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| LadyEmmaCavendish |
I've been dabbling with "the other side" and no, I don't mean I've explored my bi-curious side (that was years ago, catch up!) I mean I've taken to thoroughly enjoying Domming.
This has had an enormous impact, unsurprisingly, on my submissive side. When did this start? I'm not sure, I can't define when I started feeling less submissive. (Though of course I can define when I started being more dominant.) I've posted before on IC regarding changes in my relationship with Master. We're closer now than we have ever been and the chemistry is still overflowing. Some of the original rules still stand, dress codes in particular are still strong. Other, more personal rules are still in effect, yet are they to do with my submissive side or just a great way to maintain a strong relationship?
Last year I looked for play partners, had a great time playing but still didn't find what I was looking for. I had a small accident during a scene before Christmas that left me feeling "funny inside." Since then I have met the Dom concerned for a glass of wine. It was a great opportunity to discuss my current feelings and he suggested, that like other subs he has known, I may just be taking a break from subbing and may naturally come back to it in the future.
I met a potential play partner, had a great night but on reflection thought to myself "What you're looking for is great, but it's a shame you're 5 years too late."
It's difficult, as a I don't actually know what I am looking for as a submissive. Am I just trying to re-kindle all those wonderful new experiences I had when I found BDSM? I know that's impossible.
It's my intention to continue meeting new potential play partners to see if I / they can flick the switch which seems to currently be hidden.
This weekend was interesting for me, I was very fortunate to be invited to a very special place with my closest kinky friends. Yet it was the camaraderie and the fact my sub was there that made it for me, not the opportunity to receive extensive CP.
Is it that I just haven't had a play session recently that has touched my inner core? Is it that I have convinced myself I can't/won't find what I need? Is it the fact I won't commit to trying any more, won't let myself go? Is it that I truely want and positively enjoy being in control?
Will that change, have I lost my submissive streak forever or is it a "just a break"?
| 3 Mar 08, 7:48 PM littlenic UK(KT), 5 yrs |
Not to mention your uber-hot roommate.
Darling, I can't help you with answers, but I can offer an ear or a glass of wine if either of those things would ever help. Perhaps the key is not to think about it too much (says the world's greatest over-thinker) and just go with gutfeel - whatever feels right at the time perhaps?
"Yours is over there..." | |
| 5 Mar 08, 6:42 AM Rapunzel  UK(WC), 9 yrs  |
I would second that one. I may be able to help with the answers or at least have had/sometimes still have the same experience, but a glass of wine sounds good to me. The most important thing is 'don't despair'. You'll find it again. I promise.
Rapunzel - all round bad girl.... Fawcett Hall Lowewood Academy |
