advice for telling your nilla girl? (5)

rope_bunny's profile

rope_bunny
Posted by rope_bunny on Sat 11 Oct 08, 10:11 PM

Ok.

I have a girl i like a lot. i think she's vanilla. certainly, I've made comments ("I'm in a pub and a man in a puppy mask just walked past me" kind of thing) and they've been missed. Other things, involving conversations about 'whacking' have not been responded to in a kink way, although the invitation was there.

So. we met last night (I went to hers for the night). I decided i needed to be upfront about things before anything happened.

So, i told her i was poly, and wouldn't consider being in a mono relp. she told me she wasn't poly and that she had tried it before and it made her unhappy.

but after that there was some kissing, and a lot of chatting, and sleeping. (nothing else)

today was very lovely. we have been touchy-feely all day, on a fairly low level, but a lot of it (and i was happy to do it).

being confused after i got home still, i brought it up via text (i did ask her if she wanted to talk, but she was wanting to go to bed shortly).

She said that she was willing to try the poly, as last time had been a long time ago, different situation etc.

So.

I'm seeing her in a month. (she lives in London). About a week before that, i expect to be playing with a friend and possibly ending up with stripes.

So, I need to tell her that i'm kinky. I don't care if she's kinky or not, as long as she is ok with me being kinky elsewhere. I could really do with some advice on the best way to approach things, and when. she knows i have other stuff i want to tell her. i think it's done better face-to-face, but I'm not going to have that opportunity.

Advice, please?

Replies

11 Oct 08, 10:14 PM
Littleboots
UK(CB), 3 yrs

You could do worse than telling her about the Ipswich munch. If she knows what a munch is, no worries, if she doesn't it gives you the chance to explain in non-threatening language what one is.
A dirty mind is a joy for life.

11 Oct 08, 10:18 PM
rope_bunny
UK(IP), 11 mths

ooh, nice idea. she knows I'm running 'a group' on Tues, but doesn't know what it is. she didn't ask, i didn't volunteer..
"That didn't hurt. That didn't hurt. That didn't hurt. That hurt! (Do it again)"
~*~
"It's like she doesn't need other people to define who she is; she already knows."

11 Oct 08, 10:51 PM
thongadongalong
UK(DE), 23 mths
Y! you could be about to drive away your one true chance for real happyness - your future in a different world.
try the monag fetish if you value her enough to give up poly then there is more than a spark
Too many sub females are browbeaten into being subs it gives rise to all sorts of psychoschematic complexes and mock illness and trank dependance in later life.
Stop converting the world, consider her needs for once.

CB236 Stainless steel posts,guidepins,spacers,security etc to raise funds for wildlife group woodland project

11 Oct 08, 10:57 PM
rope_bunny
UK(IP), 11 mths

Hey.
Ok. I'm mostly sub, and certainly not looking to be a domme in this relationship. I'm also more than happy for this to be a vanilla open/poly relationship. That's not what the post is about. it's about how to tell her that some of the other people i am involved with are kinky.
i don't know her well enough to value her enough to give up anything, so right now, I am not considering giving anything up. I like the freedom i have in my life. I'm not about to give it up.
and i will happily consider her needs and give *her* up, if that is what she needs in order to be happy. I would think we can retain a friendship

thongadongalong wrote:
you could be about to drive away your one true chance for real happyness - your future in a different world.
try the monag fetish if you value her enough to give up poly then there is more than a spark
Too many sub females are browbeaten into being subs it gives rise to all sorts of psychoschematic complexes and mock illness and trank dependance in later life.
Stop converting the world, consider her needs for once.

"That didn't hurt. That didn't hurt. That didn't hurt. That hurt! (Do it again)"
~*~
"It's like she doesn't need other people to define who she is; she already knows."

12 Oct 08, 1:47 AM
Panzuzu
3 yrs I've always argued it's easier for monogs to adapt to being poly then vice versa. By christ, it gets me in trouble.
If you really feel for her, just be open and honest, and let whatever will be be. Anything else borders on coercion at worst and capitulation at best. If it's meant to be, you will find a way.
Good luck.


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