Theory: Why Dommes are scarce. (93)

I think a few of the above can certainly be true. I can't seem to move around but bump into Dominant women. But are they in the 'scene'? No - they're usually working in some managerial capacity and wondering why they're still single at 46 wishing 'Mr Right' would come along.

I'm sure that Dominent women are still in the minority in some way, but I do believe that the majority of them are not aware of themselves as Domme's and for various reasons wouldn't find themselves involved in an alternative lifestyle.

I do believe that the concept of Dominent women is becoming more mainstream and less associated with pro-Dommes. I recently found a website by a woman who wrote the book 'Venus on Top', which is basically about being a Dominant woman and how to find a submissive partner, just put in more generic terms! But whether all Dominant women are into kink might be a different topic all together, so there may still be a lot of disappointed male subs out there in future.

Edited 21 Feb 08, 10:34 PM by bruyere

Next time you want to use the <i>ug, it's natural, ug</i> caveman arguments maybe you might want to check out the fact that this is kinky sex. It's full of PVC and electros and internets. Gawd.

But really, if you must go there, all arguments for no dominant women because of hard wired nonsense *would* *also* *apply* *to* *submissive* *men*. And they seem to get made just fine. Despite all their muscle and testosterone and inbuilt need to fight mammoths. Submissive men still manage to exist so hardwired laws of the sexes cannot be the reason.

The reason is more simple. And so obvious. Femdom culture is toxic, misogynistic and offensive to women. Very few women stick around who aren't being paid to be because it is way horrible. And people expect you to dress like a slutty goth. And you don't get to get fucked. Double crappy whammy. I have to dress up *and* I get no dick!

There's more here, if you like, you know, my stuff

http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/2007/10/11/why-...

And *please* no more with the male submission isn't sexy to women stuff. It is - it's just been *woefully* misrepresented. There are dominant women in Shakespear? no shit. And there are submissive men in ever great story ever told. From Atlas to Angel. Because male submission is a beautiful, brave, strong, sexy thing. You just need to find it under the frilly knickers and tiny cock talk and stupid fucking ideas about female sexuality.

http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/2007/06/06/my-h...

Ok, if that is the reason that dommes are scarce. Why are Femsubs a much larger group?

Surely Male dom stereotyping is far more mysogynistic, toxic and demeaning to women than the far more subtle and implied mysogyny and demeaning nature of femdom?

Love the site btw.

My sociobioligical stuff was pretty facetious.

Do you take testosterone injections?

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

That's sad, but I can believe it quite easily; in 22 years on The Scene, I've known bad behaviour from any number of men - almost invariably (but not quite all) submissive men, many of whom weren't really submissive at all, just opportunistic wankers. I've known *one* woman quibble about the need to dress up to get into a club - just one, and it was Club Whiplash, which might give some idea of how long ago it was, and I can think of *one* woman that managed to rise to the level of nastiness usually only acheived by unpleasant men. *One*.

And there are, it has to be said, one or two dommes out there are so stupid they will take up with 'submissive' men that have somehow presented themselves as every mistress's prayer while being anything but, and possibly a one or two daft enough to put up with them for a bit, but that kind of dumbness is very rare and getting rarer.

I recall my (then) girlfriend being grovelled over by a bloke at Club Goddess; his gambit was to slag off the woman he'd been with the last time - and I don't to this day know if he'd fooled her or paid her! (the woman, obviously, not my (then) girlfriend, who wasn't fooled at all, or paid very often).

But there are lots of happy relationships going on with the woman being top and the bloke being bottom, so it is perfectly possible; you just need the oomph to make it happen.

I'm glad I'm a switch, it's much simpler - spank your partner long enough and they want to spank back.

(and now I come to think about it, you *can* keep at least a pretty much 24/7 eye on SM even if both partners do switch, it's just more fun that's all)

Quo vix attingent Foederati punire possumus
www.the-firm.org

I think mandom is actually way less offensive. I really do. Because femsubs get to have fun and aren't expected to be untouchable sneering ice maidens. Plus they get dick. (That's my facetious).

Maybe because a lot of smart women have done the working through on that stuff (it's not really toxic - not per se). And femdom kind of got left - because people thought it was okay because the issues are kind of less obvious.

I'm needle phobic. I also believe that you don't need to take on masculine characteristics to be dominant. That's toxic.

This would exaggerate any inequality in numbers - because the ratio here is not "number of dommes vs number of male subs", it's the ratio in the numbers who are actively seeking a partner. If there are even only slightly more dommes, they will much more easily be able to find someone, where as there will be male subs who can't find anyone.

It also means that any domme putting up an ad knows they can ask for all sorts of things, knowing they'll still get responses. In real life, if you meet someone you find interesting, then you might fall for them even if they don't meet such high expectations.

Perhaps other reasons are that women are less likely to advertise, and more likely to respond to ads? (Again, this follows on from any initial inequality in numbers - if there are more male subs putting up ads, there's less reason for a domme to bother with an ad in the first place).

It's plausible that men are more likely to use personal ads at all, or be willing to meet people on the Internet?

As SpecialSundae says, it's also possible that online you have lots of extra sub males who are "fantasists", married (without their wife knowing) and so on, who would be less likely to be "competition" in real life.

Also remember that "alternative sexuality" doesn't equal the BDSM scene. I've always found play partners through other means - it seems to be the BDSM scene which seems to attract large numbers of male subs, and this has always put me off really bothering to try things like munches as a way of meeting new partners. I think there are a lot of kinky women out there who are happy to be dominant - they just don't come into the BDSM scene, and identify themselves as Dommes.

I do find the domme personal ads section rather depressing. Once you filter out the: "Looking for couple or sub girl", "Not looking for a sub male, I just like to tick myself into this category to falsely get your hopes up", Pro-Dommes who think they aren't pro-dommes because they ask for "tribute", "KNEEL BEFORE ME YOU WORTHLESS WORM AND FOLLOW ALL THESE INSTRUCTIONS OTHERWISE I WON'T EVEN CONSIDER YOU", Dommes who write their ads as if they are advertising a job vacancy, "I have slave/boyfriend/husband so I'll just use you for play, but I also insist you to be single", "No cross-dressing etc must be a MAN" (nothing wrong with that, but it's seems it's only dommes who seem to care about clothing, conforming to social gender role, or men being manly, etc), there's even less available.

Okay, to be fair I just had a look at the recent profiles, and it's not quite as bad as I remember...

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/extreme-images/

Edited 21 Feb 08, 11:22 PM by emark

I agree with that, and also that I think a lot of women are naturally dominant, but just not sexually.

~Put me on a pedestal, but be there to catch me if I fall~

Maybe the issues never got worked through because many people have a vested interest in maintaining the way femdom nation is just now: sexless, cold, mechanical and well.......like work.....

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But, if you inject testosterone you get hairy nipples and a mini-cock-clit!

How much moar dominant is that?

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

Because I managed to traverse CollarMe for 10 minutes without killing myself? It was a struggle...

Tuam matrem feci,
Patrick
IndelibleMarker

OK, I cannot resist a free kick at an open goal, so here goes - this is my theory of female sexuality.

If you want to know what women are "really" like, you have to look at the roles in society that are generally not permitted (or are frowned on, or require balls to swim against the currents of orthodoxy) for everyone, regardless of gender, and then look at how many women have decided to break the rules anyway, in comparison with men.

For instance, how many female bank robbers are there? How many female rapists? How many female muggers? How many female paedophiles?

Certainly they exist, but in every case they are very rare. But, you reply, that's because female liberation is still in its infancy. No, bank robbing is against the rules full stop. It's not cultural. You either have the balls for it or you don't. No one gives you permission.

Much the same applies when you come down the scale of trangression against norms. How many great female playwrights are there? How many great poets? How many great painters? Certainly they exist, but again, they are far fewer than males and this is also an area where no one gives you permission - you either have the balls for it or you don't. Some men do. Most women don't. I blame testerone.

How many Dommes are there? I think the answer is fewer than even your question suggests. Most Dommy women are simply fat bossy cows who are sexual impostors, trading on the fact that there are so many wimpy men around