This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Sun 13 Jul 08, 2:08 PM Pierced_Knight 5 yrs |
Time and time and time and time and time again these boards are filled with the fury towards newspapers and individuals who misunderstand and misrepresent the BDSM 'community'. The majority of those who vent this anger (myself included) are hidden by pseudonyms and heavily disguised persona's, for fear of being *outed* to the society that misunderstand us. We hide in dark corners and play with ours bits and each other, enjoying ourselves on the naughtiness and taboo of what we do. But still, if anyone dares print or say that we are wrong, then woe betide them on these boards! If only they knew how annoyed their stories made us! The thing is, they may actually have a point. Let's look at some of the Safe, Sane, Consensual, Risk Aware Consensual Kinky things that we do/live by/stand for... Slavery Spanking Electricity play Imprisonment Whipping and flogging Humiliation Torture Most of us will read those words and, like me, will say 'Mmmmmmmm, sounds like a fun afternoon'. We all enjoy these things. BDSM is our context. Each of these words are linked to the semantic context of BDSM in our heads. But now let's look at each of these activities through the eyes, ears and minds of a person who has no (or little) concept of BDSM (a vanilla). What semantic context will a vanilla make when these words are printed or said... It looks a little different now, don't you think? I'm thinking back to the thread started by BacklashUK on how people like ourselves can use the 'Reader's Comments' section of an online newspaper article, to get our points across. We all join the call of how 'Society doesn't understand us! Society discriminates against us!' Ok, so society doesn't understand us. Maybe, just maybe, WE should understand that society doesn't understand us. Instead of just simply slating the people who fear the unknown realism of modern-day BDSM, maybe we should be working extra hard on educating people. No-one except us will hear us if we continue to shout our points of view from under our dark stone. Regards, Pierced Knight. "I'm just a bloody normal bloke. A normal bloke who likes a bit of torture" Mark Brandon 'Chopper' Read. Edited Sun 13 Jul 08, 2:12 PM by Pierced_Knight | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:14 PM NinjaBitch 7 yrs  |
You have a good point and I would add that these people who don't understand us shouldn't be limited to "them". There are plenty of people practicing forms of fetish and BDSM who,surprisingly, haven't a clue what goes on with "us". Perfect behavio(u)r is born of complete indifference. | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:24 PM xjames UK(SS), 5 yrs |
Adding the words "between consenting adults for fun" to each of the above makes them a lot less scary. Obligatory wanky Latin tagline: Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:27 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs  |
And quite a few people into kink in bed don't really understand how anyone could want to be in a long term power exchange relationship either. It's hard to get your head around different sexualities. It can seem ludicrous that I might want someone to tell me how to look and what to wear. | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:28 PM Pierced_Knight 5 yrs |
Exactly my point. It's not me (or us) you should be saying that to though. Very rarely (if ever) is "between consenting adults for fun" suffixed to a story of BDSM or heard through hearsay by a vanilla. Pierced Knight. "I'm just a bloody normal bloke. A normal bloke who likes a bit of torture" Mark Brandon 'Chopper' Read. | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:31 PM nawty_kitty UK(YO), 3 yrs |
...why are you wearing a really really mad hat? I have always been afraid of people with big hats, like the hamburglar, he always freaked me out | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:35 PM Ian_2007 UK(N), 4 yrs |
Overall excellent, up until the point where you give the impression that you believe only a vanilla will appreciate the true meanings of these words To be honest, after years of carefully examining all these impulses within myself, coming here and finding a gung-ho, unthinking attitude to much of it, was more than a little disturbing. That's one reason I left in 2003 and only recently rejoined. Like all random selections of people, people on IC will be composed both of the hard-of-thinking and those prone to ponderous deliberation. And all points in between. As so often happens, any dialogue between the two ends of the spectrum is, sadly, almost certain to be a dialogue of the deaf. There are, for example, any number of ways we can attempt to persuade wider society that a "community" of BDSMers is benign (for example, "we can spot the Joseph Fritzls of this world before they get dangerous"), but of course peppering "Have Your Say" columns with cries of "We're the victims here!" is a whole lot more fun.
Until the "Have Your Say" columns get turned off due to spamming, that is. That appears to be exactly what's happened in today's Sunday Times, with all columns about the Mosley case conspicuously lacking the familiar pink box. Well done, guys, you really got your point across that time
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| 13 Jul 08, 2:40 PM MistressGI UK(BH), 6 yrs £ |
I am quite happy to shout all I do from the rooftops, to try and get others to understand our way of life.
But am fearfull of the people that try to twist it.The fear is, in them putting our lifestyle in a worse light than it is. Them not understanding that everything is consensual.
I think I have proved this in the writing of My book and subsequent interviews. Lifes a Bitch....Isn't it fun | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:50 PM Scribbles UK(RH), 4 yrs |
[to the OP] Yes. And it's not just familiarity with the idea of consent that stands between "us" and the rest of the planet. I remember when I first encountered the Spanner case, as a law student, and thought to myself - well, first I could scarcely read the case because I found it so off-putting. Then after I did, I was sure that those concerned were obviously vulnerable individuals, not sane, who I would have thought must have been brainwashed or manipulated. Without exception, those I was studying with felt the same way. Even though I had an inclination towards a very mild form of the same thing myself, I found it completely beyond me to understand why people should want to be treated like that. I'm embarrassed to remember how I felt about it, to be honest, but it's worth keeping in mind maybe, when considering how many aspects of BDSM look to outsiders. Edited 13 Jul 08, 2:51 PM by Scribbles | ||
| 13 Jul 08, 2:57 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
thats a really good point..i can totally apprecisate why that would seem disturbing to somebody who chose to take it that way however, if we are to say that what we do is all in the context of a role play, just to spice things up a bit..then I think this would be understandable for the more sceptical people in the vanilla community. Hey, as a result, maybe it would be worth producing some kind of printable leaflet that kinksters can show to sceptical nilla people...a leaflet that reflects the fun and humour in what we as a community might be getting up to...hmmm, wonder if this could be a helpful start or if people simply wouldn't care to indulge such curiosity or open mindedness..hmmm good points OP, maybe we need to take bdsm activities back to their non bdsm contexs to appreciate why people unfamiliar with bdsm can find them concernng and disturbing
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| 13 Jul 08, 5:33 PM Dark_Energy UK(CW), 3 yrs |
Then you should be arrested by the Fashion Police (Fetish Section) and taken to their special facility for a severe dressing-down.
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There are a lot of us who are perfectly aware of the dualism of all of this.