Desolate (3)

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Cortina
Posted by Cortina on Sun 11 May 08, 8:12 PM

Another week that has ended up work-related chaos. And be forewarned, this is purely a vent because everyone I can vent to is otherwise engaged, and if I don't get this off my chest, someone will get hurt (and I don't mean in a nice way at all)..

It has yet again been a not-so-pleasant week at work. I have been facing the fact at work that we all have to work to certain targets, and those targets, in my view, take away the focus from what I should do.

On Wednesday, this lead to a pretty bad conflict with someone who is older and higher in position than me, but who isn't my supervisor. Words were said, and unpleasant words they were indeed. I won't repeat them, because even in the heat of the moment he said to me that whatever is said, will be never leave the room. I did manage to keep up some sort of a front with him - and then cry near-hysterically in front of another colleague. Which really wasn't the best move to do .

And now it's Sunday. I have 8 days of uninterrupted work ahead of me - five of those with the senior colleague who I had the spat with. Two with another supervisor who I dislike, because with his drive for a promotion he is now stamping on every person. I'm away from my colleagues in training, and I do miss them very much at the moment. It's funny how being apart from those who are your substitute family can affect you, especially since they have the ability to spot if something's wrong and to make you laugh.

And it feels pointless. All this hassle. I'd love my job if I would be able to do it my way, concentrating on the things that in the good old days representatives of my job used to do. No. I do love my job. I have such potential with it, the things I can do can make such a difference in so many ways.

But currently..it feels so very pointless. All this struggle to fulfill criteria I do not agree with. All this pressure.

Things in general feel quite odd at the moment. All friends are currently engaged in their own little things to do, other family members are fighting with their own little crises, people are on holiday. And you do know that feeling when you really don't want to bother them with anything? That's what I have. My struggles with work and all the emotions they bring up seem so very trivial at the moment (it's only work after all) , but are having a huge effect on me. An effect I find hard to describe to anyone. And I feel stuck and alone with them.

Replies

11 May 08, 8:33 PM
Hells_Bells
UK(S), 3 yrs
Your friends are your friends for a reason.
Imagine how you would feel if you knew that a friend thought you were too busy to lend an ear.
That's how they most probably would feel too.
Call one, call three. Everyone has 10 minutes to spare for a mate, no matter how busy they might be.
x
I wear my heart on my sleeve and my pants on my head
http://obliterarti.wordpress.com/

12 May 08, 10:37 PM
Nemi75
UK, 12 mths

You're not alone Cortina - quite honestly I could have written your blog at the moment. The pointless targets, ridiculous hoops to jump through, over-ambitious sniping colleagues, seemingly never-ending workload, impossible deadlines and incompetent management by those who are supposed to be supporting you - it all gets to you in the end.
Try hard to focus on yourself a little and not lose the important stuff.
So hugs from me because I know exactly how you feel.
One of God's own prototypes, a high powered mutant of some kind, never considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die.

12 May 08, 10:55 PM
Cortina
UK(L), 2 yrs

Nemi75 wrote:
You're not alone Cortina - quite honestly I could have written your blog at the moment. The pointless targets, ridiculous hoops to jump through, over-ambitious sniping colleagues, seemingly never-ending workload, impossible deadlines and incompetent management by those who are supposed to be supporting you - it all gets to you in the end.
Try hard to focus on yourself a little and not lose the important stuff.
So hugs from me because I know exactly how you feel.
We'll make it in the end . Onwards to better things..

"I've never done good things I've never done bad things I've never done anything out of the blue" (David Bowie: 'Ashes To Ashes')


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