Theory: Why Dommes are scarce. (95)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

21 Feb 08, 7:15 PM
IndelibleMarker
UK(N), 4 yrs

These are really rough figures, but they are based on the number of subs, Doms, slaves and switches of each gender (Trans and couples not included) online in the last hour according to Collarme.com (I know collarme is terrible, but it's easier to count the numbers on and should still give a rough idea of ratios)
Males:
Dom: 212
Switch: 31
Sub: 178
Slave: 50
Sub & slave combined: 228
Total: 471
Females:
Domme: 55
Switch: 12
Sub: 100
Slave: 21
Sub and slave combined: 121
Total: 188
Therefore;
Dom:Domme = 4.16 : 1
Switch(M):Switch(F) = 2.58 : 1
Sub(M):Sub(F) = 1.88 : 1
Total(M):Total(F) = 2.51 : 1
Dom:sub(F)= 1.75 : 1
Domme:sub(M)= 0.24 : 1
Dom:sub(M) = 0.93 : 1
Domme:sub(F) = 0.45 : 1
I know this doesn't even attempt to answer the OPs question, but it does show that the stats tie up with the theory.
The figure for male Dom vs male sub being relatively close to 1:1 indicates that men are not naturally inclined to one side of the fence, at least strikingly, more than the other.
However, the low value for Domme:sub(F) does give the impression that women are naturally far more inclined to walk the submissive route.
I'm not going to put my balls on the line as to whether that's caused by nature or nurture though!
Tuam matrem feci,
Patrick
IndelibleMarker
Edited 18 Mar 08, 10:47 AM by IndelibleMarker

21 Feb 08, 7:21 PM
TheFalconer
UK(S), 4 yrs

IndelibleMarker wrote:
However, the low value for Domme:sub(F) does give the impression that women are naturally far more inclined to walk the submissive route.
I'm not going to put my balls on the line as to whether that's caused by nature or nurture though!
Given that the stats are from CollarMe, it could well just be caused by men with profiles claiming to be fem subs
"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde

21 Feb 08, 7:47 PM
scott_s
UK(N), 3 yrs

IndelibleMarker wrote:
These are really rough figures, but they are based on the number of subs, Doms, slaves and switches of each gender (Trans and couples not included) online in the last hour according to Collarme.com
very good job, IM!
Edited 21 Feb 08, 7:57 PM by scott_s

21 Feb 08, 7:53 PM
grrraz
UK(S), 3 yrs
Here's my stab at a theory.
If everybody was nurtured without gender, there'd be equal amounts of dominants and submissives. The reason for less female dominants could be because of how non-ladylike the role is, but I also think theres another big reason - pornography.
Does anybody else think that, since pornography is aimed at men for obvious reasons, it skews everybody's vision of what BDSM is really like? I owe it a lot because if it wasn't for porn, I wouldn't have discovered BDSM so early. However, for a while I misunderstood the whole thing. Sites like www.humiliatrix.com can't be good for females... I'm not sure how many women seriously enjoy laughing at male subs' inadequacies (e.g. a small penis, failure to be an alpha male, etc.) but I doubt it's many. It's supposed to be sexy, not hilarious...
Obviously I may be wrong, but it's how I feel. Since most male subs get into the scene because of finding this type of pornography, they go onto sites like this or collarme and message the Dommes with whiney, spineless messages thinking women actually like it. Not good for anybody involved - the women, the ill-informed men or the informed men.
For the females who view this type of pornography they may dismiss it immediately because they get the wrong idea. They may have actually enjoyed real-world BDSM, but looking at pornography doesn't help them to see what's in it for them.
Anyway, that's something to think about Is anybody sympathetic to this view?

21 Feb 08, 7:58 PM
Caringuy
2 yrs
Judging by some other internet sites it seems all roads lead to London and or Midlands. N.Wales/Borders country doesn't seem to exist.

21 Feb 08, 7:58 PM
Priapuss
UK(PO), 2 yrs

Abaddon wrote:
snipped
all subs are worthless. Thats my theory

Have they been devalued on the open market? The credit crunch is really biting hard now.

Today's the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Faith is a certainty without evidence, trust is empirical.
www.GiftsLine.com - Discreet & Confidential Picture Framing with Vanilla gifts for vanilla people.

21 Feb 08, 8:05 PM
Tangible
2 yrs

Deviant_Mind wrote:
Theory: Why Dommes are scarce.
What's your theory?
Oh, the wonderful Bitchy Jones she has a lot to say about this, here:
http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/2007/09/22/you-...
and all over the rest of her site.
A lot of sense here.

21 Feb 08, 8:05 PM
Elysium
UK(EH), 3 yrs

MsKitti wrote:
If a Domme doesn't "fuck sub men" it doesn't mean it's a bad Domme?
Pure BDSM does not include penetrative sex anyway and Dommes who play on the scene have so many subs I think its' doing everyone good we don't fuck them all!

I meant from the point of view of a primary partner. A Domme by definition has a sub as a primary partner. Those that don't fuck sub men, are bad dommes in my opinion. At least for primary partner material from a sub point of view.
For me, I am mainly attracted to submissive women, therefore I want to fuck them. It stands to reason a straight domme would be attracted to submissive men and want to fuck them.
How many female submissives would view a male dom, who was their primary partner and didn't fuck them as a good dom?

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

21 Feb 08, 8:08 PM
TheMarquise
UK, 4 yrs

Deviant_Mind wrote:
Theory: Why Dommes are scarce.
Sometimes, when reading these boards I thank jebus I am a switch. Male subs seem to run around desperately, snivelingly chasing their elusive domme. I had a look through the Domme personals, both here and on collar me. They were relatively rare, a lot were unbelievably arrogant, highly guarded and cynical. Not to mention the ones that asked for tributes or wish list fulfillments.
That's not to say all the ads were like that. However, none caught my personal interest. Not to mention a tonne of posts on here have went "I don't fuck sub men. I only play with them."
I am curious what everyones theory is to why good dommes are so rare?
Is it something intrinsic to female sexuality?
Is it stereotypical gender roles in our society?
Do women secretly only want dominant men?
Do dommes have an image problem that prevents more women identifying as dommes?
Do stereotypical submissive men turn most would be dominant women off?
Are women less likely to pursue alternative sexualities?
What's your theory?
Have asked myself the same questions and still don't have a theory.

21 Feb 08, 8:13 PM
sisterhoney61
2 yrs I spend a lot of time in chat rooms (no, I have no life!) and I've seen the behavior of the male subs in the rooms. They rarely acknowledge anyone else's presence and immediately go for the Dommes. In my regular room there are three Dommes who are regulars, though W/we will get others who come in there from time to time. The male subs whine and beg and plead. Heaven help them if they should PM any of the Dommes without permission. I love it when the Dommes turn on those. When I go into a chat room I try to be polite and respectful to E/everyone there. The male subs who are regulars there are polite and respectful, but the others behave horribly and if the Dommes don't want to talk to them then they get bitchy and mean towards the Dommes. It makes me wonder if these male subs behave the same way IRL as they do in chat.
~~sisterhoney~~

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