Still Stuck In Limbo (3)

Rebecca_P's profile

Posted by Rebecca_P on Sun 1 Jun 08, 7:58 PM

We were supposed to get the whole situation bashed out and sorted this weekend. It's been over two months since He moved out and we're still no closer to a solution. The trouble is that I pretty much need all or nothing - if He's not moving back in, then I don't really want anything further to do with Him. Or so I tell myself. The trouble is I'm terrified of living alone... I never have done until now and it's been a disaster pretty much from start to finish. My weight has shot up again, to worse than it was before we met up. In short, all I really want to hear is "yes, I'm coming back..."

...but He's convinced that He cannot do so. He doesn't want to. The only thing that is apparently even making Him contemplate it occasionally is feeling guilty at having dragged me up here and still wishing He could actually make a difference. But if He can't come back, I need Him to tell me so unequivocably, and on the understanding that it means that everything is over... which He apparently can't.

He actually volunteered to come along to LAM, to which I was already going with Raven. I'd have been insanely happy if He'd ever volunteered to come along to an event while we were living together; I tended to feel I was dragging Him out all the time.

We had a good-ish time at LAM, but mainly because my mind simply won't accept the truth that it looks like He won't be coming back. I wanted everything sorted before tomorrow - by last night, really, but He wanted to come along and meet Raven - and now it's going to be dragged on further because I'm too scared to let go, even though He's stated repeatedly that He's not interested in coming back at the moment.

On the brighter side, we did get to play around with a violet wand for a little bit, something we hadn't done since our first club night out together.

Replies

1 Jun 08, 8:17 PM
gal_rosa
UK(E), 11 mths

It sounds to me like he's got you hanging on a string and he hasn't got the guts to cut you off......not a very kind way to treat someone really. I know that living on your own is scary - I never had done until I split up with my ex last year, and actually I think it's been very good for me to do so. Baby steps and all that, obviously it's your call but I don't think it's very fair of him to keep you hanging on like this. Cut your losses, if you can, so you can move on and enjoy life.
Have a (((((((hug)))))))
"The unexamined life is not worth living"

1 Jun 08, 9:08 PM
fred07
UK(RG), 17 mths
Y!
It happened to me, but on my own terms a few years ago. I had to live on my own for the first time ever. It was fucking scary, don't get me wrong, but local martial arts lessons sorted that. Do it for yourself, be free for you, it's fucking great when you hit that mind set

2 Jun 08, 10:11 AM
just_the_two_of_us
UK, 22 mths

My thoughts really, I feel everyone should live on their own for a minimum of six months or longer, it makes you a better and stronger person.
I wish you well anyway, it is scary the thought of living on your own, but in a few months time, you will come to love the freedom, the only draw back is allowing someone to enter it again!
Take it one day at a time, and all will be ok, friends are good at this stage.
her XX


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