Posted by Northern_Phoenix on Sun 3 Aug 08, 7:36 PM to Northern_Phoenix's blog.
It was spent miles and miles away, doing very little.
It's a bit of a contrast from the last one a couple of years ago, when plans were made well in advance to be there... An offer of somewhere to stay taken up, looking forward to spending time with good friends who were going to be there, a whole host of names I wanted to look out for and put faces to, not to mention trying to save up a bit of money to enjoy being there too!
Ok, so from what I remember it was a good event rather than a great one. and typically it was the bits that I wasn't so keen on that stuck in the mind most. But still, I wanted to be there, and there was just a big buzz around the whole thing.
This year, I didn't want to be there (obviously, otherwise I would have been), and from my point of view it just didn't seem to be talked about beforehand in such an 'excitable' way by people... Maybe the climate in the scene is a bit different now, with extreme porn legislation a widely known issue and people being outed being discussed more regularly and openly, but still, it didn't have a vibe about it on the boards and blogs that said 'come along, this will be awesome' that I remember from the last one.
Of course, the most important bit of this ramble given it's a personal weblog is the changes in me that made me not want to be there.
Over the last two years I've drifted away from the public scene in a pretty big way truth be told. Partly down to distance and money issues, since the places I wanted to go were all miles away (Nemesis for example, before the unfortunate closing), knowing Uni was on the horizon at that time and finances being in order before starting would be a good thing, partly because the few events I did get to ended up feeling like a letdown in a variety of ways (some for personal reasons, some because I didn't find the event what it was hyped up to be), and partly because I realised I was going to events just to hang out with people I know and love rather than meet new ones, so started to take the chance to just hang out with them privately and enjoy their company more, when the offers were there.
Do I regret that shift in things? Yes and no.
Not going to events is no inhibitor to actually meeting people, despite what 'common knowledge' says, although I'll readily admit having been out there and built a network and some kind of reputation likely makes all the difference in the world, however right or wrong that should be. But at the same time, there's none of this 'we met by chance at an event and a random friendship/whatever happened' - you don't meet up with specific people outside of events by accident after all.
The buzz of events is also missed, but then I've never been an 'I'll go out just for the sake of it' person. I've always gone to places that I knew I'd have friends at rather than just going to something because it's on, since although I often do the 'quiet man' thing in groups, there's a world of difference between doing that in good company and being able to smile and laugh along, and doing that alone in a quiet corner when no-one there much cares. My failing as much as anyone elses, I know, but it doesn't change the fact it happens.
Of course, I miss some people a whole lot that I don't get to see as much of as I did, if at all now, but it's not hard to keep in touch when people want to.
Will I get back out and about one day? Probably, and I can't deny that, but as before it'd likely be to places and I wanted to go to meet/hang out with people I wanted to meet/hang out with, rather than going somewhere just because it's convenient, however problematic that makes things. But if and when it happens, going out on the scene I think will just somehow 'feel' different; it'd just feel like another thing to go and do, rather than the thing I looked forward to most as used to be pretty much the case.
It's funny how time changes things sometimes.
Phoenix
| 4 Aug 08, 1:30 AM DK_Leather UK(S), 10 yrs   |
I'm glad you seem relatively contented with your choices, I find it's cyclical - sometimes I want to be everywhere, other times I don't want to be anywhere but hom - but I guess that's one of those 'different strokes for different folks' things. For the record though, the buzz on the day was ace! ~grin~ KINKFEST4 - DON'T MISS IT! Edited 4 Aug 08, 1:31 AM by DK_Leather |
