Theory: Why Dommes are scarce. (93)

Meanwhile back on Planet Earth, most households in this world are run by women but led by men.

Confusing the fantasy, however well drawn, with reality is a big part of the problem, as many posters on this thread have pointed out. If you're going to delude yourself about what most women in the world are like, for whatever reason of nature or nurture, then you're going to find it that bit harder to find a dominant one.

Regards,

Tanos

www.tanos.org.uk

Are they leading or are they just manipulated into thinking they are leading it?

Are your eyes open or are you just fantasising?

Tanos

www.tanos.org.uk

In my experience, many dominant men are shit scared of dominant women. There is plenty psychoanalysis has to say about this, but the idea of the dominant sexual female has generally been associated with degeneration in the past. I'm not sure if that's changing.

None of this explains why there are so few dominant women on the scene. Researching femdom last semester, I found an almost total lack of material on the subject. Plenty on submissive/masochist males and what they desire from dominant women, but very, very little on dominant women as autonomous sexual beings. Which is an essay in itself.

http://sm-feminist.blogspot.com/
http://bppa.blogspot.com

Edited 22 Feb 08, 8:56 AM by verte

Image and presentation. This is my theory as there are some “dommes” on this site who couldn't dominate their way out of a wet paper bag. Why I know this as a few bad words from me they run to the admin and get me banned for a while. And now I am back checking my memos I saw this topic.

Got me thinking. On this forum it is more image based. “Dommes” give the stereotypical image of what a “Domme” is supposed to be, aggressive, bitchy, unemotional, the cold dominatrix. And the sub men equally delusional play the same game giving the submissive male image. Weak, submissive, etc..

So they dance. And sometimes beneath all that delusional nonsense a few might even get on. But it is that delusion seems to put many off. The role-play element of what a “Domme” is supposed to be. On a forum like this why would women want to play that image? As only a few are any good at it. Bdsm has descended into fiction online rather than reality. And the guys love that too much as so many sub men they chase that fantasy presentation online with the “Domme” cold presentation.

But strip all that stereotypical images away and maybe might get somewhere. But I doubt bdsm online ever change.

Give me room to breathe.

Are they rare? I've never really noticed. I think that if a male (or female) sub is polite, intelligent, makes an effort to be sociable, has a sense of humour, proves themselves to be a nice person first and a sub second, and doesn't show themselves to just be desperate (Dommes talk to each other and can spot a mass-memoist), then they will come to the attention of Dommes.

Of course i've done none of that, but women still wanna hit me. Go figure!

Saint Severin, the benchmark by which purity, holiness & normality are measured.
Your Pontiff elect has spoken. Now go about your business. Bless you.
DIY Pope~Pope Chart~Be Pope

Edited 22 Feb 08, 9:27 AM by HisHoliness

Are they? I know quite a few... how are you determining a 'good Domme'?

Well it's no secret as far as im concerned... give me a dominant man any day of the week... and i dont just mean someone who alledges to be 'dominant'.. i mean the proper jobby....

not quite getting the would be bit... your either dominant or your not... or are you talking about would be potential dommes?

Anyway... from my prospective it depends on the submissive... some, though not all, are pretty cool... its the fantacists that do my head in and i cant be doing with all this "ill do anything for you mistress" crap... we know its not true.... so why say it?

Speaking for myself as a dominant woman who doesnt generally fuck subs, ive only ever fucked one, i have no sexual intrest in submissive men what so ever... i want a dominant man... i want a man who is more dominant than i and i suspect thats down to primal instinct... and the need to have good sex ... which to be honest the vast majority of submissive men cant pull off....(i wont go on about dominant men not really being able to pull it off either... but your more likely to get lucky with a dominant one... actually saying that.... ah fuck it dont get me started on that)

~* If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on so many of life's great disappointments! *~

*sev crosses yet another one off his list

Looks like Mrs Thatcher's going to be the only one left*

Saint Severin, the benchmark by which purity, holiness & normality are measured.
Your Pontiff elect has spoken. Now go about your business. Bless you.
DIY Pope~Pope Chart~Be Pope

Edited 22 Feb 08, 9:40 AM by HisHoliness

Very well put Have to say i totally agree with you

Her will be done

This is sooo true Tanos!

I think that the balance in reality (ie offline and in the world of what is really happening) is not as far out as people think. I think a lot of internet traffic is wank traffic. Even a proportion of those we see in the community real time is wank traffic. I totally agree that the amount of males actually able to be genuinely submissive (as opposed to having a wind up domme do something to them which is erotic for them and culminates in some kind of sex) isn't much different to women in the same position.

I met more submissive men who are actually submissive before I entered the scene, as I am a naturally dominant creature who attracts that type of character. I prefer to do it in a considered way, and I am kinky. so here I am in the community.

Yes a lot of the scene as a whole if we take into account what is visible is taken up by people out for a sexual thrill. I would guess that the proportion of dominant females getting exactly what they want from their male partners (sexually or otherwise) in private behind closed doors is most likely way higher than it appears in the scene (bear in mind how many of us here have probably been kinky or dom/sub for years and years before we even became aware of a scene or fetish or what BDSM is - and then before getting the balls to come and meet the community).

Power is sexy - power and its movement is always present in all relationships (intimate or not). We (the BDSM community) did not invent it, nor did we invent D/s although long time ago people began to give things names and set some standards we may or may not follow if they suit us.

Yes I agree gender plays a part, I think women are socially conditioned into subservience and men into being powerful - at the same time and quite possibly because of that, lots of us choose to either enhance that consentingly into a super hot romanticised idea of male dom and kink, or for some of the rest of us., to be excited by the irony of turning this on it's head and being excited by the reverse of this. But this is about nonconsentual social conditioning and the farce of assigned gender roles, not something inherently biological. i would even suggest that mens muscle skills were never designed to denote superiority, but ability to fetch and carry ... if we're going to try using genetics as a marker we can make up anything we bloody want LOL. the point is that's irrelevant really I think.

I doubt if we could survey those who practice in private we'd find the figures to be that far out, or the concept of a bossy wife and a henpecked husband would not be social stereotypes. Off the top of my head I'd say half the 'vanilla' people I know are dominant females and I see their males behave in a submissive fashion.

I definitely agree with all those who say it would be nice for people in wider society to know that it's not as rare as they think.

I think what may well happen is it does serve certain people's interests to perpetuate the idea that dominant women are hard to find. I have tended to assume that those are the women who end up picking up the wankers when they can be bothered to get their money out. and good on 'em for finding a use for these creatures which can leave everyone feeling satisfied!!

I realise some people here who's interest is primarily in kinky sex may find my message a little challenging, but simply I think it's a farce to pretend there's not a difference between people who are primarily looking for kinky sex and those who want to actually be involved in real D/s (and this thread is about dommes, not people who want to get others off by dressing up). This is most likely the reason many of us wouldn't offer sex to men, it's a superfast way of weeding out the ones who aren't in it for submission. There's a big difference between us not offering sex to men as 'part of being a domme' and never doing it. The whole point of being a domme as opposed to something else is we are doing D/s... something sex may or may not be part of, but is not an inherent requirement and being told it should be does nothing to enhance ones feeling of dominance (its ridiculous actually!!).

personally as to whether someone is a good domme or not for offering sex, it's bollocks - theres plenty of men who dont offer sex either (where's me mate strangeangle! also i think it's harder to focus on domination when your mind has dropped to your genitals anyway. The point is it's ok for people to do it either way as long as they are well matched. for the dom/me who expects and wants sex as part of their arrangement - great. for those of us who don't - great. what I dont understand is why anyone would want to be having a go at those of us who dont (unless they are narked cos they can't find a shag!). if the profile says Domme not kinky sex provider - just move on and let the boys near who are really looking for a domme, stop wasting their airtime! and to be honest if what people are really after is sex and they cant get it here, why dont they just try the usual vanilla places other men go to find a shag? If I were in this for sex, it would be far easier and I just wouldn't bother skilling myself up, getting equipment etc, I'd go to the local pub and find cock (or cunt).

erm. just a bit of a rant there

I sorta only joined the thread to say I AGREE!!!

De

Roses are red, bruises are blue, masochists are sweet, and I love you.