Dressing to please (52)

Thankyou so much for your comments, all you've said makes so much sense. I have spoken to Master about how worried i am and he has been absolutely great about it. I'll probably be ok cos when i'm actually with him the nerves go out of the window and all i can see is him ( if u know what i mean ). Its just our first time to spend a decent amount of time together and i think i'm having last minute nerves, its all so new to me. anyway we're away in just over a week so update to follow....lyn x

All my Best, Kitty

i used to dress up in my corset gear, short skirt and high boots and walk about town with my Ex Dom, i didnt mind but after a couple of hours i found it hard to breathe and nearly fell over a couple to times and i'm a curvy lady.

I think if your dom cares about you he will care about your comfort and well being.

I would say talking its the best solution as it is a 2 way thing.

I would suggest stockings possibly, without pants still have the access your dom is probably thinking about and seriously short skirts are not a good look in public, unless your self confidence can actually cope with people looking at you like 'eh its not summer yet...'

My general motto is comfort over style...

sometimes style hurts and you have to be in the mood for that pain because it can be enjoyable in some aspects.

I know pleasing your dom is probably your main aim but your dom needs to know you that well to know what your comfort levels are and he can dress you accordingly.

So what if "comfortable" means constantly hiding a body you don't think is worth showing off to anyone under saggy, baggy jumpers and jeans.

If the lady looks good but isn't YET comfortable being in such clothes, then why would making her experience looking sexy in public be a bad thing to break down barriers that may be holding her back?

Why would allowing someone you love to hide from the rest of the world forever be a positive thing to do?

If the person viewing themselves has a dysmorphia issue then I genuinely don't see how getting them to challenge that and understand that they don't see themselves as the rest of the world does can ever be a negative thing.

Can someone explain this to me? (And I am VERY specifically dealing with someone who DOES look good but can't see it in their own eyes)

Prof Tim

Is having multiple personalities a disorder and not a bonus..? You get to be several different people rather than being stuck with same old one every single day.

Edited 3 Mar 08, 1:51 PM by Beau_Tox

I realised many years ago that there is no point trying to please many people - because they have different ideas about what is attractive and acceptable. So even if you chose to wear your favourite outfit there would still be people who thought it was not to their taste.

Even my opinion isn't valid - which is that you have quite a good shape. You also have delicious clear white skin which is rare. Your legs are going to look great encased in nylon!

Lastly, you must focus on what you are getting out of this. Whether it's giving up control, or humiliation, or exhibitionism or making your Dom feel good, or you feeling uncomfortable, I would guess there is a perspective you could take to make things easier. And if there is isn't, well tough - you don't make the rules!

Earlier on in this thread Needy_Pickle said nobody has a right to make you feel uncomfortable.

I do reject this claim, nobody should settle for anybody he/she cares about or indeed themselves, making do with living this short incredible life we have feeling "comfortable", tis a recipe for stagnation for if you do not seek out and embrace that which you fear you will never progress or be able to grow as a person. Comfort stinks, to be brutally honest

This essay by Geoff Thompson (public domain) seems very relevant to many areas of D/s, so hope it is of interest to the OP and others, I reread it often myself and found it very applicable.

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I read an interesting story the other day about a tribe in Europe called the Yezidis. Like many ancient peoples their world is one of superstition and ritual. Whilst most find it easy to judge their beliefs as backward and primitive, I don't, because I look around me and see so many contemporary parallels.

One such superstition practiced by the Yezidis is the circle in the sand. When I read about the theory and practice of, what amounts to, a prison without walls or doors, I was intrigued, excited and, to be honest, a little scared. Intrigued because I drew almost immediate and startling parallels in my own life.

Excited because a plethora of these imprisoning circles suddenly became visible in my own life (where before they existed as invisible and unexplained blocks). And scared because now that the circles had made them selves known I felt compelled to do something about them.

In Yezidi tradition if someone, for whatever reason, usually malicious, draws a circle in sand around you, due to innate fears and ancient beliefs and superstitions, it becomes impossible to escape, unless someone on the outside breaks the circle and lets you free. This belief is so ingrained, so powerful, that a member of the Yezidi tribe would eventually die in the circle if someone on the outside did not break it. It is as though an invisible energy field surrounds the person on the inside, leaving them trapped, forever at the mercy of those on the outside. You'd think, logically, that the trapped person would simply walk through the circle drawn in the sand and laugh at the mere notion that he was captive. The opposite is true. His belief in the circular gaol is so powerful that escape becomes impossible. There have been many documented cases of people dragging a trapped Yezidi forcefully from the unbroken circle (the belief is so set that it is if they are held there by some superhuman power, and one very strong man would not be capable of removing even a slight female or a child without first breaking the circle) only to find that the said Yezidi fell immediately into a deep trance that they did not exit until they were replaced back in the circle. Only when the circle is broken from the outside can the Yezidi escape.

As I said, it is easy to think this childishly primitive, even though for the tribe steeped in superstition it is as real as gravity. But when we look at our own life, at our own society and its rules and regulations (should I say superstitions) we see parallels that are startlingly similar. I have seen many friends become seriously ill with stress and depression when trying to break the circle of their social norm. As a young man my circle in the sand was the factory (which was actually more of an inherited identity than a job). I wanted to leave it, I was desperate to leave it, but try as I might I could find no escape. Every time I tried to break the barrier that circumvented my reality I was frozen with fear, until I took myself back into the safe zone where I quickly returned to my unhappy (but safe) norm. I was in a miserable marriage where I felt limited and unfulfilled. But there was a circle drawn in the sand around the union that I could not break. Every time I tried to leave the marriage the terror struck and I found myself, gratefully going back to what was hated, but what was familiar. Similarly when I desperately wanted to become a writer the circle that surrounded my non-writer self would not allow me an exit. Like most people I was waiting for someone on the outside to create a break in the circle to set me free. But that was a bit like waiting for a lottery win. When we rely on external forces to change our destiny we give over all our power to those outside influences. Like the fates, they might help, but mostly they will not.

I was partly kept in the circle by my own hand (we usually draw our own circle of limitation) and partly by my friends and relatives and social norms, all of whom were very quick to scare me back into the circle should I try to escape. Not maliciously of course, people just react to what they know, and what they know is usually limited by their own influences and their upbringing (and genes). I started to look at the people around me, my friends, family and students and asked myself two things (and tried to be as honest as I could); was I allowing them to draw circles in the sand around me? Often we do not grow because those closest to us advise us not to, perhaps telling us that where we want to go is the wrong path, and because we love them we trust their advice. Or perhaps we allow them to draw circles in the sand around us, because we fear our own massive potential, we fear that that our rate of growth might leave them disorientated, hurt, lost or even left behind them. The second question was harder; 'have I been guilty of drawing circles in the sand around the people I love? Are they limited because my fear of their growth is represented by the circle in the sand around them?' Once we can answer these questions honestly, we can start to work on making a break in the circle from the inside and making a break for freedom on the out. This works for us, for those that imprison us, and for those that we imprison, because when you set them free you also set yourself free, and when you set yourself free, everyone in your world gets to taste free air. Your success is everyone's success, and everyone's success is yours.

Obviously, later, when I became sick and tired of my very small reality and decided to challenge it for one that was a better fit, I broke the circle from the inside, and whilst it was very disorienting at first (terrifying at times) I soon got used to it, to the point that I started to break other imposed and self imposed circles, entering and exiting realities almost at will.

This is hard stuff to get your head around, harder still to make the changes that need to be made, but then we were never meant to be in the game of easy, there is no growth in easy. Only when you break the Yezidi circle of your own free will do you truly own the will to be free.

Edited 6 Mar 08, 5:57 PM by BadWulf

Id say get something that is quality and fits you right and then just go with it. Hes doing this for a reason, trust him.