Theory: Why Dommes are scarce. (95)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

Thu 21 Feb 08, 5:20 PM
Elysium
UK(EH), 3 yrs

Sometimes, when reading these boards I thank jebus I am a switch. Male subs seem to run around desperately, snivelingly chasing their elusive domme. I had a look through the Domme personals, both here and on collar me. They were relatively rare, a lot were unbelievably arrogant, highly guarded and cynical. Not to mention the ones that asked for tributes or wish list fulfillments.
That's not to say all the ads were like that. However, none caught my personal interest. Not to mention a tonne of posts on here have went "I don't fuck sub men. I only play with them."
I am curious what everyones theory is to why good dommes are so rare?
Is it something intrinsic to female sexuality?
Is it stereotypical gender roles in our society?
Do women secretly only want dominant men?
Do dommes have an image problem that prevents more women identifying as dommes?
Do stereotypical submissive men turn most would be dominant women off?
Are women less likely to pursue alternative sexualities?
What's your theory?
"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

21 Feb 08, 5:32 PM
MissKimberley
NL, 6 yrs

Most good Dommes are in relationships; girls like us don't stay single long nor need to, unless ofcourse they choose to be.
Also, there are just generally fewer dominant women than there are sub men. Supply and demand dictates the market so good Dommes then tend to often get tempted by going pro.
Simple economics really.
"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made." Marquis de Sade

21 Feb 08, 5:37 PM
Elysium
UK(EH), 3 yrs

MissKimberley wrote:
Most good Dommes are in relationships; girls like us don't stay single long nor need to, unless ofcourse they choose to be.
Also, there are just generally fewer dominant women than there are sub men. Supply and demand dictates the market so good Dommes then tend to often get tempted by going pro.
Simple economics really.
I understand there are fewer dominant women. I am interested in theories why that is perceived to be the case.
I personally don't think it's true. I just think the perception is good for business.

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

21 Feb 08, 5:37 PM
Abaddon
UK, 6 yrs
Y!
Deviant_Mind wrote:
Theory: Why Dommes are scarce.
Sometimes, when reading these boards I thank jebus I am a switch. Male subs seem to run around desperately, snivelingly chasing their elusive domme. I had a look through the Domme personals, both here and on collar me. They were relatively rare, a lot were unbelievably arrogant, highly guarded and cynical. Not to mention the ones that asked for tributes or wish list fulfillments.
That's not to say all the ads were like that. However, none caught my personal interest. Not to mention a tonne of posts on here have went "I don't fuck sub men. I only play with them."
I am curious what everyones theory is to why good dommes are so rare?
Is it something intrinsic to female sexuality?
Is it stereotypical gender roles in our society?
Do women secretly only want dominant men?
Do dommes have an image problem that prevents more women identifying as dommes?
Do stereotypical submissive men turn most would be dominant women off?
Are women less likely to pursue alternative sexualities?
What's your theory?
all subs are worthless. Thats my theory

if you're submissive or Dominant join this list and never be kinkless again www.masterabaddon.com/list
For although "Heaven" may be closed I am always open..... even on Christmas.

21 Feb 08, 5:57 PM
sezoswitch
UK, 2 yrs speaking from personal experience... I was a sub first, and thats mainly due to just how much in denial I was about my domme side. I would be the domiant partner in relationships because i would pick very submissive personalities to date. But i sort of had this illusion of politics and feminism behind it. and a catholic school didnt help with accepting my kinks and my dominant side.
since being with my current partner now i could fully accept the sub side of me for what it was and then i could explore the domme side guilt free. I didnt have to feel bad about it and can enjoy it all. if it wasnt for him i dont know if id have found the freedom to find my domme side and how it interweaves with my sub side too.
For me it was about finding someone to explore it with - and the power struggle of being in a switch relationship

21 Feb 08, 6:17 PM
MissKimberley
NL, 6 yrs

Deviant_Mind wrote:

MissKimberley wrote:
Most good Dommes are in relationships; girls like us don't stay single long nor need to, unless ofcourse they choose to be.
Also, there are just generally fewer dominant women than there are sub men. Supply and demand dictates the market so good Dommes then tend to often get tempted by going pro.
Simple economics really.
I understand there are fewer dominant women. I am interested in theories why that is perceived to be the case.
I personally don't think it's true. I just think the perception is good for business.

So why do you state that they are relatively rare when looking through personals if you don't think it's true?

"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made." Marquis de Sade

21 Feb 08, 6:24 PM
Elysium
UK(EH), 3 yrs

MissKimberley wrote:

Deviant_Mind wrote:

MissKimberley wrote:
Most good Dommes are in relationships; girls like us don't stay single long nor need to, unless ofcourse they choose to be.
Also, there are just generally fewer dominant women than there are sub men. Supply and demand dictates the market so good Dommes then tend to often get tempted by going pro.
Simple economics really.
I understand there are fewer dominant women. I am interested in theories why that is perceived to be the case.
I personally don't think it's true. I just think the perception is good for business.

So why do you state that they are relatively rare when looking through personals if you don't think it's true?

They are relatively rare when searching through personals.
I think dominant women exist out with the internet and the public scene.
"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

21 Feb 08, 6:28 PM
Tanos
UK(M), 12 yrs
Y!

Deviant_Mind wrote:
I think dominant women exist out with the internet and the public scene.
Female leaders exist in most societies too, but fewer than men. I don't think it's inconceivable that's it's just one of those things, like there being more tall men than tall women. It doesn't mean that there aren't tall women, just that they're rarer.
Regards,
Tanos
www.tanos.org.uk

Edited 21 Feb 08, 6:30 PM by Tanos

21 Feb 08, 6:31 PM
Elysium
UK(EH), 3 yrs

Tanos wrote:

Deviant_Mind wrote:
I think dominant women exist out with the internet and the public scene.
Female leaders exist in most societies too, but fewer than men. I don't think it's inconceivable that's it's just one of those things, like most men being taller than most women. It doesn't mean that there aren't tall women, just that they're rarer.
Regards,
Tanos

Perhaps male subs should start putting women on testosterone.

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer.

21 Feb 08, 6:35 PM
Kitti_Whitaker
3 yrs
If a Domme doesn't "fuck sub men" it doesn't mean it's a bad Domme?
Pure BDSM does not include penetrative sex anyway and Dommes who play on the scene have so many subs I think its' doing everyone good we don't fuck them all!

Deviant_Mind wrote:
Theory: Why Dommes are scarce.
Sometimes, when reading these boards I thank jebus I am a switch. Male subs seem to run around desperately, snivelingly chasing their elusive domme. I had a look through the Domme personals, both here and on collar me. They were relatively rare, a lot were unbelievably arrogant, highly guarded and cynical. Not to mention the ones that asked for tributes or wish list fulfillments.
That's not to say all the ads were like that. However, none caught my personal interest. Not to mention a tonne of posts on here have went "I don't fuck sub men. I only play with them."
I am curious what everyones theory is to why good dommes are so rare?
Is it something intrinsic to female sexuality?
Is it stereotypical gender roles in our society?
Do women secretly only want dominant men?
Do dommes have an image problem that prevents more women identifying as dommes?
Do stereotypical submissive men turn most would be dominant women off?
Are women less likely to pursue alternative sexualities?
What's your theory?

21 Feb 08, 6:36 PM
MissKimberley
NL, 6 yrs

Deviant_Mind wrote:

MissKimberley wrote:

Deviant_Mind wrote:

MissKimberley wrote:
Most good Dommes are in relationships; girls like us don't stay single long nor need to, unless ofcourse they choose to be.
Also, there are just generally fewer dominant women than there are sub men. Supply and demand dictates the market so good Dommes then tend to often get tempted by going pro.
Simple economics really.
I understand there are fewer dominant women. I am interested in theories why that is perceived to be the case.
I personally don't think it's true. I just think the perception is good for business.

So why do you state that they are relatively rare when looking through personals if you don't think it's true?

They are relatively rare when searching through personals.
I think dominant women exist out with the internet and the public scene.
Ahhh ok Yes that's very true I think. I know plenty of dominant women who do not identify as such per se. They certainly don't want to strut around in fetishwear, flog their partners, etc. Most male subs will expect this as part of the deal; so if that's not on offer, then perhaps they prefer to search for those women that will do the full monty. And perhaps there aren't enough women into fetishwear, bondage, CP etc; perhaps this is still a man's world; essentially it's still mainly men that buy porn and therefore are exposed more to kinky stuff.
Perhaps also it's a case of how women are raised and also depicted in the media. You're either a good girl (pretty, young, desirable, slim, intelligent, etc) or a bad girl (amy winehouse, britney spears). If young women are expected to look and be like the good girl we see in the media; if the focus on sexuality is only to use it as a bargaining chip in relationships; if we are still being raised with ideals of being good and nice and caring and nurturing... then it is hardly surprising few women will admit to or desire flogging hubby dearest. It's not what good girls do. It would certainly take guts to go against what society expects a good girl to be like.
Or maybe, just maybe, it's just how it is. I don't really have a theory, I don't think it's even really useful to have one as it doesn't change a thing for the male subs out there.
Edited for typos

"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made." Marquis de Sade
Edited 21 Feb 08, 6:43 PM by MissKimberley

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