Qualities of a Dominant Partner (27)

Raegan's profile

Replies

26 Mar 08, 3:30 PM
DominantGentleman
2 yrs

touch_taboo wrote:

DominantGentleman wrote:
I do not possess a sweet tooth, but cheesecake, being made essentially of cheesey buttery stuff, works for me.
Stilton easter egg anyone ? With chorizio inside ?
I have one of those for you next you're here deary ..it has your name iced on it and everything!
x
Oh my goodness...and all for me !!!!

26 Mar 08, 4:43 PM
ElegantSubmission
UK, 6 yrs
Hi Raegan,
My compliments on a very detailed and thought-invoking post. It was a pleasure to read. Thank you.
You've obviously put a lot of time and effort into identifying what you want to achieve. I am working on some similar personal development areas and your post has helped me with that process.
As some of the others have said, I'm sure it will take time but the end result will be well worth it.
Best wishes and good luck,
ele x

"One does not yearn for that which is easily achieved."

26 Mar 08, 10:43 PM
Kookie
UK(E), 11 mths

Raegan wrote:

DominantGentleman wrote:
Gosh...sounds tougher than a MBA !!
Nothing worth having is ever easy. Except maybe cheesecake.
Love this.....so true.

27 Mar 08, 8:57 PM
Cosmic1
UK(SW), 4 yrs
£
Hi Raegan,
Thoughtful and enjoyable weblog to read. It expressed a lot and if you communicate as well with your partner I am sure everything will soon fall into place.
I am not sure what you are looking for is a mentor, I get the feeling it is more than likely time you seek.
I have been in many relationships over the years, some short while others have been much longer in nature and certainly more on the complex side.
The truth is that in any relationship where BDSM has been involved it is always more of an evolution than fully formed on day one. As the relationship evolves the control and role that you both fulfil develops sometimes rapidly and at other times step by step. Some last a long time and others are over quite quickly. I can safely say that I have learnt something about myself and others from each interaction.
For me one big lesson was the realisation that everything is a balance and you only enjoy the high times by learning to recognise the down times and accepting that they play a part.
Apart from that get out meet people, have fun, remember it should be fun and that there is no secret rule book passed down through the old European houses. The vast majority of people out on the public scene are more than willing to talk and share thoughts and advice but the best information I got and still do is from watching and listening. I often tell new staff or submissives you were thankfully born with two ears, two eyes but only one mouth please use them for communication in that ratio fact is that it's something that applies to all good relationships.
Sounds like you are well on the path though.
David
London Alternative Market
www.JuSTRope.co.uk
www.MasterCosmic.co.uk

29 Mar 08, 1:01 AM
Romola
UK, 3 yrs

How lovely to read a weblog from a dominant who has the very rare combination of strength, confidence and humility to freely discuss areas where she would welcome advice and guidance. A very welcome innovation and one that I hope will catch on.
Clearly, it's in your interest not to annoy other users of IC by felching the wanking barfs or weblogs with ads.

29 Mar 08, 9:31 PM
MissKimberley
NL, 5 yrs
£
Excellent blog and well done for having written down such intimate thoughts and sharing them.
I think first and foremost I would say "relax". While relationships take lots and lots of work and communication, they also shouldn't become a psychological study in detail. It's easy to beat yourself up about things that don't go according to plan. It's admirable and certainly a positive thing that you want to improve on self control and maturity, but none of it can be forced. It will come, through time and dedication, like a beautiful garden. It takes time and effort to select the seeds, prepare the soil, grow the seeds, keep weeds out, plant out the seedlings... only over time does it become a lush beautiful garden full of interesting things. The annuals will pop up and flower in the first year, giving you much enjoyment. But there are many more plants that will only start to thrive during later years.
If you keep that in mind whenever you are looking at your seedlings, you'll know time, patience and a little TLC will go a long way
"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made." Marquis de Sade

4 Apr 08, 8:36 AM
Raegan
UK, 2 yrs
Thank you to all of the people who replied to this blog and who took the time to memo me. All the supportive and constructive comments have been really appreicated. I am replying privately to each one, but it is taking a little time because of the number of replies

6 Apr 08, 9:08 PM
Miracle_Master
UK(CF), 9 mths
£
Dear Raegan, I've read your post and all of the current threads and replies to it. Mt first thoughts were what a great post. My second was to acknowledge the quality of the replies!
I knew it was right to join IC! So, can I offer any further guidance, advice or assistance? Well, one subject which dosn't seem to have been covered here within your initial post or the replies is the concept of, 'contracting'.
As a trained Counsellor and Trainee Psychotherapist within the field of, Transactional Analysis, I use contracts every day of my life both with my private practice with my personal client's and in my relationships with my friends and family.
In simple terms Raegan, do you and you partner have a contract? Have you ever contracted? If so, I'd be very interested in seeing and hearing what you've done or what you've currently put in place if possible!
If you don't have a contract or contracting process before, during and after play may I suggest boldly that the process of contracting may assist and support you in getting that balance and equilibrium which you seem to have temporarily lost in your BDSM relationship.
I'd be more than happy to discuss this subject online and via these public posts and blogs or, if you choose, off line via email or another contact.
However, I've included in this post a simple but effective starting contract for play. Finally, I thought that the comments about age and maturity did have power. At 23 you've just started on your journey, it takes time to be able to 'walk the walk and talk the talk!'
At 46, I'm still walking and talking my journey, however, even we more mature and experianced Doms loose their way occasionally. It's all a part of the process...
Let me know if I can be of further assistance, go steady, for the road has many a winding turn...
Miracle-Master x
CONTRACT!
Personal Play Contract 2008 *please be open, honest and truthful with yourself:
Name: DOM/Sub
Date: 6/4/08
1. What do you want from your Dom/Sub during play to enhance your experience, understanding and pleasure?
2. What will you need to change to get what you want from this play session, during or after the session has ended?
3. What are you willing to do to effect change within this play session, during or after the session ends?
4. How will you know you've achieved what you wanted, during or after play?
5. How might you sabotage yourself or the experience during or after play?
6. What steps will you take if you do sabotage yourself or your experience during or after play?
7. Who will support you during or after the play session?
8. What safety mechanisms are in place to support this experience, during and after play?
Other Personal Notes or Thoughts:
� Copyright Terry Mace 2008 � *You may freely adapt and alter this contract to suit your personal and individual needs, however, if you use or publish this contract in its original form, acknowledgement of copyright and authorship as shown above must be included in the published or printed material. Acknowledgement of this original resource and its author would also be appreciated should you choose to alter, change or share this with others in whatever format. This resource is not for resale or financial charge other than by the original author and copyright owner. Please don't omit this section!
'If You Always Do, What You've Always Done, You'll Always Get What You've Always Got!'

9 Apr 08, 7:21 AM
Morticia
UK, 6 yrs Life is a constant learning curve,and maturity brings wisdom,if you allow it to.
Emotional maturity can be learned at any time,and I consider it the most important aspect of any relationship.
As far as BDSM is concerned,there are always people who believe their way is the only way,and anyone who is not like them,is out of the Cult.
Why on earth would someone want to get involved in BDSM?
In my experience there are people who have an open mind to the pleasures of it and there are a few who are mentally or emotionally unstable.The latter need to be avoided in relationship terms.
Personaly,I find long term relationships work well when there is a balance of vanilla and BDSM.If you are a naturally dominant person it comes more easily than someone who has changed paths.
A strong person will take time to reflect and consider options for the future.You have done that,and I wish you well.
"What may be seen by one,may often be dark or obscure to another."

9 Apr 08, 9:36 PM
Dombibitch
UK, 2 yrs
£ Alot of Dom's struggle with alcohol and drug addiction. I wonder if the issues You have spoken about are the reason why? Thank-You for being so honest.
.....it don't feel good unless it hurts- so take this wound and rape it. Dombibitch

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