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| blacksheepboy |
Of all my literary crimes,
the worst is writing verse that rhymes.
It may be cool in gangsta rap
but serious poets think it's cr ... frown upon it.
(So here's another fucking sonnet ... )
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You'll notice though, that just for once
I've used more assonance and consonance
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Premoniscences ========================= I saw your back curve like a moonbow, rare as the promise of a deathless candle, by which light your shadow I am cast - a pure nothing in your shape - my ghost guide. Here I stir the embers of this fire in atonement for a life lived on the run, hoping to ignite the coals of time - fossilised one Carboniferous summer: We filled our cups and touched them, each to each, and touched our lips though even then we knew that breathless kiss was never ours to keep, but soon would melt, just like our angels in the snow. And even in those cups of joy, when drained, we found some dregs of sorrow yet remained.
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That has bugger all to do with BDSM, but was inspired by thinking about old friends and lovers (old and new). ETA: And the onset of autumn always puts me in a wistful mood.
* Title changed 20/9/08
Edited Sat 20 Sep 08, 4:18 PM by blacksheepboy
| 19 Sep 08, 6:41 PM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
For a scientist type, you're quite the wordweaver. Multi-talented sheep.  "Well-behaved women rarely make history" Edited 19 Sep 08, 6:53 PM by verte | |
| 19 Sep 08, 7:21 PM The_Princess UK(SA), 7 yrs |
Not such a crime. It put me in mind of Hopkins' angsty, hanky-twisting 'sprung verse' sonnet style... except you've brought it bang up to date and made it look minimalist, simple and effortless. That's true genius, that is. I've read it three times, and got something new from it each time...
... and now I'm going to read it again.
Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. Deal with it. | |
| 19 Sep 08, 9:56 PM newfavourite UK(S), 4 yrs  |
Oh no not another fucking sonnet from blacksheepboy! That was very lovely and moving and my favourite poem of yours I have seen. Have you ever tried your hand at a villanelle?
Equality is over-rated | |
| 20 Sep 08, 12:45 AM blacksheepboy UK(CR), 4 yrs |
Thanks to you all for the appreciative responses. I've got an idea for a villanelle which I may get around to in the near future. It's a very demanding form, but powerful if you can find two lines that bear that much repetition. That's the trick; those two repeated lines should ideally carry enough ambiguity to make it work, or it just sounds monotonous. I must say I love the sonnet form. In this case, my intention was that the use of half-rhyme in the 3 quatrains would help to make the final full-rhymed couplet stand out even more than it would in a more traditional Shakespearian sonnet - and I think it works.
What's the point having cake, if you can't eat it? | |
| 20 Sep 08, 9:31 AM jukejointjezabel 5 yrs |
I thought it was lovely | |
| 20 Sep 08, 2:37 PM blacksheepboy UK(CR), 4 yrs |
Sometimes, even the author doesn't quite understand what a poem is about until some time after writing it. The change of title reflects what it means to me now. Although it may appear to be dealing with thoughts about the past, it contains also my own fears about the future. What's the point having cake, if you can't eat it? | |
| 20 Sep 08, 4:33 PM diabalo 4 yrs |
Lovely poem.....but I did fail my English lit A'Level! |
