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| Purrverse |
As a Domme, I get a fair number of requests from men who want to be "sissified", "forced" into frilly girly undies and makeup and turned into an "objectified slut".
This generally raises a brow for me, for a few reasons-
-I don't see how putting on women's clothing is humiliating, by itself, unless you think it symbolizes being less masculine, and you think that's humiliating -I like men in skirts- a-lines tend to look nice, though I'm a sucker for petticoats- but I don't see that as taking away from their masculinity -Most of the women I know don't wear frilly underthings or makeup -As this request often goes all together, I wonder if they think I can't objectify them without props, or if the humiliation of being a feminine slut is supposed to be intrinsic
See, I like crossdressing men- I love men surprising me with women's lacy underthings, for example, under a suit- but I also think that the way sissification is viewed as a fetish indicates that a man dressing/acting like a woman would be intrinsically humiliating, which I disagree with. Rather, I think that being, shall we say, in touch with your feminine side, is something worthwhile and important. I don't think that women are sissies, or that men should be made to feel like womanhood is something they should be embarrassed to emulate. They should be proud, in my opinion, which as a woman means I'm always right. 
Thinking about this in terms of genderfuckery, queer sex, and the idea of female-2-femme, I wonder if I'm partially making a distinction between femininity (these stereotypes and assumptions about sexual passivity, lingerie and makeup) and femme, which I see as empowered and claiming girliness for yourself, defining what you want that to be.
Or is it something else? Am I recoiling at the idea that this is a fetish based on ideas about femininity I find bothersome? The fact that no one ever asks me to validate their girly self, but rather chastise them for having that inner her, suggests that it's expected that these clients would feel negatively for it. I guess it'd be like if I said "I want to role play being a man- I want to fart, drink lots of beer, not talk about my feelings, be sexually aggressive, be homophobic, and watch sports"... except in that role play, would I be ashamed? Probably not, if I was playing my role right. I'd be like, "look, this is how I am, deal". Shame seems to be something linked into the feminine in this way. Why is that? We can say "oh, because it demonstrates weakness in a man, a tender side", but why is that really? Why don't these "sissy" men want to be empowered? Why is it still so shaming to be feminine?
Stay tuned for some musing on my own struggle with butch/femme and the slash between...
| 27 Mar 08, 11:05 AM Mistress_Hypatia UK, 5 yrs |
I've thought that as well - why is being female, or being like a female, seen as humiliating? I've even heard a woman who identified herself as a feminist declare that she would like to see more men in women's clothes as humiliation. Made me think that she really saw herself as inferior to men and her overt protestations of being a feminist were overcompensation. Sad, really. But we have thousands of years of conditioning to see women as 'the weaker sex', as 'less' than men. Even fifty years ago, the idea of gender equality was not accepted. It's going to take a lot longer than that for gender equality to filter down into the deepest recesses of people's psyches instead of being something that we 'have to do because that's what the rules say'. Of course, along with real gender equality, we have to accept and celebrate the differences. Females aren't the same as males in any way - mentally or emotionally, not just physically. But being on average less physically strong, for example, doesn't make the female sex worth less, it just means that the strength of the female lies elsewhere. One thing I would like to know, though, and I must ask one of the TVs I know, is why the profusion of satin and lace. Some of the dresses for TVs are amazing confections of more lace and ruffles than you can shake a stick at, and I don't think I've met a biological female who would be caught dead in one. I would have thought that if it was 'I want to be a woman/like a woman' then the clothes chosen would be more akin to what biological females wore. Or is it 'I want to wear lace and frills and I bloody well will if I want to'? Where the clothes are what's important, and femininity as an abstract concept, rather than as an attribute of real women? What do you reckon? --A lady is never offensive... by accident.-- | |
| 27 Mar 08, 11:10 AM grumio UK, 5 yrs |
for me it is being in touch with my feminine side and not about enforced or being a sissy or any thing like that, don't do frilly undies prefer normal one pattern undies, size 11-12 years not many frillys in that size with out checking. its like a grounding for me to further enhance my feminine side and assists in keeping me sort of level.
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| 27 Mar 08, 11:30 AM Purrverse US, 7 yrs |
See, I can get that- sort of maintaining the yin/yang. Of course, I say this as I wear my black boxer briefs! :D The human race's strongest sexual instinct is the impulse to meddle in other people's sex lives | |
| 27 Mar 08, 11:36 AM Purrverse US, 7 yrs |
First off- Goth Lolita totally gets women doing the frilly frills thing. I'd do it more if I could find it in my size- now, what's interesting is that wearing frilly stuff would make me feel, not more feminine, but like a brash drag queen. So I'd be dressing as a man dressing in over the top femininity. ::brain boggles:: See, when I get men asking about wearing women's clothes, it's definitely a specific type. It's high heels, for example, even though I can barely walk in those. It's satin underwear, when those give women yeast infections. O.o So it's like, not what women wear, but "I want to be feminine in the way that men can be feminine". Or something. I'm honestly still working it out. I had a partner who wore glitter, exquisite makeup, petticoats and fishnets with his industrial boots, goatee, and leather chest harness. Now, he, I felt, reflected femme, and reflected more like what I wear as a woman. I didn't feel confused by him, it was more of a "I'll wear what I like" thing, and it was HOT. Or another partner wore skirts cause he found them more comfortable. But then, what they wore was something of defiant pride, not humiliation. The human race's strongest sexual instinct is the impulse to meddle in other people's sex lives | |
| 27 Mar 08, 11:52 AM Seinen UK(CV), 5 yrs  |
Bitchy Jones has a take on the whole thing you might find interesting. She has nothing against transgenderedness in itself, but pretty much scorches the wall in a rant on how feminization is almost always linked to humiliation, how some men have to 'become' female to allow themselves to be treated in a negative way and how that's insulting to women - that the most demeaning, degrading thing they can do is to be more like the other half of the population. I reject your reality and substitute my own! | |
| 27 Mar 08, 11:58 AM steve1966 6 yrs |
I don't find dressing as a woman humiliating. I find it very liberating. OK Tasha would never go walking down a public street because I'd never want to inflict her (or my kink) on the general public. I don't understand the excessive satin and lace stuff either - it actually leaves me cold. Actually the whole "sissification" thing does nothing for me at all : Me in a pink frilly satin dress? I think not. Me in stockings, boots and a short tight skirt.. I rather think so, and being made to dress like that because I enjoy it and the Domme enjoys it just makes it even more fun..
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| 27 Mar 08, 1:16 PM Purrverse US, 7 yrs |
I've definitely read what she had to say about this and agreed, for the most part! The human race's strongest sexual instinct is the impulse to meddle in other people's sex lives | |
| 27 Mar 08, 10:32 PM newfavourite UK(S), 4 yrs |
That's a very good question. I don't know the answer. It bugs me! I think it could be something to do with how 'masculinity' is constructed. The only way to identify as a 'man'that is not the archetypal macho alpha male, is to use various symbols of 'femininity'. But I am still not sure why this relates to shame and degredation. Sometimes it's hard being a man! Newfavourite x You fit into me like a hook into an eye- a fish hook/ an open eye (Margaret Attwood) Edited 28 Mar 08, 7:57 AM by newfavourite |
