 |
IC : Weblogs : submike_m42 : "IC so much more clearly now......................."
IC so much more clearly now....................... (1)
submike_m42's profile
Posted by submike_m42 on Sat 30 Aug 08, 11:32 PM
Ok so its been a while since the last blog. Yes a lot has happened since then. The outcome of it all, well I have found myself somewhat within all the lables and tags that we use within BDSM.
What I thought I wanted, in reality was not the fantasy I had hoped for. What I learned along the way was more about me than the others involved.
Those of you who remember the earlier blogs, may have remembered a special Lady who was an eight hour time difference away, and with whom there were a few ups and downs. Those of you who don't remember that, I can only appologise for rambling.
There are major lessons learned, all of which I want to share with those of you, whom one day may find yourselves in similar situations.
To stop this blog from being too long, the background can be found here .
As you can see, a blog written with sincerity, and conviction. A sign for me at least of someome with certain quality to their personality.
The time difference and distance still took its toll. One or the other of us being up at crazy hours, working crazy hours, fatigue always not far away. Sometimes the fatigue led to further misunderstandings. As did some other factors. You see, whilst we spent every opportunity talking to each other, via messenger, via phone calls, whilst we had sent photo's to eachother, the one thing we hadn't managed to do was meet up. To see the expressions on each others face when we said something or another.
A vital part of communication was missing. Comfort zones were being stretched and lots of midnight oil was being burned. This led in short to a further missunderstanding, this time it was me who missjudged. Ok without going into details, there were certain things that came across to me, as negatives, issues.
All the time however, I thought back to her blog, and couldn't work out how one person could write that, yet seem to act differently. Ok reasons were given, but without the expression et al, were they reasons or excuses?
The long and the short of it resulted in me making a decision to remain friends with her, but nothing more. Even to the point of me exploring the possibility of a relationship with another.
Before you all start booing and jeering at me, I was not sure what she wanted from me either. She was rather shy at getting her feelings across at times. The messages were sometimes confusing, all factors which led me to make the decision that I did.
THE WRONG DECISION!
Time passed, and we kept in touch, as friends. A plane journey later, and this lady was back in the UK. We talked on the phone, and it felt so natural, yet those doubts still lingered. We agreed to meet, and again it was so natural, so relaxed. Still neither of us knew how the other actually felt. Hours of conversation took place, and the doubts melted away with the explainations that came forward, from both sides. The main difference being that we could look into each others eyes, see the expressions that were on each others faces, and know that there was no pretence from either side.
The question remained, where to take things from here. I liked what I saw, as apparently did she. Feelings were stronger than I stupidly had thought they were. Finally those feelings were spoken about, firstly by her, and at that point everything fell into place. The reason for certain behaviour, that without the right knowledge, did not make sense, hence leading me to make the wrong judgement call.
With all the wrinkles ironed out, I have learned, that the sincerity in her blog, is genuine, the warmth that I glimpsed from time to time via the internet was genuine, and that this Lady was everything I could have wished for and at varous times thought she was.
I had let the lack of expression in the typed word on messenger cloud my judgement.
I sit here now, typing this blog, happy. Happy that she gave me the chance to get to know her, to forgive me for my missjudgements, despite it obviously hurting her at the time. I have found what I was looking for in her, that someone so special, someone who lights up my life in so many ways. Someone who is kind, loyal, caring, witty, intelligent, sensual, pretty, sexy, fun to be with, and to be honest someone who makes me feel like a teenager again.
Time spent together goes too quickly, and time spent apart is like a torture.
She is my Goddess, my friend, my lover, my soulmate, my confidant, my subbie, my Dominant, my solice, my sanity and my world. She is everything I ever wished for in a person.
IC so much more clearly now, the person she is, all of her fabulous qualities, and am honoured and greatful for the opportunity to have her in my life. I have fallen for her, hook, line and sinker.
Thankyou IC for giving me the mechanism to find her, and thankyou to her for giving me the chance again that she did.
Those of you who are searching for your nirvana, please don't let the distances and time differences cloud your judgement. I was lucky to get another chance. If you feel there is something special in that "online" freindship, and that you have got feelings for eachother, then meet up, and let yourselves have the chance of happiness that I have been lucky enough to find.
Thankyou Claimme my love. Your name said one thing, yet it was you who claimed me too.
Thanks for reading.
mike. Edited Sun 31 Aug 08, 1:09 AM by submike_m42
Replies
31 Aug 08, 7:20 AM
ladyM
UK, 6 yrs
Y! |
I am so happy for you. It is always great reading about a happy ending here.
IC is a great place!!!!
Good luck for the future. |
|
|
Donate!
