Advice for unattached male subs (20)

Moved from BDSM Activism

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

Sat 11 Oct 08, 10:24 PM
menigma
UK(HA), 3 yrs
This post is written to try and offer advice in plain, simple language for a huge group of people who just don't get it, mostly male subs.
I see so many posts on here, kind of “ I've been on IC for three whole weeks and a day and I haven't met my ideal domme yet, where am I going wrong”
I've been lucky enough to have met many sadistic types (my ideal) on here since I first joined but I'm writing this as a guy who has only recently for the first time submitted to a Domme, in essence all I'm offering is sensible advice, I think and hope.
It didn't happen overnight for me but over the last few years I've met some fantastic folks on IC and I now get to play with some people that have the most outstanding reputations.
I am first and foremost an edge playing masochist but no matter what your orientation one of your first priorities is to be honest. You need to be honest to the person you want to attract and just as importantly you need to be honest with yourself, do not embellish. You must be, in person the same person you portray to be on your profile site.
I can honestly say that I am as shy as hell if I were to meet a new date in a pub etc. but catch me at a munch or other gathering of the like minded and I abandon my shell, do the same FFS. When you're with others of your ilk be yourself because they're just as likely to be as shy as you, remember, you're with friends and remember not all Dommes are without shyness themselves.
Have a well written profile, mine's shite, I mean to make amendments. Your pictures say so much, a decent face shot speaks volumes, be amusing in what you write, don't rely on a comedy face shot, or worse, if you know what I mean. Don't say I'll this, that and the other when you won't, in truth, have any of it, don't say “I love watersports” if you can't stand the smell of pee. Do not do “Cyber”, what you fantasize about must remain in your mind be true to your Domme and to yourself. Tell her your fantasy, it may float her boat or not. Admit and be truthful as to what you can do for your Mistress. Ok, She's trodden in a dog turd, do you offer to lick it off her boot or wipe it off, be careful what you offer.
Be honest, open, upfront and truthful, be patient and when the time is right be forthcoming and trustworthy. Yes, I think it's worse for male subs to find their ideal partner than females but you have to remain positive, hopeful and in the end patient, very patient. It worked for me, I'm no spring chicken or oil painting, I'm me, be you.
Here endeth the lesson
Menigma
Better you've come from nothing than nothing comes from you!

11 Oct 08, 10:45 PM
DarkLordDredd
UK(NG), 6 yrs
Y!
Very interesting and I can not agree more with what you say, just don't think it is really a BDSM activism topic?

11 Oct 08, 10:53 PM
DarkLordDredd
UK(NG), 6 yrs
Y!
To me it is more for the UK D/s Relationships board, but that is merely my opinion. It is an excellent psot none the less and i agree with everything you say.

11 Oct 08, 10:54 PM
awakened
UK(CF), 20 mths

menigma wrote:
What is it then?
Well it's sortof an FAQ cum (nudge, wink) sticky thread, isn't it? IC doesn't do sticky threads or an FAQ page, so yours probably belongs more in Website Help or D/S relationships. Either way, and even though it's good advice, it ain't anything to do with activism.

11 Oct 08, 11:09 PM
awakened
UK(CF), 20 mths

menigma wrote:
You both have a right to your opinion. I was'nt sure a post like this really belonged on. Admin will probably have the last say, until then

On second thoughts, maybe it belongs in Other BDSM
The difficulty with any thread like this is firstly that, as it's not a sticky, the only new subs who'll stand a chance of reading it will be the ones who join today.
The second thing you're doing (and with a degree of justification) is, to a degree, generalising about the sort of thing subs "should" do and "should" be. Just as subs all approach the thing from different angles, it follows that there are some Dommes/Doms out there who are looking for people who are comfortable being themselves, rather than conforming to some identikit "how to be a good sub on IC" instruction manual.

11 Oct 08, 11:21 PM
DarkLordDredd
UK(NG), 6 yrs
Y!
Looks like admin did get their way lol
Edited 11 Oct 08, 11:22 PM by DarkLordDredd

12 Oct 08, 3:53 PM
menigma
UK(HA), 3 yrs
wow
Better you've come from nothing than nothing comes from you!

12 Oct 08, 5:44 PM
substrate66
UK(M), 5 mths

menigma wrote:
You need to be honest to the person you want to attract and just as importantly you need to be honest with yourself, do not embellish. You must be, in person the same person you portray to be on your profile site.

Well said menigma, the essence of your argument is true of all networking and dating sites. I'd also add that if you are lucky enough to get a date, whatever you do, don't chicken out.
Moderation in all things, including moderation

12 Oct 08, 5:54 PM
Jahc99
UK, 2 yrs

menigma wrote:
Have a well written profile, mine's shite, I mean to make amendments. Your pictures say so much, a decent face shot speaks volumes, be amusing in what you write, don't rely on a comedy face shot, or worse, if you know what I mean. Don't say I'll this, that and the other when you won't, in truth, have any of it.....
Therein is much goodness - humour, wit, honesty and self honesty, prepared to make fun of yourself and human limitations. I do baulk at the face shot tho, for my own reasons.
But what astounds me is that people expect others to flock to them when they display none of these things, which of course they don't, and then whinge about it, just to make double sure!
Nice thread menigma dude.
Now go and tell an egg how to suck granny.

12 Oct 08, 5:54 PM
MasterCyn
UK(CH), 2 yrs
Y!
Yeah, he's right all the way (regardless of where its posted) just follow the advice of countless early nineties hip hop tracks and "Express yourself" not what you think others may want. Just cuase its in the web dont mean than its different than meeting in real life. Just that this way you dont have the nerves of face to face contact.

13 Oct 08, 12:45 AM
waterbouy
4 mths

menigma wrote:
Advice for unattached male subs
This post is written to try and offer advice in plain, simple language for a huge group of people who just don't get it, mostly male subs.
I see so many posts on here, kind of “ I've been on IC for three whole weeks and a day and I haven't met my ideal domme yet, where am I going wrong”
I've been lucky enough to have met many sadistic types (my ideal) on here since I first joined but I'm writing this as a guy who has only recently for the first time submitted to a Domme, in essence all I'm offering is sensible advice, I think and hope.
It didn't happen overnight for me but over the last few years I've met some fantastic folks on IC and I now get to play with some people that have the most outstanding reputations.
I am first and foremost an edge playing masochist but no matter what your orientation one of your first priorities is to be honest. You need to be honest to the person you want to attract and just as importantly you need to be honest with yourself, do not embellish. You must be, in person the same person you portray to be on your profile site.
I can honestly say that I am as shy as hell if I were to meet a new date in a pub etc. but catch me at a munch or other gathering of the like minded and I abandon my shell, do the same FFS. When you're with others of your ilk be yourself because they're just as likely to be as shy as you, remember, you're with friends and remember not all Dommes are without shyness themselves.
Have a well written profile, mine's shite, I mean to make amendments. Your pictures say so much, a decent face shot speaks volumes, be amusing in what you write, don't rely on a comedy face shot, or worse, if you know what I mean. Don't say I'll this, that and the other when you won't, in truth, have any of it, don't say “I love watersports” if you can't stand the smell of pee. Do not do “Cyber”, what you fantasize about must remain in your mind be true to your Domme and to yourself. Tell her your fantasy, it may float her boat or not. Admit and be truthful as to what you can do for your Mistress. Ok, She's trodden in a dog turd, do you offer to lick it off her boot or wipe it off, be careful what you offer.
Be honest, open, upfront and truthful, be patient and when the time is right be forthcoming and trustworthy. Yes, I think it's worse for male subs to find their ideal partner than females but you have to remain positive, hopeful and in the end patient, very patient. It worked for me, I'm no spring chicken or oil painting, I'm me, be you.
Here endeth the lesson
Menigma

I think more to the point is what IC is about for the newbie male sub here. If you have a thirst for in depth detail on a whole range of subjects or want to know what's happening where, IC is great. For seeking a partner I'm afraid most are going to go catch on quickly and seek places where patience does not resemble an endurance test. It may sound a little harsh but many subs really don't need to know the ins and outs of the link between mental illness and BDSM or where to get a flux capacitor for their violet wand in order to have fun.
Here endeth my newbie input

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