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IC : Weblogs : Ravens_metalmiss : "Late Night Erotica..."
Late Night Erotica... (3)
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Posted by Ravens_metalmiss on Sun 21 Sep 08, 3:44 AM
This is me.. Just me.. Utterly humbled, embracing my submission more deeply than i can steadily, consciously contemplate without curling into a ball and trembling. An attempt in finding the words to accurately describe what You have done to me would doubtlessly render me non-verbal.
To put it simply, there are no words.. It's something that can only be felt, something that touches so deeply that it leaves our meagre language lacking.. And in the same vein, You have to feel it to have any hope of understanding.
Your control is absolute in all areas of my life, sometimes i resent You for that.. Sometimes i love the fact that You make me resent You. A lifestyle constructed from solid duality, with its foundations in reality.. And here i have found myself property, a cherished object, toy, bitch, slut, Your slut.. Slave.. My rights given away freely, "the lowest of the low".. Though perversely I doubt many out there really understand what it is to feel this high, this content or this complete.
In this moment i don't think i've ever felt so alive.. i am aware of myself and the world that surrounds me in ways that i never dreamed possible.. Who i am.. What i am.. What that means to me, to You, to Us.. That Yours is the only approval i need, the only opinion that matters to me.. You patiently restored the parts of me long ago tarnished by misuse and brought back my shine in ways that only experienced and knowledgeable hands ever could, for this, with all that i am, i am eternally grateful and as such in many ways eternally Yours. The fire inside which You gently rekindled burns contentedly.. The lessons You have taught me in Your uniquely nurturing way have led to this understanding, this release, this deeply felt acceptance. A once manic and jumbled mind has left behind it only a confident silence.. There is no more need for confusion, because now i truly understand what it means to belong.. And more importantly what it means to belong to You..
My arms and upper body rest gently on the table top, bent at the waist, naked, legs very slightly parted in submissive wanting.. Waiting.. Obedient..
The lack of underwear, while quite normal for me, now leaves me feeling exposed and utterly vulnerable.. Perhaps even cold.. i ponder this as i become aware of the movement of air on my exposed flesh and feel the goosebumps rising on the backs of my legs.. Secretly i know it's not just the draft in the room that my skin is responding to.. Somewhere behind me across the room You are sat comfortably in Your leather chair, watching me.. i could feel that look a mile away..
i try to hold back a shiver, failing miserably and succeeding only in shaking my behind at You.. This is met with only a cruel sounding chuckle & more silence.. i cringe visibly once again intimately reminded of my predicament, fighting now with a desperate urge to close my legs.. If you were to notice the moisture gathering there it would only bring with it more cruel laughter.. The need to squirm away from that gaze is eating me up inside..
i remain motionless..
i'm facing away from you, so You don't see as my eyes flicker upwards to regard stained glass windows, desperately searching for some interest to distract me from the nerves and anticipation which have been building too quickly for comfort and coming dangerously close to bursting point.. The sunlight streams in through them so prettily from the busy oblivious world beyond.. Perhaps the workers across the street would have brought some distraction, but it's a bright Saturday afternoon, the building site is deserted and somehow given my current predicament i'm glad..
The constant hum of the traffic below may as well be a million miles away.. More duality.. Parts of me aching to be out there right now, to have never felt this feeling which touches me so deeply and each time makes me ache just a little more.. While the rest laps up the fact that i'm not..
All this and You haven't even touched me.. Yet.. A few sudden instructions in the middle of an otherwise relaxed day.. And then.. Nothing.. Silence.. How long ago was that? 5 minutes? 10? To me it feels like hours..
You have barely taken your eyes off me all this time.. i wish i wasn't a fidget.. If i wasn't it wouldn't be killing me so much that i daren't move.. Usually there's no holding back with the bold giggles, glancing back over my shoulder to return Your stare.. Wiggling my bum at You.. Begging You to touch me.. Take me.. Hurt me.. But not this time.. You could cut the atmosphere in this room with a knife.. It isn't your usual style.. This is different..
There's a formality in the air which is making my stomach do somersaults and inspiring a deliciously dark and decadent kind of fear.. You've never been like this with me before.. A part of You which has been until now completely unknown to me.. Something about it feels dangerous, You might as well have a knife to my throat.. i don't know how to react.
It occurs to me that You've crafted this little set of circumstances specifically, that You're enjoying every single second of my struggle not to move.. Far too much in fact. i wonder if maybe i should just move.. But that wouldn't be good sport.. And lord help me if You found it displeasing.. Remaining faithful to a strong sense of self preservation i remain motionless..
i know how You work, taking Your pleasure from even the slightest reaction.. i resolve that i simply won't react.. Barely a second passes before i realise that trying not to react is in itself a reaction.. i start to curl in on myself in silent despair, only to find that You've read my mind.. Another cruel chuckle punctuates the silence briefly before it settles again like over my world like a thick blanket..
my whole body stiffens, the fear rising up in my throat as Your chair creaks, i don't have to look to know that You're on Your feet now.. Unable to keep from trembling, my awareness is consumed entirely, as my anticipation rises to a head, by the slow calculated footsteps coming closer, slowly, deliberately, clear silence between each, stopping right behind me.
i find myself aching for just one word of comfort, a little warmth.. Surely not so much to ask?
Seconds seem once more to turn to minutes and then hours as You tower over me.. i can feel the sadistic smile on Your face, like a cat with a mouse.. You know exactly what You're doing to me and there is no mercy in those eyes. Perhaps it might be a good idea to pray to that god i don't believe in.. No time.. It's too late.. i close my eyes tightly and wait.
my imagination immerses itself in pain, anticipating what i am led to assume is going to come next.. But it doesn't and i can do nothing to stop myself from jumping visibly and cringing away, pushing myself more fervently onto the table as Your left hand comes down gently, firmly onto my lower back..
i'm playing myself into Your hands so easily and i hate it, but no matter what i try i find myself nothing more than the helpless vulnerable girl that You insist on reminding me so often that i am.. You're deep inside my mind now and You aren't going anywhere.. You have me right where You want me.. i feel violated.
Your hand is warm and deceptively yielding, but i know from experience that with You even the softest of movements can be savage.. It's careful pressure applied feels secure, homely, warm safe.. So desperate to trust in it, aching deeply for the smallest sign of affection i push myself up slightly from the table, lifting up my bottom.. Writhing.. Almost cat-like.. But it doesn't move and shows no sign of going anywhere.. A slight change in the pressure it becomes constricting, binding, inescapable.. And that foreboding feeling comes down over me.. i'm trapped..
One last wiggle to lighten the mood can't hurt i reason lifting my backside up slightly in a vain attempt to turn the tables.. Or in the very least make You smile.. But You anticipated this too..
SMACK.. i can't help but scream as Your free hand makes contact and a fierce, sharp jolt of pain mushrooms outwards through my right ass cheek.. i don't think i've ever felt pain like it.. You've sure never hit me this hard before..
The words "Where was my warm up??" catch in my throat and choke me as the next one lands.. And again.. And again.. Left.. Right.. Left.. Right.. A solid, constant rhythm, it's tempo slowly increasing, the strength getting no softer as my recently found composure and stubborn stoicism crumbles away as though it was never there.. i try biting my lip to keep my silence.. Burying my head in my chest doesn't help either as a whole world of pain opens up to swallow me.. Writhing and whimpering helplessly it becomes crystal clear why Your hand is on my back.. You're so much stronger than me that one hand really is enough..
With the conscious acknowledgement of my vulnerability something breaks inside, for me there is no safety blanket, no safe word, no control.. I am an object, property, a toy, Your toy.. Vulnerable, defenceless.. Horrified i blush as i feel myself gushing.. The wetness spreading over the top of my thighs..
Still they keep coming.. The soreness which comes with them is getting difficult to bear.. For several terrifying minutes my whole world becomes a blur of incoherent kicking and screaming.. i have no control over myself, it feels like the pain is the only fragile thread connecting me with my reality.. i am aware of my arms and legs flailing around aimlessly and finding nothing but fresh air.. Tears stream freely from my eyes as i struggle, desperately begging You between sobs to stop.. But You aren't listening and You won't stop until You're good and ready..
Collapsing in an exhausted heap on the table, struggling to catch my breath, my whole body limp and trembling, my mind lost in the moment like a skipping record struggling to catch up with itself, it takes me a couple of seconds to realise that the pain has stopped.. Though You're still there of course, stood behind me, bathed a in silence so impenetrable and impersonal it makes my skin crawl..
Still no words of comfort, no stroking my hair.. There is no affection in this moment for me.. my whole backside is throbbing and sore, my arms somehow become caught beneath my chest in my struggling.. As i calm down, feeling my body tense and aching, worn out from the experience..
Then it hits me.. Your hand remains motionless still resting firmly on my lower back.. You haven't finished.. There's a twinge of fear, a shudder and then an ache of a different kind as i remember that i didn't sign up to top from the bottom.. i don't call the shots.. All i can do is.. Wait.
i'm once again aware of Your gaze resting firmly on me, watching and i'm overcome with a reminder of my nudity followed by a solid twinge of embarrassment.. my sobbing stops immediately as i fight to regain my former composure.. Face down on the table, legs parted slightly, straight, balancing lightly on the balls of my feet pushing my backside up towards You.. This done i hope on hope that it has pleased You.. And that maybe, just maybe it will go somewhere towards making the next part nicer.. Well, a girl can hope at least..
i hear You coming closer now.. There's a warmth radiating from You, but it's impossible under the circumstances to draw comfort from it.. But You're that near me i find myself trembling..
Another shuffle and i can feel the rough material of Your jeans pushing softly against me, teasing. The hurt might have been hard to take under such formality, but that never makes me any less eager.. Shamelessly i push myself back against You, begging words ripe on the tip of my tongue but not daring to break the silence..
You pull away and i manage a small whimper, closing my eyes and hoping, trying to push back further, only to feel the hand on my back respond with firmer pressure.. Seeing this for what it is, a silent no, i respond.. Ceasing my wanton behaviour.. "Ok, not this time" i think as i relax and let my head rest down onto the table top, sighing quietly.. Relishing the delicious ache that seems to run through my whole body and smiling to myself..
For several moments time seems frozen before i'm drawn back to reality by Your hand moving.. It slowly traces its way up my back, soothing me almost, that firm pressure at the back of my neck..
There's the distinct sound of a zip and i tremble with my desire..
Your hand isn't stopping as it makes its way upwards, fingers twisting around the hair on the back of my head.. Clasping a handful, so gently, so heavenly, holding it, playing with it..
You come closer and i can feel Your cock touching against me gently.
i open my legs wider, wanting, waiting, aching..
Your hand tightening in my hair, twisting, pulling my head up from the table, eyes closed in bliss..
Opening suddenly as Your posture shifts and i feel it pushing against my ass..
i whimper and try to shake my head.. i want to beg You not to..
You pull my head back hard and the words once again stick in my throat, turning into a squeal as with one solid thrust You penetrate me completely..
No lube, none of the slow gentle teasing i'm so used to.. A part of me expects You to stop now, if only briefly, just to let me get used to the feeling.. It's been so long since You took me this way.. But no such luck.. You carry on.. Long hard thrusts, rough, hard, deep, painful.. i feel like i'm being split in two..
The tears come welling back up, i'm hurting too much to struggle any more, but i'm not enjoying this.. And it's obvious that You don't want me to.
i'm trying desperately to relax, to make it easier for myself and failing miserably.. Hands balled into fists, eyes clenched shut, face down now against the table.. Your fist still tight in my hair.. i'm moaning deeply, helplessly, unable to keep from squirming as if anything You only seem to be getting rougher..
Yet more duality, in this moment i hate You so vehemently, but i couldn't be any more deeply entwined in my submission.. Can it get any deeper than this? my head is spinning, i know You like to play with my head & it's something i've always been a fan of myself but it's never touched me quite this deeply or hurt this much before..
That is until Your hand tugs once again.. Curious, i open my eyes and come face to face with a row of shocked, horrified and vaguely curious strangers looking right back at me.. Oh.. Fuck.. The bus has pulled up at the stop outside and now somebody's grandma is watching me do anal resistance play..
i loose it, the strength to struggle comes back.. You pull me up even further, my eyes are closed tightly again now, but i know they can see me almost fully in my nakedness, see me struggling desperately against You, almost violently now, trying to hide myself.. You're enjoying this, thrusting into me even faster and rougher now.. It feels like i'm going to die..
my legs are kicked even further apart in the struggle and i scream as Your cock pushes deeper into me than ever before.. You moan loudly and i can feel You cumming inside me.. Your hand releases its grip on my hair as You slowly pull away and i sink down into a pile on the floor beside the table, trembling and crying openly, my hair pulled over my face, head in my hands.. Used.. The bus outside pulls away.. Though needless to say at my expense some of the people on the top deck will remember that encounter for the rest of their lives.. i know i won't forget it.
You come closer again.. Crouching down in front of me.. Lifting my chin up.. i can't meet Your eyes now.. For a single terrifying second i think You're going to make me.. but You understand and it's not a problem.. i'm thankful because right now i feel like that alone would break me. You stroke my hair and speak.. "Good girl" You say.. Your tone is affectionate, warming, gentle as You wrap Your arms around me tightly.. my legs won't work and You help me find somewhere comfortable to rest, holding me tightly and kissing my forehead until i stop shaking, relax and finally manage a smile..
In this moment I'm hurting everywhere.. And it feels good.. You always do give the best after-care & so often i'm left in awe of the places You take me x
Replies
21 Sep 08, 6:04 AM
SweetSlaveSerenity
UK, 9 mths
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WOW...What a fantastic piece of writing, and thank you for sharing your thoughts. )))) * ;..~.' ;.>>* *<<.;'.~.; * ((((
. ~ . <> SweetSlaveSerenity <> . ~ .
. . .)) ' ' *.,;' ':~* *~:' ';,.* ' ' ((.. .
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21 Sep 08, 8:59 AM
sublyn
UK(CR), 5 mths
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That has left me breathless! Such raw emotion - Thank you x |
21 Sep 08, 9:28 AM
MMs_lavenderblossom
UK, 5 yrs
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Wonderful piece of writing!
The way you describe everything is so honest and true. It is so good to read something like that and to "know" and "understand" the emotions and thoughts you are feeling.
I remember reading a book called "Maggie and the Master" it was a bit corny but the way the author described and portrayed the emotions the slave was feeling was so exact I'm sure they must have been a slave themselves!
When a piece of writing really gets inside you like that it is wonderful.
Thank you for sharing it 
Vanilla sex is like a 99 ice cream - without the flake (me)
"Was that you cumming or is your back playing up again?"..Moflb!
"Between tomorrow and today there is a bridge across forever" (Morse)
"One Love, in many colours, all beautiful to see".. (Moflb)
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