Theory: Why Dommes are scarce. (93)

But most of the "male subs actively looking for a domme" on collarme and here are desperate. You just have to look at their profiles. They seem prepared to worship anybody with a pulse and tits. Too many are poorly socialised, illiterate, completely unaware of how realistic their desires are or how they come across. Hopeless cases who are only going to get anything if they pay for it; and even then most pro-dommes won't bother with them a second time.

(That is incidentally my theory about why so many of them get so vituperative about pro-dommes - they can't even get to pay for play with the same lady twice! They find having to pay embarrassing enough, then finding they enjoy it, but the lady won't see them again really screws up their anger.)

The odds are not that bad for a 'good' male sub or slave. They will find someone fairly soon. I have seen it happen many times; the ladies are out there. They are just not actively seeking, because they don't need to, sooner or later the right target will cross their sights.

As for the rest, they have to sort their lives out, get solvent, get savvy, get clean, learn to spell, punctuate, write more than a sentence in a message, and all the good stuff involved in how to be a gentleman and not a slob.

(Edited, because even my spelling is not quite perfect yet!)

Academy Incorporated: turning fantasy into reality Miss Prim's Muir Academy, Muir Academy For Maids, The Academy Club and The Tawsingham Society: fast friendly, helpful, discreet service, with integrity www.tawse.com www.muir-academy.com guy@tawse.com PO Box 135, Hereford, HR2 7WL, UK +44(0)143

Edited 21 Feb 08, 9:25 PM by sirguym

My theory isn't a theory.

Women who enjoy being dominant are quite numerous. They just get fucked off with people constantly inventing theories about why they are scarce.

why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?

Arf arf arf!

I said that.

Quo vix attingent Foederati punire possumus
www.the-firm.org

Stop watching porn, it is nothing like that.

Hone your interpersonal skills in the real world. Improve your kinkdar. Then convert a nilla woman.

That leads me to wonder how many people on the scene were introduced to this by a partner.

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

My former long term Domme was vanilla when i met her and she turned into a Super Domme

The Domme i was with before that i met as a vanilla contact and had no idea she was an experienced Domme.

It works people it works

Her will be done

The internet would only make a difference if the imbalance between the various flavours of BDSMer was a result of difficulty in communication; after all, the internet merely makes it easier to get in touch with other people who are kinky - it doesn't create more kinky people. The internet has increased the absolute size of the scene, so the number of dommes has gone up - but the number of everything else has gone up proportionately as well.

To think that the advent of the internet would increase the proportion of dommes to male subs presupposes that female dommes were less able to find the BDSM scene on their own without it being made easy for them.

And the 'big strong male = good father = more desirable' is generally why dominant males are seen as, in general, more desirable. However, not all women think that way - women are individuals, not a homogenous category.

I've noticed that there are two types of domme -

1) the dominant woman, who actually goes for men who are submissive to her (in an attractive way, not an icky can-I-lick-your-boots-mistress way) because she naturally prefers to be the dominant half of any relationship and

2) the strong, assertive woman who prefers to play with submissive males but for a long-term relationship really wants a man who is capable of dominating her - which can be a job and a half.

Neither subset is better than the other, or more 'genuine' than the other, but it's an interesting anthropological observation.

A lady is never offensive... by accident.

Edited 21 Feb 08, 9:49 PM by Mistress_Hypatia

I wasn't; I came down here on my own in 1986, and started organising stuff a couple of years later.

Quo vix attingent Foederati punire possumus
www.the-firm.org

I always wanted to do it. I did it in my 20s and then had a 10-year mostly-vanilla marriage interlude.

A relationship with someone already active brought me back. But then I think I'd have found my way anyway.

Since then I/we've brought hundreds (at least)out of the closet to come and play, and most have enjoyed it.

But if the potential isn't there, it just isn't.

But the good news is that I think it is there with a very high proportion of the apparently vanilla population.

Personally I suspect that if you're clever and imaginative, it is more likely than not you'd find your feet and a place in our world if introduced in the best way for you.

Academy Incorporated: turning fantasy into reality Miss Prim's Muir Academy, Muir Academy For Maids, The Academy Club and The Tawsingham Society: fast friendly, helpful, discreet service, with integrity www.tawse.com www.muir-academy.com guy@tawse.com PO Box 135, Hereford, HR2 7WL, UK +44(0)143

I don't think that women are naturally submissive. I think that a lot of women are naturally dominant but usually not in a fetishistic manner. The reason that a lot of the more dominant women I know avoid BDSM sites like the plague is that many of the male subs who are on these sites are either snivveling little fantasists who only care for their own pleasure, married men looking for a (not-so) cheap thrill or men with so many issues that you want to run screaming (I've come up against all of those categories on here in the last 48 hours).

Most of the people who actually post here are perfectly agreeable, it's the lurkers who bug me. I know that I haven't posted much recently, but nor do I go around pestering sub/switch men constantly.

I'm quite comfortably dominant, but that doesn't mean that I want to spend my life revolving around the wishes of a multitude of "submissive" men who seem to just list their desires and then wonder why I walk away.

SS