emotional masochism (82)

its honest introspection which led to my interest in D/s and here. to find a relationship thats controlling but not damaging and still be desirable.

like millions of others im guilty of repeating mistakes, falling for men who dont care and not desiring the men that do.

when i first heard of D/s it seemed an answer for what i really needed in a relationship...ive yet to find out if it is an answer but it seems the best way forward and i'll continue looking.

swx

Edited 18 Jul 08, 12:51 PM by Missdeed

See lucy's post above. I reckon some people seek out damaging relationships who might be suited to good relationships which include these feelings. Some of them may just be the same as other vanilla people who do the same thing and just have some of their own issues they need to deal with. the problem is to get the same feeling in the context of a good relationship they need to be able to HAVE a good relationship.

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I couldn't have put it better myself

Daddy

Exactly. Put much better than I ever could People on the outside sometimes cannot see or understand that you don't have to be nuts, miserable or have the self-esteem of a slug to enjoy relationships that have some element of EM.

N xx

Oh I have discovered depths of evil through lucy I didn't even know I could reach - because we love each other. The more I like someone the meaner I get

A toast to all emotional masochists!

De

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I love emotional masochism. I find it more satisfying than the physical (but put them together...wow). There is something wonderful about being degraded, made feel shit by someone you love and trust, knowing that they will be there at the end to pull you together again.

The important part is to ensure you know and trust the person inflicting this pain, that way you can sink into it and 'enjoy' the feeling. Having someone who is a bit of an emotional sadist obviously helps. I do not consider this to be emotional abuse as long as both side are enjoying it and getting off on it. Just like physical masochism infact.

Christ. I could have written that myself.

(Though not as eloquently )

If it is a case of the whole bloody shebang going out the window, the whole relationship failing and ending as, if I understood aright, with the OP, then presumably this is not positive emotional masochism, it is just good old fashioned misery and to be avoided at all costs.

If this is the pattern which is repeating then I think it is highly likely that it is the old not loving yourself, caring about yourself situation, and you really need to do something about it. Easier said than done I know. It will feel scary to start daring to care about yourself when you never have before, a sort of 'you must be joking, who do you think you' are kind of feeling, but like all relationships, this new freindship with yourself will take time and commitment.

Sometimes I think of it as though everyone was two people, you and 'your friend' who looks after you. This 'your friend' part of you has been treating you like shit so far. That has to stop. If you saw someone's actual friend treating them that badly you would be outraged, how dare one human being treat another like that, but that is how you have been treating yourself. It's not so much that you deserve better, although of course you do, it's more that no one has the right to treat anyone that badly. It's not good for the universe.