increasing submissiveness..is it possible (30)

This post is on the D/s Relationships web board.

Thu 9 Oct 08, 10:36 AM
dominalush
UK, 2 yrs
£
can you all help me with a dilema...what do you do if a prospective long term sub is brilliant to play with,great to have around,but just not properly submissive?he claims he really wants to be but it just dont come natural.Im one who thinks that youre either sub or domm or your not,i certainly never have to THINK how to be a dom,i just AM.he is begging to be allowed a chance to prove he can be really submissive.what can i do,what tasks can i set etc,that will help him to really get into a sub mindset.
to give pain is my pleasure......

9 Oct 08, 10:54 AM
choozy
UK, 16 mths
Y!
I can sympathise with him. I'm sexually and playfully submissive by nature but in everyday life I find it very hard to let go.
The general consensus seems to be that a Dom/Domme should know whats best for their sub, know them better than they know themselves but how can that be ?
I've been completely independant since I was 14 years old, I've bought and sold houses, raised two kids, been employed all my life, been through family tragedies, illnessess, accidents etc. I pretty much know most of what's to know about life.
How can anyone possible take care of me better than that ?
Choozy. x
One day my ship will come in, and knowing my luck, I'll be at the airport !!

9 Oct 08, 10:58 AM
kisses_for_me
UK(IP), 2 yrs
Y!

dominalush wrote:
can you all help me with a dilema...what do you do if a prospective long term sub is brilliant to play with,great to have around,but just not properly submissive?
Not a proper submissive by whose definition? That I think is the important question. It is quite possible that although you do not consider them a "proper sub" that another person would think them uber-slave.
he claims he really wants to be but it just dont come natural.
Dont come natural, or dont come natural with you? See above
Im one who thinks that youre either sub or domm or your not,i certainly never have to THINK how to be a dom,i just AM.
Its all about perspective, one persons dom is another persons overbaearing, control freak, asshole. Im my girls dom to her and some others, but to many others Im the latter
he is begging to be allowed a chance to prove he can be really submissive.what can i do,what tasks can i set etc,that will help him to really get into a sub mindset.
Get him to try a different dom, it seems if he cant for you, and you cant tease it out then it just aint gonna happen
It's easy to tell the difference between right and wrong. What's hard is choosing the wrong that's more right.
I tend to be suspicious of all true believers. Present company included.
Elise Kraft, The Siege.

9 Oct 08, 11:02 AM
CPeccavi
UK(L), 10 mths
I'm with Choozy on this one.
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. ~Ferdinand Foch

9 Oct 08, 11:18 AM
Backdooruk
UK(BA), 9 yrs

choozy wrote:
I can sympathise with him. I'm sexually and playfully submissive by nature but in everyday life I find it very hard to let go.
I think finding it hard to let go is very indicative of an adaptation to a tendency to submit.
Most people by the time they have reached adulthood have adapted any natural tendencies in such a way that makes them able to function successfully and securely in society. For less assertive people that often means drawing solid automatic boundaries for behavior that are hard to let go of even when they want to.
It can be hard breaking down those barriers, particularly the more subtle ones, but it isn't even going to start to happen unless there is a true willingness to do so. If that willingness is genuinely there, then half the battle is won. If a submisive doesn't think those barriers can be broken it makes it much harder.
- Chris
Anyone with a brain is manipulable. Only the truly unimaginative are difficult to control.
Edited 9 Oct 08, 11:20 AM by Backdooruk

9 Oct 08, 11:23 AM
Forsaken1
UK(B), 3 yrs
£
I'm with kisses for me on this one.
I've played with people that categorically state the they are not submissive in life only during play but take to it like a duck to water after a few well chosen actions, and some just laugh and tell me to fuck off!
Some see it as only being helpful but others do say that they felt compelled to do as they were told.
Even my GeeeGeee before we first got together said that she was a bottom but instantly felt submissive when she met me in real life.
It's a natural occurrence IMO, you either feel it from the start or it's just not there and no matter what you do it's a bit like swimming up stream, for every foot of ground you cover you always end up two foot back.
Damien
Head of The Tribe.
"it's official, I have no more tolerance for the intolerable" quote by me 2008

9 Oct 08, 11:28 AM
Jahc99
UK, 2 yrs

I am sure it is possible. These things take time, it is a cliche but it is a journey, so enjoy each step along the way as well as eventual arrival.
It's a process of emotional learning, as well as intellectual, experimentation, finding what works and what doesn't. So patience is the lubricant for success. So, so long as you are enjoying what you are doing now, give it that time. There can come a point when you hold the door open for them, and the choice becomes whether to wait for them to walk through on their own, or grab them by the scruff of the neck and hurl them through it. Usually a bit of both is required! Does that make sense?
Now go and tell an egg how to suck granny.

9 Oct 08, 11:28 AM
littlenic
UK(KT), 2 yrs
Have you talked about what's going in in both your heads?
In what way is his submissiveness not working? Is it something 'simple' - he keeps forgetting rules, protocols etc., - or is it deeper than that, that he feels stupid/wrong/irritated by submitting to your needs and desires?
Also, something else to think about - how long have you known each other? Certainly in my experience although there is that initial "choice", when someone inspires that feeling in you and you "choose" to pursue it, at first submission does often have a conscious element to it, which can be harder. Over time though, as feelings / fondness grows, it becomes "easier" and more natural. A bit more time might be just the thing?
Goodness...

9 Oct 08, 11:34 AM
x_zero_x
UK(DD), 7 yrs
Y!

dominalush wrote:
increasing submissiveness..is it possible
i believe so, my submissive feelings come and go depending on a lot of things, though at the hands of the right Dominant they all come flooding out at once.
Your day has finally come -
So wear the hat and do the dance
And let the suit keep wearing you.

9 Oct 08, 11:56 AM
NinjaBitch
3 yrs
It's possible that he believes he's submissive because he likes the idea of a dominant woman while forgetting to consider that one mustn't be submissive in order to be attracted to dominant partners.
Perfect behavio(u)r is born of complete indifference.

9 Oct 08, 2:27 PM
davidgreenlotus
UK(CB), 6 mths

choozy wrote:
I can sympathise with him. I'm sexually and playfully submissive by nature but in everyday life I find it very hard to let go.
The general consensus seems to be that a Dom/Domme should know whats best for their sub, know them better than they know themselves but how can that be ?
I've been completely independant since I was 14 years old, I've bought and sold houses, raised two kids, been employed all my life, been through family tragedies, illnessess, accidents etc. I pretty much know most of what's to know about life.
How can anyone possible take care of me better than that ?
Choozy. x
Its a good question. But being able to run your own life really well and deal with all the practical issues doesn't mean you can't also wish for (very deep down) and enjoy someone else taking charge from time to time. I don't think its a question of them 'solving problems better than you' or doing 'things', but more of an emotional reaction, meeting a deep-seated need to be able to actually 'let go' of your self and of the responsibility, and just enjoy the sensations that are presented.
Of course, this means a certain amount of preparation and building up trust and respect for each other, but being able to take someone through this experience is also quite humbling in a peculiar way.
And with practice the depth you can be taken to and the speed you are taken there may well surprise you. I think there is a whole lot more to life's experiences than the practical and physical needed for the business of living, or the familiar emotions, however capable you are.

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