How Much Longer? (6)

Rebecca_P's profile

Posted by Rebecca_P on Mon 28 Apr 08, 6:17 AM

It's becoming obvious that one of the main differences between Master and I is that I take everything about ten times more seriously than He does. (And about ten times more melodramatically... guh.)

Yesterday was another of those days where it seemed to grow quite plain that He would not be coming back. My mind literally cannot fathom that at the moment. I want to be strong enough to tell Him I don't *want* Him back - the latest stunt was taking on an online slave a couple of weeks ago, and only telling me yesterday because I forced His hand - but the thought of trying to live alone terrifies me. I have not been coping well at all this past month. Living apart but being a couple is not, for me, an option.

Of course, this all happens the day before I go and start a very important, very long, training course at work, to do a job that I've wanted to do in some form since I was a child. Instead of excitement, all I can feel is fear.

Replies

28 Apr 08, 6:51 AM
MissP
UK(EN), 5 yrs
If living apart isn't an option for you, and you're already doing it, then in your mind the relationship needs terminating.
If he's going behind your back, then does he really have the integrity and maturity to be your Master??
I know it's shitty, but you are probably better off without him.
Sponsor a pervert!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MissP-Dominatrix/

28 Apr 08, 9:21 AM
luscious1
FR, 8 yrs
I feel the same sentiments as MissP. Integrity and honesty are everything in a relationship. If he shows a singular lack of these values, then he most certainly is not worth your angst.
Having recently met you, we both feel you are a lovely young woman with much to offer. Stick to the values that you feel are right for you, and that you are comfortable with. Find someone who will realise how lovely you are and above all value you.
Concentrate on your future career goals, you've waited along time for this opportunity, and have so far succeeded where others have not. Let's face it very few get the chance to do what your training for. So you go for it whole heartedly!
Hugs from both of us
Luscious1 and Dominarus
"let's dare to be ourselves, for we do that better than anyone else can" Shirley Briggs.

28 Apr 08, 9:59 AM
gal_rosa
UK(E), 11 mths

It's horrible and hard and you don't need this at the same time as you're starting your training. But you've got this far - work-wise and life-wise, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You can and will get through this and I hope in 6 months time will be standing tall and proud, qualified in your new job.
In the meantime - if I can help at all just give me a yell. It's a long time (11 years - where did that go?) since I did the training you're just starting and I'm sure the course has changed quite a bit in the meantime. But if I can help, or if you just want a bit of moral support, give me a yell.
Good luck.
"The unexamined life is not worth living"

28 Apr 08, 2:16 PM
BerryBlack
UK, 13 mths
I wish you luck with the course and hope that you enjoy it.
It's hard enough if you want different things from someone, but going behind your back and all the rest of it, doesn't sound good. I think I understand the difficulty you're having in making sense of it as for the last week I've tried to stop myself wondering what went wrong with a man I'd grown to like too.

28 Apr 08, 10:28 PM
Rebecca_P
UK(EN), 2 yrs
Y!
MissP wrote:
I know it's shitty, but you are probably better off without him.
Intellectually, I think my brain comprehends that. Actually believing it is something else entirely, especially when I look around at the mess I've managed to make of everything in my life in the just-over-a-month that I've been living on my own.

luscious1 wrote:
Having recently met you, we both feel you are a lovely young woman with much to offer. Stick to the values that you feel are right for you, and that you are comfortable with. Find someone who will realise how lovely you are and above all value you.

My mind's still stuck on Him, and I'm also wary of getting into a relationship with anyone else at the moment.. I do have a lot of issues with jealousy, anger and some other things. I'm not sure it's fair to drag anyone else into that, and I don't know if *I* want to go through it again, either.

gal_rosa wrote:
But if I can help, or if you just want a bit of moral support, give me a yell.
I'll bear that in mind...! The first day went terribly, though I'm hoping that was simply due to the trainer that we were supposed to have not turning up. I'm hoping it'll improve as we get further in... I came home today wondering why the heck I'd even bothered.

if loving you makes a slave of me then i'll spend my whole life in chains

28 Apr 08, 11:04 PM
gal_rosa
UK(E), 11 mths

Rebecca_P wrote:
Intellectually, I think my brain comprehends that. Actually believing it is something else entirely, especially when I look around at the mess I've managed to make of everything in my life in the just-over-a-month that I've been living on my own.
My mind's still stuck on Him, and I'm also wary of getting into a relationship with anyone else at the moment.. I do have a lot of issues with jealousy, anger and some other things. I'm not sure it's fair to drag anyone else into that, and I don't know if *I* want to go through it again, either.

A month is not a long time, especially if you didn't want the relationship to be over - you need some time to grieve and get over it before you are ready to be with someone again. Don't pressure yourself to get out there and find someone before you are ready, just get used to being on your own and see where you go from that. Believe me I have BTDT, on my own 7 months now after a 14 year relationship and it's not always easy although I think I was right to leave. I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet, I think it's going to take quite a while.
Rebecca_P wrote:

gal_rosa wrote:
But if I can help, or if you just want a bit of moral support, give me a yell.
I'll bear that in mind...! The first day went terribly, though I'm hoping that was simply due to the trainer that we were supposed to have not turning up. I'm hoping it'll improve as we get further in... I came home today wondering why the heck I'd even bothered.

Sorry to hear that, I hope it improves. Keep your chin up! And have a (((((((((hug)))))))))
Edited for formatting
"The unexamined life is not worth living"
Edited 28 Apr 08, 11:06 PM by gal_rosa


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