What is a "Player"? (78)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

Fri 26 Sep 08, 7:27 AM
Proccie
UK(HP), 2 yrs

I have seen the term "player" used in a derogatory manner on this web site and in conversations at munches. "Oh they're just players" or"You don't want to mess with him he's just a player"
What do people think is meant by the term? I have my own views but I will leave those till later.
proccie
Zen S&M: The sound of one hand smacking.

26 Sep 08, 8:03 AM
Kookie
UK(E), 11 mths

someone who dosent fit in with the labeller's intentions.
Ive seen people get called players when something hasn't gone the other persons way in a mismatch.
Its not one of my terms but would take it to mean someone who lacks integrity. I can think of a couple of people who are/have been in high profile BDSM relationships just to get noticed/attention...I would class those as "players".

We are all in the gutter, just some of us are looking at the stars (Wilde).

26 Sep 08, 8:15 AM
saraUK
UK(W), 7 yrs
My personal opinion is that the term 'Player' is used as Kookie suggests, when the person being referred to as such, does not fit in with the expectations of the person making the remark. A kind of 'put down' if you will. Rather like saying "I do it properly but you are only playing at doing it, therefore I am better than you".
Some people, who are unable to devote as much time and enthusiasm to the lifestyle as others or as much as they would like to devote to it, also call themselves players, and in this vein, the term is not derogatory, they are not belittling themselves, they are saying that they only get chance to play when circumstances allow, therefore they may say "I'm a player and proud of it".
What you have to keep in mind here is that there is no rule book for this lifestyle. There is no cut off point where you are either a 'real' BDSM'er or a 'Player'. Everyone has their own right to be into it as much as they wish or are able to, and personally I feel it is wrong to knock those who, for whatever reason, are unable to be as involved as others are, or who choose not to be as involved as others. It doesn't make one group right and the other wrong, although you will never be able to stop someone trying to boost their own ego by trying to put others down in an attempt to make themselves look better. Bit like a school reunion where everyone is trying to out do each other.

26 Sep 08, 8:30 AM
SubGreedyGirl
UK(E), 3 yrs
Y!
A player in my mind is someone who is dishonest, has multiple people on the go yet tells you that they don't, and strings you along.
Slutty slut from slutland.

26 Sep 08, 8:32 AM
waterbouy
4 mths

Proccie wrote:
What is a "Player"?
I have seen the term "player" used in a derogatory manner on this web site and in conversations at munches. "Oh they're just players" or"You don't want to mess with him he's just a player"
What do people think is meant by the term? I have my own views but I will leave those till later.
proccie
I wonder if anyone else feels it is usually the male that is branded with this derogatory label or am I talking bollocks again?

26 Sep 08, 8:35 AM
coloured_in
UK, 23 mths
I could see it as three things
1. The universal player is someone who 'plays' other people is ungenuine and untrustworthy, purely out for their own ends.
2. Someone who is only interested in the 'play' side of D/s.
3. Someone very into the 'scene' goes to lots of differant events.
All can really be used in a derogitory manner depending on the context and who is using the term.

26 Sep 08, 8:36 AM
princesstiggs
UK(LE), 22 mths

SubGreedyGirl wrote:
A player in my mind is someone who is dishonest, has multiple people on the go yet tells you that they don't, and strings you along.
I totally agree with this. A player is someone who "plays" with your feelings and strings you along with false promises. To me, it's a term I'd use for anyone who was doing this, not just in BDSM.
XXX

26 Sep 08, 8:39 AM
TopToToe
UK(S), 5 mths
Y! Very well put sarauk. I have similar views. I class myself a player, many years of interest in BDSM with a wife who has no interest at all. My involvement in BDSM has been as a single (married) fella, often frowned upon. (I'm going to get shit on now).
Look up player and I find this answer: slang term for a (usually male, but also female) individual skilled at sexual seduction.
Now I confuse myself with my view? Its a good question actually.

26 Sep 08, 9:07 AM
Backdooruk
UK(BA), 9 yrs
The term 'player' has gone through a couple of transitions over the years. Originaly it was quite positive and meant someone who was willing to get down and do BDSM rather than just talk about it (you could say someone who plays a lot). But if play is not something a person is looking for then a player is someone who isn't interested in commitment, just 'playing arround' (which is a more modern usage).
- Chris
Anyone with a brain is manipulable. Only the truly unimaginative are difficult to control.

26 Sep 08, 9:19 AM
TheScorpionQueen
UK(CH), 19 mths

princesstiggs wrote:

SubGreedyGirl wrote:
A player in my mind is someone who is dishonest, has multiple people on the go yet tells you that they don't, and strings you along.
I totally agree with this. A player is someone who "plays" with your feelings and strings you along with false promises. To me, it's a term I'd use for anyone who was doing this, not just in BDSM.
XXX

Here here, that's how I would interpret it - mainly married or cowardly peeps spinning you along.
Also peeps who set up fake profiles, my first dom pretended to be a woman and got into conversation with me, he then turned round and admitted what he did to see my reaction, tosser.
So yes, my sentiment exactly - I very rarely get into conversation with anyone I don't know

"In spite of everything, I still believe people are really good at heart" ... Anne Frank

26 Sep 08, 9:20 AM
saraUK
UK(W), 7 yrs

SubGreedyGirl wrote:
A player in my mind is someone who is dishonest, has multiple people on the go yet tells you that they don't, and strings you along.
You just described someone I know to a T, and he always called others players. Maybe there is more to this than I thought.

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