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| MadamEmme |
on Tue 24 Jun 08, 6:01 AM to MadamEmme's blog.
Violence, Buddhism & BDSM – a personal point of view.
Many people on BDSM sites, knowing of me to be an activist Buddhist & a Lifestyler, ask me regularly similar questions to the one below (recently sent to me by a Dom) :
"....In visiting your profile, I have noticed that you are a Buddhist, which strikes me among others personal writings and presentations. From what you are writing you seam to have a dedicated mind and lifestyle into the world of BDSM, how do you conciliate your S/M activities with your 'non-violent' values as a Buddhist? I know is an ugly question, but the impression that you give is that you are indeed decisive and quite energetic in your point of view and way of life, an interesting personality… Would you mind to explain how do you live your Buddhist ethics with your D/s identity?...."
Well...
the point that differentiates between the abuse of gratuity violence and BDSM practices is, as you know, present in the SSC golden rule (Safe Sane & Consensual). This is even more relevant for me (makes a crucial divide) as a Buddhist activist. For example, I am not a Domina that degrades or despises human beings per se, in any form they may manifest their sexuality, or discriminate against any of the 5 genders. I don't have personal issues toward people of a particular gender or race, or believe, etc…
Au contraire, I tend to be a nourisher, and I care for the well being and the grow of those that submit to me (and I don't refer here to casual play in clubs or events where often people enjoy themselves often without much commitment, even so this is not quite me) in long term D/s relationships. Obviously, as a Mistress I'm very strict in giving training and clear in what I want (and of course aware of what my subs need to grow with me, and as a human being in general).
To those that relate to me, mutual beneficial grow has always being at the base of such D/s relationships (even if is very rare that I collar someone as mine… since I take very seriously and with dedicated commitment such PE relationships when present for Uus). It is a decision that I often take, base on Buddhist ethics too. I have ultimate respect for human life and life in general.
My key points, in my way of living the Lifestyle, are:
1) to create value in any circumstance I may find my self.
2) not to abuse with the intention of 'damaging' people (either in a physical or spiritual sense) but to create instead, D/s relationships base on trust, admiration, e the 'letting go' of the senses (by release control) and of the most profound creative site of our personalities, between the contest of a strong and secure PE relationship.
3) to act ALWAYS with consensus and with a profound awareness of personal limits and those of others. Obviously to define such consensus in regards to limits depends of the contractual nature present in my D/s relationships and of the kind of people (and their nature) I interact with.
4) to encourage those that adventure in the scene and the world of BDSM to understand and to practice SSC without exceptions.
I'm not a sadist by nature but a Mentor-Nouricher… therefore even if I tend to be very strict and severe when necessary, it is always with the aim of gaining of course both my own interest, as much as in the respect of the sub nature (by taking care of his/her well being and grow through ownership). In fact, if I perceive that, above superficial appearances and attraction, a sub is not the kind of person that has the potential to benefit from a D/s relationship with me (grow, nature, etc…), even if I'm interested in him/her, I will not take him/her under my tutelage in any case. In my relative experience, I have come to learn that superficiality in interests and attractions do block other more meaningful perceptions important in the long term in D/s relationships. So I guess, I will think twice before 'using' and 'abusing' someone, just for the fun of it, if I cannot see some potential in Oour circumstances. These because I regard my self as a full rounded person, not living with the desperate need for someone, neither with vanilla aspirations.
D/s relationships for me, are for Tthose that can live the profound sense of honour and respect present in such contractual nature (in all Ttheir possible form of fetishism and sado-maso) with themselves and with others. In a sense I tend to se my lifestyle as a form of active tolerance in the form of non judgmental nature, for the choices and likes of others. D/s activities are a way (as many other ways) of giving a chance to people to express fully themselves, and to deepen their relationship with themselves and their nature. Sexuality is also an expression of who we are and as such it must be respected.
It is my opinion however, that as Dominants it is truly necessary to know who we are, and on which impulses, limitations and capacities of self-control, we are capable of acting. As a Domina my sense of 'being responsible' first of all (often even to the point of personal sacrifices… a topic which many Dominants do not like to engage with an open and honest discourse) is to me 'crucial'. It is in simple words, the capacity to maintain a form of self-discipline in regard to practices and impulses. To be in control in other words (as to oppose to the danger of succumbing to 'dom-space').
This comes in tandem with the need to grow subs that can (in time) fully take conscience of their nature ed impulses. It starts from my capacity for 'self-discipline' that I can prepare 'to prepare' (training) others, and to support and sustain their lives. In a way I always aim at making sure they understand (if not already capable to do so) fully, the contractual nature of such Power Exchange-relationships.
Personally, without my Buddhist practice, I would never have been capable and confident enough to live the most creative, humanist and profound side of the sentient sexuality. A non moral judgment and open search mindness, in reviling the value of 'brutal honesty' and dedication to Oone being and/or that of Oothers, manifest more freely even when manipulating and dominating. All of these as a Buddhist are fundamental to me. Moreover, most of my friends in the Lifestyle and/or ex subs/partners, have met and/or learned (if interested) the philosophical and ethical nature of my Buddhist living in regard to my interpersonal or sexual relationships with various genders.
However it needs to be clarify that even if Buddhism does not impose morality or forms of divine commandments in such area as sexuality, it is still a religious philosophy extremely ethical that base the core of its practices on the profound and fundamental respect for life (and not only human sentient life) and on the imperative of perceiving its own sacred enlighten nature (and not in the pursuing of external divinities or salvation). The concept of compassionate non-violence and active tolerance (as the opposite to the general meaning of 'passively' tolerating) therefore, is crucial in relating to the self and the life of others. In this sense, personally I cannot avoid to remind that in terms of universal Law of Cause and Effect (the accumulation of actions that creates personal and collective Karma), abusing base on gratuity violence, those people (e non humans) that are not in a position to give consensus, or are manipulated forcedly toward the mental and physical dependence on abuse, is for me as a Buddhist unacceptable. Sexuality with all its sexual tendencies or activities do not represent a block to enlightment per se, but is the obsession (as any other form of obsession) in sexual nature that can become a block in the perception of ones own Buddha nature (as for others obviously). Therefore I do have my own ethics in my choices of BDSM practices.. Let me give you some practical example of what I mean by personal ethics based on my Buddhist value.
- I measure extremely attentively the difference for example, from 'bringing to' (to encourage ed inform) someone toward BDSM practices and instead, actively encourage (through manipulation) someone with mental or emotional dysfunctions (and there are many persons that are not even aware of such dysfunctions in their personal lives) toward submission. These are to differentiate CLEARLY from a disable person that instead 'searches' actively and consciously for her/his submission (even if with certain conditions of mental disability). Consensus in this sense is for me not a 'theoretical' and opportunistic word, but a thick and real personal choice. - In this sense therefore, I personally fully condemn activities that involve children e/o animals too, both from the point of view of being realities of non-consensual activities (as not base on SSC BDSM contractual nature: Safe Sane Consensual) and from the ethical Buddhist point of view of a manifestation of an ambivalent violent malignant nature. In this sense, even extreme S/M activities can therefore be valued as a free expression of sentient creative human life, or as a form of evil.
Nevertheless…
I hope the above as helped to clarify certain questions pose in messages I regularly receive as the one above… and that it helps other Buddhist activists too (that live as me inside a monotheistic morality culture) to overcame residuals of useless sense of guilt e/o the spiritual obscurantism that often is associated to the Lifestyle and its various BDSM practices.
This is obviously my ethical approach as a Buddhist in relation to my D/s activities, certainly regarded as 'violent' by others in society. Not everyone however manoeuvre inside their BDSM realities on a particular strong spiritual base as a starting point, that gives them consciousness of their being and their own impulses in interacting in this world… and this is obviously fine, everyone is different. I only gave my response to a recurring question that is posed to me.
I thank you those of Yyou that ask me for clarifications on the subject and for reading me.
Namu-Myo-Ho-Renge-Kyo
Mdm. Masha
p.n.
My contribution above is entirely personal as a Buddhist practitioner (I do not wish to speak for Buddhists practitioners in general but only as a dedicated Buddhist activist), I will therefore ask anyone that eventually wish to contribute to the topic to refrain from any religious antagonistic discourse, and instead to bring their prospective and personal experience on how they have dealt with their choices in the Lifestyle and their moral or ethical values (if ever this point of reflection has risen). Merci' bien.
Edited Tue 24 Jun 08, 6:23 AM by MadamEmme
| 24 Jun 08, 7:21 AM LaRouge UK(L), 7 yrs |
I have often wondered how the two could fit together, this helps me form my opinion. Thank you.
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| 24 Jun 08, 9:15 AM Bartlby 4 yrs |
I wanted to thank you for what you wrote here. I gave up on my Buddhist practice some years ago because I couldn't reconcile the nature of my sexuality with my perception of what a "good" Buddhist should be. I wish I could have read this or something similar 20 years ago. Its been a long journey to a place where I accept and celebrate the nature of my sexuality. When I first became aware the I found cp/pain/power erotic (in my late teens and pre internet) I feared that i was by nature abusive and tried to hide/suppress those desires. Buddhist practice was one of the places I ran to and maybe something that ultimately allowed me to be who I am. But for some years I still struggled with ideas of non-violence, compassion etc which appeared so at odds with my own erotic nature. As I've explored BDSM further I've come to see that there is no contradiction, BDSM is not violence. I have no desire to hurt anyone unless they wish to give themselves to me in that way and I have no desire to be hurt by anyone who doesn't wish to possess me in that way. What I find in BDSM is giving and trust and caring for the other all of which are compatible with Buddhist ethics and Buddhist ethics care less about the form an action takes than the intent behind it. I'm not sure the wider (vanilla) world will ever see BDSM the way I do. I had a vanilla partner for a while who was accepting of my sexuality but who just couldn't reconcile pain with love, for her they were always opposite. For the rest of us anything that allows us to throw off "the residuals of useless sense of guilt e/o the spiritual obscurantism that often is associated to the Lifestyle and its various BDSM practices" is a good thing. |
| 25 Jun 08, 2:05 AM MadamEmme UK(SE), 5 yrs |
My pleasure... I have many friends that practice Buddhism and enjoy the Lifestyle or the Fetish Scene... many have struggled for years in solving their own ethical questions, others have express the need for more dialogue among Buddhists that are into BDSM or non-vanilla relationships. I think being true to oneself is the most important thing as to be there for others too. I only shared my prospective. Thank you for reading me (particularly with my limited English ... lol). Be Safe and at Ease with your nature... Edited 25 Jun 08, 2:14 AM by MadamEmme |
| 25 Jun 08, 1:54 PM daitchen UK(SE), 9 yrs |
Good to see these thought-provoking posts. This is a subject close to my heart, too. If we look at the "Ten Negative Actions", just as what we call stealing is carefully defined as "taking what is not given", ie. taking non-consensually, I think that for us the negative action of "Sexual misconduct" is also characterised by non-consent.
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| 25 Jun 08, 10:36 PM MadamEmme UK(SE), 5 yrs |
Perfectly explained...
Be Safe and at Ease with your nature... |
