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| prettyname |
I haven't had a chance to write what's becoming a regular birthday post until now. You all know about the year before last and the stranger of a shoe fetishist pouncing on my broken shoe in the post office...and you all know about the birthday 'task' last year and the marilyn monroe impressions and threats of hot air balloon rides and stuff...but this year tops the lot!
First I have a question. One I can answer myself but I'll ask it anyway: What kind of dom gives you a birthday present of seven passworded files all inside each other, like a set of russian dolls, tells you the answers are all to do with 'me and him' and tells you he will give you one clue only?....Mine.
The first answer was '42', my age, and the answer apparently to the question 'what is the answer to the meaning of life?' I have never watched that programme in my life let alone heard of the answer! It was got eventually (google is our friend) but sheesh! That wasn't even a pass'WORD'!!
On to clue number 2, M gave me a riddle and question that were so obscure, he tells me he'll give me one clue only. Convinced I would get this one, the gloves were off and I began trying things (with the promise it wasn't a number this time) and off I went. A week later I was still doing it....he gave me another clue and kept at it, trying everything to fit the riddle and the clues I'd been given and...
Two weeks later I was still at it. 3 weeks later, another clue and I was STILL at it! I refused to give up, even went and spent £20 on an up to date dictionary, retried words with the horrifying realisation that I might have done something as simple as a typo and actually already had the word in the beginning. SCREAM! I'm telling you, my head was SCeeeeeREWED not to mention full to bursting!
7000 attempts later, yup SEVEN THOUSAND attempts and just under four weeks later, he finally starts to feel sorry for me:
"Do you want to know the answer?"
"No Sir, I won't give up."
"I know you won't," he said with that mischievous tint to his voice, "and I debated letting you get to 10000 attempts because it's so fucking funny. But I'm going to tell you anyway. Are you ready?"
"Yes, Sir?"
"There is no password. This has been a test."
!
oO(A fucking what?!?) "A test, Sir?"
"Yes. I wanted to see how long you would keep trying for. I wanted to see if you'd give up, when you'd give up, and in what circumstances you'd give up. And I'm really glad you didn't. Actually I'm surprised you went on as long as you did. And pleased. But there is no answer to that question."
"But that didn't work either, Sir."
"What didn't?"
Convinced this was another clue, I said "I even tried the words 'no', and 'answer', and even put the two together at one point, and that didn't work either."
"That's because there isn't a word."
"You mean it was a number again?! You said that..." My head was going into overload and meltdown, fast.
"No, I mean it's a string of nonsense, letters, numbers, symbols, about 20 of them. I don't even know. But you passed the test. That was fucking funny. I'm impressed!" And the fucker laughed!
"But the clues! You even gave me clues!" Hell no, I wasn't letting go of this one until it actually registered in what little space there was left in my head, what had happened.
"I told you I wasn't going to give you any clues after the first one, so everything after that was a lie. You need to listen to what I tell you."
I didn't know if I was more relieved or more in shock, pissed as hell or impressed myself, with him, for being able to stick it out as long as I did! And hell, how many people can come up with 7000 answers that tie in and all fit with one question and two clues! Only fecking me, that's who!
My present? Brand new computer 
Finally up and running (thanks for the help, you know who you are 
) life was good, and I was even starting to stop seeing everything he said as a hidden clue again in what had become a habit to still try and find a non existent answer after another week or so...
Which kinda leads me on to the next bit.
A couple of weeks later, I was snowed under with work and every day problems and stresses that were cropping up left right and centre as they do, and on this particular day I'd got side tracked from what I was supposed to be doing when a txt had arrived from DK telling me to go read something, which I did. Later that day when I was talking to M (and was about to continue with what I had been doing earlier) I was telling him about DK and lu and what they were doing. Lu is someone I've always described as 'my quiet soul mate - without the quiet bit' and I so knew how she'd be feeling etc etc when:
"Really?" he said. Uh oh...
"New rules. Are you listening?"
"Yes, Sir."
"No TV. No music. No MP3 player. No radio. No make up. No brushing your hair. Old clothes you don't wear anymore, only, are to be worn."
Eh? Where did this come from?
"No computer access. At all. No email. No contact. No texts, incoming or outgoing unless an emergency. No writing. No touching. No cumming. No sexual thoughts. No speaking to me. No nothing. The only thing you can do between now and when until I tell you otherwise is to spring clean. Get rid of everything that's not needed. Everything. The whole place. Is that clear?"
Just when I thought it was safe to come out of the water as well after the last headfuck!
"Yes, Sir..."
Four days that went on for. Four days that felt like two weeks, and a house that is still turned upside down despite throwing out 12 black bags full. I cried, I cussed (all in private of course) and I got on with it. I ranted, I slammed, I sulked (all in private of course 
) and got on with it. I felt sorry for myself, and got on with it...I have to admit, it did need doing badly, files, draws, the amount that's been shredded and did need doing to make space and organise properly. But that wasn't the point, and I sulked more.
Cutting a long story short, I must have gone through every emotion possible and back again, before I really found that focus myself again on Friday. Which really surprised me, not just that it had taken me three days to do so, but just how unfocused I had been had really dawned on me.
I really missed talking to him, and the hardest part was I had no idea how long this was going to go on for initially. I really missed my music, and as for the rest, hell I missed and craved it all. Until Friday, when I'd pretty much worn myself out physically, mentally, emotionally and finally began thinking properly about why he'd done this. Only then was I able to see what I was actually doing and why rather than having my head wander through all sorts of other crap. Self inflicting stress is an understatement!
The one thing I know about him, is there is always a reason, and regardless of whether or not any of it makes any sense at the time, it always but always comes clear in the end. Just as this did. I had been totally losing my focus in all areas. Life had got so busy with not enough hours in the day to do it all that I hadn't been able to focus on any one thing at any one time which I'm normally pretty good at. It took three days to bring me back to the point where I was centred, focused, and raring to go again instead of feeling swamped.
The rules were lifted and back to normal last night. Clear out was right...not just physical bags of it, that wasn't the main reason behind the clear out, what was in my 'head' was, and it worked.
So, thank you for helping me to do that in a way that only you could...my beautiful, mind gaming bastid and a half of a fucker.
Do you know, there's only one word that I would never even try to enter as a password associated with me and you? 'Boring'. Not in a million years 
xxxx
edited for typos..x
Edited Sun 24 Aug 08, 9:13 PM by prettyname
| 24 Aug 08, 9:34 PM prettyname UK(NW), 11 yrs |
You're welcome, and thank you ~“Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus~ | |
| 26 Aug 08, 3:21 PM Jahc99 UK, 5 yrs |
Excellent, thank you for sharing that. Now go and tell an egg how to suck granny. | |
| 31 Aug 08, 2:49 PM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs       |
Inspirational as always and this really helped me at just the right time. You are one heck of a woman. Xx The nice lady with the whip. | |
| 1 Sep 08, 12:15 PM prettyname UK(NW), 11 yrs |
you're welcome ~“Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus~ | |
| 1 Sep 08, 12:17 PM prettyname UK(NW), 11 yrs |
Ooh, I love it when that right-place-right-time thing happens! Good to hear, thank you ..xxx
~“Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus~ |
