Posted by sweetsurrender1 on Mon 12 May 08, 5:56 PM to sweetsurrender1's blog.
For those following the saga that is life in sweetsland, if any that is, then here is an update.
I turned the job down in my home town, not because of the money but because right now i don't think i'm capable of it. This whole business with my last job has shaken me to the core, and made me re-evaluate myself. Maybe it was me that was crap, maybe i just wasn't up to the challenge? Maybe i'm setting my sights too high?
My confidence in my abilities has been knocked dramatically, so much so that i feel going straight in to another similar post would be detrimental to me and my employer.
This poses me with a problem. I have to move from here soon as no work = no rent. To be honest i've never really settled here anyway so it won't be a wrench to leave. The problem is really where to next?
I don't have money to secure a deposit on another rental place, i will probably lose my deposit here as i signed a 6 month lease. My credit rating sucks for reasons i won't go into here but that bastard knows why.
I have absolutely no idea how i go about "signing on" and really would only do that as a very last resort. I'm a worker, have always worked, i'm not afraid of hard work and long hours so i see no need to sign on. I'm qualified in my profession but don't know if i want to continue in said profession.
If it wasn't for my cat who has been through the mill the last 7 months i would just up and go and travel till i find a place i can call home. I'm very seriously thinking that maybe she would be better off in a more stable environment anyway.
So, thats my current status...... good aint it?
Things could be far worse and i know that, i have my health and i'm thankful for that, i truly am. I'm just finding it hard, i'm used to having my life mapped out, i knew where i was going, but now i just feel so lost and alone and it hurts, it really hurts.
Sorry, just needed to vent, because if i keep it bottled up i will just explode. I'm not looking for anyone to give me answers because i know only i can do that. I'm not looking for sympathy as i did this to myself, like i say, its just a vent, just a vent.
i'm sorry
