Men and women (68)

Speaking as a guy who has always been a monogamist pretty much whilst in an actual relationship... BULLSHIT

*Walks off muttering*

'Being a boy is like sucking on a lemon and I judge myself by the adverts I see. My deodorant hides the real me. These things elevate me above animals.'

Edited 26 Aug 08, 1:53 PM by Chilli_Hendrix

For most men (provided they have red blood in their veins) the inclination is almost always there. The opportunity is not.

When inclination and opportunity are in equal supply, men will stray. Even if the risks are high.

Women need to be aware of this and manage the situation accordingly.

Idi Amin is (mis) quoted to have said that if a woman ensures her man's "loins are empty and belly is full" she stands a good chance of keeping him on the straight and narrow.

There is an Ottoman saying along the lines of "to keep his woman from the bed of another, a man must ensure his woman remember both of the two feelings....the feeling of his whip and the feeling of his essence dribbling from her"

Somewhere between those two quotes/sayings the answer to male female relationships can be found....IMHO.

Crap.

Crap.

Crap.

Crap.

I know I cannot speak for all men, but this man gives the considered answers above. Never have, and never will be, unfaithful. It is something I am not capable of.

I do bdsm with other women, and men, with my partner's permission, encouragement, even, as she does with mine. But both have the absolute, rock solid confidence that the other will respect the limits we have agreed, end of.

Now go and tell an egg how to suck granny.

(although I'm a very androgynous guy so I might not be typical)

I don't have any experience of having a long term relationship with someone who is into bdsm. I would have thought the variety would have made a difference. But perhaps this is naive hope. I do know that it is only natural to still be turned on by the idea of variety of partners.

All I can say is that this statement is definitely true when the sex is vanilla. But maybe I just find vanilla boring/unfulfilling and hope for kinkier things from the other people I fancy.

Wrong! I despair at the male sex sometimes.

What's wrong with masturbation? What's wrong with fantasising? You don't have to actually sleep with the women you fantasise about.

Unfortunately a lot of women don't seem to understand this need to dream/yearn/fantasise about other people. They seem to get jealous even of thoughts.

I however say it's human nature to yearn for the unattainable.

On the other hand I do know that people have polyamorous arrangements. So it can't always be that women don't understand these urges - some can accomodate even the urge to actually sleep with other people.

And again - you don't even have to sleep with other people - you can just fantasise.

So I'll call bullshit on this one also.

Plenty of men are monogamous - and genuinely honest and sincere and well-behaved.

Others are open to their partners about their need for an open relationship or even a polyamorous string of relationships.

There really is no excuse for men to lie to their partners and go behind their backs and cheat on them. I can only utterly condemn such atrocious behaviour.

Honesty and trust are absolutely vital for the success of a good relationship.

I don't even know if I count as a man anymore. I'm just beginning to get used to thinking of myself as genderqueer - neither a man nor a woman but a complicated mixture of masculine and feminine.

But I'm biologically male - so I hope that my perspective has offered some hope.

I love to grovel

But i for one have never been unfaithfull. once im in a relationship with someone im in love with, the feelings during sex become better and better as time goes on.

I know some people risk everything by being unfaithfull, but if you picked well in your partner, they should be all you need sexually.

The quote "all men" also goes on to say we all love football and miss the toilet bowl.

And again this isnt the case.

GD

Edited 26 Aug 08, 4:51 PM by Gentledom14

"When you're going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill.

The behaviours of people, particularly intelligent people, are complicated. Generalizations are generally simple, ergo generalizations cannot generally describe the behaviours of people.

In other words I'm with Jahc, my answer is crap four times. There surely are men who think like that, as there are women who think like that, but certainly not all. Perhaps because of societal pressures and expectations there may even be more men than women who think like that, but to say that those four points are intrinsic to the nature of the male beast is cobblers.

Also note that for me the presence of the adjective 'bored' is key. A modified version of point 2, "some men and women openly and honestly chose to sleep with multiple partners" is very different from the OP.

Hmmmmm.

Good posting. Made me think and ask questions of myself.

Thank you.

I take this to be a question about the possibility of a sane and fulfilling inter-gender relationship.

The recurring problem lies, I think, in insecurity - in being afraid.

Guarantees (extraction of promises of fidelity) are (on any realistic appraisal) pointless and maybe shouldn't be sought?

Better to approach all of this openly. There comes a point in a relationship where you begin to feel so deeply about another, and to care so much about their welfare and happiness, that infidelity seems horrifying. To get there though, there has to be trust - and by that I mean not just an assumption that one's own lines and limits are being observed but a willingness to listen to and accept (that is, not pass judgement on) anything and everything that your partner will say to you or suggest to you (about their insecurities or desires or whatever).

If we fear another will some part of find us ugly we will hide that from them - and then the lies coming crawling in.

Not always so easy to be brave, however, to expose oneself to rejection when emotional stakes may already be high.

In the end it is all about love: loving yourself ("I am worthy, I have faith in me"); and, having the courage to love another (and, for me at least, that means caring more about your partner than you do about yourself).

If we love conditionally ("I will only love you if....") we are doomed to betrayal.

Falling in love is (res ipsa loquitur) a long process of negotiation and challenge - with very real possibilities of failure and of disappointment and of distress.

Who knows where an emotional road with another will lead? Better by far though to travel that road with a clear head and a fair prospect of success than to go shuffling along cramped by fear.

Life is about risk.

G x

Top of the world, Ma

You could ofcourse keep them in chastity so that when they do get to cum they really appreciate it; that way it never gets boring for them and they are unable to cheat (or it's very difficult to...)

"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made." Marquis de Sade