staff training (5)

Posted by MistressLeo on Thu 29 May 08, 2:20 PM to MistressLeo's blog.

Staff Training Memo

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T).

We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T). Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T) If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T) Thank you, Boss in General (B.I.G S.H.I.T)

Replies

29 May 08, 2:28 PM Tenderdom2 4 yrs	Yeah, I remember seeing that one about 10 years back...
29 May 08, 3:36 PM Amandago 4 yrs	Excellent, but how on earth did you access my companies internal rules or perhaps all companies are run this way lol
29 May 08, 4:14 PM dante_soul 5 yrs	Lol I dont want you to adore me, dont want you to ignore me when it pleases you, yeah i'll do it on my own
29 May 08, 6:37 PM Jailor51 UK(BS), 9 yrs	My company uses the mushroom method of management. We kept in the dark and have manure thrown at us evey day
30 May 08, 2:00 PM MistressLeo UK, 4 yrs	staff training: Adapted from random circular email (2008) Original source/sender, date of production and author unknown.