Checks and balances (0)

Cortina's profile . Cortina's homepage

Cortina
Posted by Cortina on Fri 25 Apr 08, 3:48 PM

Anyone who knows knows that I'm not very good at 'doing' balanced things in certain areas of life. I have *cough* slight tendencies to get too absorbed with work, to the point where I dream of it. Normal people dream of weird high jinxs at the office - I dream of doing paperwork, to the minute detail.

Last week I took time off to go and see the family, none who live in this country. It was a great leveller, being away from both work and other highly influental factors and people in my life (the latter being wholly positive, I may add). In relation to the people, or specifically one person, there was an expectation of what can only be described as mental withdrawal symptoms .

In week, I spent time with a member of my immediate family who is ill, unwittingly got in the middle of one cousins marriage breakdown which is proving to be nasty indeed, and spent time with another cousin's kids, technically running riot with a bunch of under 5- year olds. I got the required amount of maternal fussing, bought a bag for when I start Uni (and before it's pointed out, yes, I do know it's another 5 months before I start). Did a fair amount of gardening, too, which amazes me. I am quite suprised my mum let me out unsupervised in the garden, looking at the last time I visited. The short version of events is that instead of trimming a hedge, in a fit of inspiration and empowerment (given by the saw, no doubt) I pretty much mutilated if before sawing down a few other trees, too . Just because. After all, you shouldn't stem the flow of creativity and artistic vision, which I certainly think I had at the time.

It was a week of doing lot, without doing much.

But yesterday before flying back, I was doing my packing and it hit me. For the first time in years, I felt like I was coming back to something that was good, and I was happy, excited even. My life has found an unforced balance. I will spend time with the family sometime in June/July, September and December. I will start University in September. Next week I will head out to do things that are highly significant, probably more that I am even daring to think at the moment.

Things will start occurring in cycles of a few months. Small manageable chunks that include the everyday grafting, but also highlights.

And most importantly, I have a life outside work which has become a very natural and positive part of the bigger picture. I am suddenly defining myself and my life with something other that my job or my achievements. I am letting other people do it for me, too, which is a first in years, letting them define me with the words used, giving me a meaning that suits their perception of me.

It is quite hard to describe how things feel. Positive to a level that's squared doesn't even come close. For someone who has always neglected things because of work and studies, having a solid certainly this time this will not happen if a first. Not that I mean that I will not show obsessive features when I start Uni, though. the casual reader can certainly expect to be bored to tears once I start going on about it ! Friends, well, they can both expect it and bloody well put up with it .

This has resonated a lot in the past week. Make of that what you will - I can say on my defence, it was on power play on the radio channel I listened to! I haven't gone soft !


	©1997-2009 Informed Consent