Part 4 - Did something happen in my childhood? (5)

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Katalena
Posted by Katalena on Sun 14 Sep 08, 7:13 PM

So, did something happen in my childhood to make me seek comfort in food? The short answer is no.

I had a wonderful childhood, bought up in a normal family home. I am not saying it was perfect, we had our ups and downs but nothing untoward or inappropriate. We weren't deprived of anything yet this “relationship” I have with food started when I was about 13. I can remember going out on my pony with my mate and going to the local shop and getting allsorts to stuff our faces on – the midnight feast thing, but hey didn't everyone do that? I have ransacked my brain and even spoken to everyone close to me at that time, there was nothing obvious happening so I won't find my answer there.

I have fit and healthy parents and three slim sisters – hey, another reason that you would think I would strive to be slim but no, that doesn't work either. I would say that my Mum and 3 sisters have an obsessive relationship with food, some more than others and one in particular. We all have this but in a different way so it has come from somewhere.

My Mum is not a cruel person even though the next paragraph will likely make her sound so but I do believe that everything she said to me was said with love, care and “meant” in a nice way. It wasn't said with an underhand, bitchy tone of voice or in a venomous way. I am certainly not asking for comments about my Mum or sisters just sharing with you.

I love my Mum but she has over the years made a few comments about my weight that have hurt to the core – what did I do? Eat. I assumed she thought if she said something it would make me want to not eat but it did the opposite, then I would feel bad for eating, so what would I do? Yeah, you got it, I would eat! Vicious circle and a bitch to break. If I hear those words “you would be a beautiful girl and give your 3 sisters a run for their money if only you could lose the weight” I might scream as HELLO, I am a beautiful girl, there is just more of me to love!

So, my confidence and self esteem?

To be continued...

Replies

14 Sep 08, 9:31 PM
Cliodna
UK, 6 mths
Y!
Ive been following this series of blogs and I can relate to so much.
i can pin point exactly when I started to binge eat, and find comfort in food...even now I know what will trigger it.
Im the same I'm a bigger than I want to be girl and completely know this is a major fact I am single.
My relationship with food is very complex. it ranges from either not eating for days to non stop at 4 am as i sit in a heap hating myself but just unable to find satisfaction in the cold night. I too have been on almost every diet going, every class, each one getting result but then adding more to original weight at joining once I had moved on. (that bit does make sense lol honest)...now Im on the battle again.
when my confidence is hammered so is the cupboard.
sometimes I'd rather smoke than eat.
sometimes I'd rather drink than eat.
will i ever be content...yes I will. just I "pick" partners that tend to want someone different to what I am ...(yeah makes soo much sense that doesnt it lol )
Ill keep on reading your chapters..and I;m really looking forward to seeing part XX when you achieve your aim
lots of luck and don't punish yourself on the bad days/hours/weeks
"Give me what it is you believe in, cause I give to you my truth, I've got all my faith in you"

14 Sep 08, 10:01 PM
MissDMeaner
UK, 3 yrs
I can always remember my Mother (God rest her soul) saying to me "how much fatter are you going to get?" I weighed about 11 stone then. Mum, I havent finished yet, I am now 14 stone.

14 Sep 08, 10:06 PM
Katalena
UK(GL), 20 mths
Y!

XX_obsidian_XX wrote:
Ive been following this series of blogs and I can relate to so much.
i can pin point exactly when I started to binge eat, and find comfort in food...even now I know what will trigger it.
Im the same I'm a bigger than I want to be girl and completely know this is a major fact I am single.
My relationship with food is very complex. it ranges from either not eating for days to non stop at 4 am as i sit in a heap hating myself but just unable to find satisfaction in the cold night. I too have been on almost every diet going, every class, each one getting result but then adding more to original weight at joining once I had moved on. (that bit does make sense lol honest)...now Im on the battle again.
when my confidence is hammered so is the cupboard.
sometimes I'd rather smoke than eat.
sometimes I'd rather drink than eat.
will i ever be content...yes I will. just I "pick" partners that tend to want someone different to what I am ...(yeah makes soo much sense that doesnt it lol )
Ill keep on reading your chapters..and I;m really looking forward to seeing part XX when you achieve your aim
lots of luck and don't punish yourself on the bad days/hours/weeks
Thank you, it is good to know someone is following my blog. Alot read them but hardy anyone comments and to be honest, I don't "need" them to but it is great when people do and helps us support each other.
I understood what you said. It is amazing that we allow something like food to control us in the way it does - I control all aspects of my life but this one seems to control me!
Kat
"You make your bed you lie in it? Crap, if you don't like it, get up and change the sheets"
Edited 14 Sep 08, 10:12 PM by Katalena

14 Sep 08, 10:10 PM
Katalena
UK(GL), 20 mths
Y!

MissDMeaner wrote:
I can always remember my Mother (God rest her soul) saying to me "how much fatter are you going to get?" I weighed about 11 stone then. Mum, I havent finished yet, I am now 14 stone.
I really do wonder if our Mums realise quite how much the comments they make about our weight hurt us. I am sure they mean well, just care about us, want us to be happy and healthy and so on...
Kat
"You make your bed you lie in it? Crap, if you don't like it, get up and change the sheets"

15 Sep 08, 9:44 AM
LaRouge
UK, 4 yrs
It can be about your/my/our relationship with your parents, or other relatives, it could be about insecurity, it could be many things...
I am begining to understand my relationship with food and it is a painful one and complicated one, so i may not always want to talk about it here, I sometimes prefer a private convo, just the way I do things...
In the therapy i work with, there is an interesting theory called Introjection, if you are interested you can read what it means here, get back to me if you need a bit of help understanding it...
I am enjoying your posts too.
http://www.thetherapywebsite.co.uk/introjection-...
La Rouge

I don't want to be anyones girlfriend, I want to be EVERYONES!...
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stranger"
(Quote from Darknight)


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