a lot of dilettantes, posers, and tourists. Has ever been the way. As great as places like IC are, they also feed this. *shrug* Beyond acting on individual situations, if you dwell on it it will drive you out.
Exactly my point, hence the disillusionment.

13 Oct 08, 9:54 AM
Cuteprincess
UK(SN), 21 mths

Scorpio_26 wrote:
This is some sad news to hear about when people just go out to get what they want under false lables. All they want is their own enjoyment and sod anything or anyone else. If you had said something to the acting DM then they should have sorted it out. Failing that in form the organisers and they will sort it. This sort of thing needs to be stopped for every one who is genuine or the whole scene suffers, everyone sould be looking out for each other.
SIX
Hi Six, I couldn't agree more, but as I said, the DM wasn't about. x

13 Oct 08, 10:00 AM
Cuteprincess
UK(SN), 21 mths

Storm_in_a_C_cup wrote:
As has been previously stated any group, organisation or scene will attract some less than desirable people.
What you have to remember is that this does not reflect on anyone but those acting in an unacceptable manner. Just by being present during an unpleasant scene does not make you part of it, aside from mentioning any concerns you have to a DM you are only responsible for yourself and your own behavior.
It's unfortunate that you witnessed something which made you feel uncomfortable, though not knowing the couple involved it is difficult to determine whether that is actually the way they like to play and therefore possibly still consensual in all respects.
Yes everyone should look out for each other to an extent but to shoulder responsibility of other peoples morals, choices and judgments ? A no win situation which will leave you drained and disillusioned. Enjoy yourself and those people who you do respect, there are plenty of nice guys out there who deserve your time and energy.

Thanks for your comments. However, the fact that this scene disturbed me, as a very experienced sub, in a 24/7 D/s relationship rang alarm bells. I have witnessed many scenes over the years, and admittedly, as you say, the play may well have been consensual and the couple's style of play, but this sub was in real distress. At the time, I was standing with a brand new couple, who were visibly shaken by what they witnessed. Not a terrific message to be sending to them about SSC. Oh, and incidentally, I'm not looking for any nice guys out there - I already have one of my own!

13 Oct 08, 10:05 AM
Cuteprincess
UK(SN), 21 mths

Badg1Vo wrote:

Cuteprincess wrote:
The "Dom" in question had the sub tied and gagged, and was using a variety of instruments on her. After a period of time, she was clearly becoming very uncomfortable, and was protesting. The body language was showing signs of distress. On two occasions, she could clearly be heard to say, " No, I need a break". Given that she was gagged, this took some doing. All of you subs out there, who have ever been gagged, will know how much of an effort this must have been to get those words out, let alone, clearly. The "Dom's" reaction? Well simply to carry on, obviously. When exactly did the word "No" cease to exist? I was under the misguided impression that no really DID mean no.

I agree with others that involving a DM would have been the right move to make.
Whilst you describe how the body language you saw suggested "No" should have meant "No", we don't know what their agreement was.
Perhaps "no" means "NO". Perhaps "No" means "I want to use my safeword, but am in a state where I can't remember it". Perhaps "No" means "please don't but I leave it to your judgement". Perhaps "No" means "we've agreed this, I'll beg and plead but I want you to carry on unless I use my safeword".
In the absence of knowing what they had agreed, and how well they knew each other, its hard to say for sure. I agree that given it wasn't just "No" but "No, I need a break" will make it more likely it is one of the earlier examples I've stated, but only they know which it was.
I'm not suggesting it was the case here, but as general advice: If people are planning a "no safeword" or "punishment" scene at a club where people not involved may witness it and potentially misunderstand, then let a DM know in advance, to cover that situation.
Hence the advice for what you might have done .. let a DM know, and let them make the call.
Cheers, Badg1.

Hi, I would have done exactly that, ie reporting it to a DM, if one had been around. But what I didn't put into the weblog was his reply, when she said, not once, but twice, "No, I need a break" through a gag. His reply was "No, I'm going to give you some more". Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this in the weblog, but this particular "Dom" was clearly cane happy, and not terribly experienced, as he managed to miss the target area twice and left two really deep welts on the sub's leg. Thanks for your comments, anyway.

Next page


	©1997-2009 Informed Consent