Introductory Thoughts (3)

GotanGotan's profile

Posted by GotanGotan on Sat 17 May 08, 6:38 PM

Hello everyone; I wrote this as an attempt to define my first thoughts on registering here, and specifically regarding the scene in particular, to try and identify to myself and others why I was here in particular; I ran it past the peeps on the Bristol boards, some of whom I hope to meet at the next Munch; and some paragraphs were inspired by one particular poster elsewhere... but I am fully aware I've got a lot more to learn, and the more I read it seems, an awful lot of assumptions and tenancies to slough off in order to make the most of my time here. But one thing I'm relatively certain of is...

What does BDSM mean to me?

Well, different things at different times is perhaps the honest answer. The earliest memory I have of proto-BDSM thoughts came shortly after puberty... I'd already begun to develop a sense of attraction to dramatic and dark tragedy tinged romance; if Romeo and Juliet is romantic, it's because they have a brief tryst, then are crushed by circumstance, and almost everyone ends up dead by the end. That was romantic to me. A Tale Of Two Cities? Giving up your life for someone you'll never know the joy of truly loving? That's romantic. I think the first thought I had which was clearly my own was the idea of being trapped on an artic sheet due to an aeroplane crash, with myself and my love slowly freezing to death in each other's arms... and being found a hundred years later, still embracing. Or perhaps being buried alive in some ancient tomb to the same deadly effect... From there it was a short hop to not just being buried, but mummified together, perhaps mummified in coitus... struggling against the bandages but merely rubbing against and inside each other harder and harder whilst time slowly runs out...

Over the years, I don't really know why, I sort of developed into wanting to take the dominant role in such situations. Perhaps because I was never really fond of looking at "The Last Turkey In The Shop" myself; so I never really wanted to see tied turkey. Perhaps it was because I enjoyed the feeling of control; or perhaps just because so much porn is designed for men in general that over many years I just gravitated towards it's own normative values. I really am not sure, but I've been fortunate enough to have met, and had some wonderful times with a truly submissive woman who let me fully explore the dominant role. There's nothing like the sense of pleasure gained from seeing someone tied face down, derriere pointing hopelessly and expectantly into the air... and then, at your own pleasure and pace, choosing what you wish to do with it... whilst all the time, she lies, gagged with her own underwear, focused on every small lick or eventually hard thrusts...

Ahem. Better stay focused on explaining my thoughts about BDSM not indulging in them, he he. I sometimes wonder though if I could take and enjoy a submissive role...? I'm perhaps too strong willed to be submissive in any humiliated way... but adoring servitude might be an option. Women are [i]wonderful[/i] things to me, even when not tied up and quivering. And when ever I've fallen in love, it's always been with someone I've admired intellectually, even worshipped them maybe. And of course, taking the dominant role takes away any sense of urgency, danger or sense of being at the whim of out of control forces... Maybe allowing someone to dominate me in turn would bring those teenage drives into play again? Maybe deep down I need to be able to switch?

The truth is though, allowing others to be in control terrifies me... because the majority of people are selfish and inconsiderate and, as an obviously alternative male, and not one very attractive in my earlier years, I find normal females are often terrified of my sexuality as it is; and I'm not interested in truly making people fear me, much less actually hurting them in any way. So I've built up incredibly strong emotional and behavioural self defences over the years... And maybe I shouldn't have.

So here I am, taking my first steps into BDSM as a scene and lifestyle, hoping to relearn, or at least relive the things I've enjoyed in the past privately... very nervous right now, but also very very hopeful.

Edited Sat 17 May 08, 6:46 PM by GotanGotan

Replies

17 May 08, 8:07 PM
Twinkletoes
UK(DL), 2 yrs
Y!
Welcome and just to say, be yourself, follow your instincts and above all have fun

The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had. ~Eric Schmidt

17 May 08, 11:01 PM
fred07
UK(RG), 17 mths
Y!
Ooh, while I think about it, why Gotan?
I heard a fab album from the Gotan project. Any relation?

18 May 08, 11:10 AM
GotanGotan
8 mths He he, no... although that IS the only thing that comes up when searching for it; even Tango (the soft drinks company) themselves seem to have forgotten about THIS!
http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/4186/paris063...
This is Gotan, in the lift of a youth hostel in Paris... he tends to go everwhere with me I still can't find a copy of the original advert though, booooo...


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