Posted by melody_A
on Wed 21 Jul 04, 1:07 PM to melody_A's blog.
God, how dramatic was I yesterday?
........... and I'm prone to a little drama, anyone who knows me can vouch for that. Thanks for the emails, didn't really give you much to go on did I? I'm touched by your thoughtfulness and kindness, thank you.
Our relationship has it's up's and down's, but a big deep conversation a few nights ago revealed that Master loved me, and although he thinks he's in love with me, feels there is a barrier he can't break through to give himself to me completely.
I'm completely in love with him, never felt such a depth with anyone, so I took this as he didn't love me. Felt as if he was rejecting me - felt like my world was falling apart.
Fast forward a couple of days and all is quiet and peaceful again in the Melody Mansions. After lots of cuddling and reassurances I'm now feeling so much better. No one has ever rejected me before and what I felt was horrible. Now in hindsight he wasn't rejecting me whatsoever - he was just being honest.
Honesty? Now that's a novelty, my last big relationship wasn't big on honesty whatsoever. And my last man would have promised me the moon on a stick if I'd asked him to. But Master is different, he's honest, gentle and loving and when I ask what's going on within his heart I have to be prepared for the answer - he honest answer.
He loves me....... yes. I always knew he did.
Do I want him to love me as intensely and passionately as I love him ? .......... Yes, but he does love me, gives me whatever freedom I desire, infact would give me anything my heart desires.
I have to accept what he can give me. Is it selfish to want more?
One day I want that relationship. That perfect, romantic, deep, passionate relationship. I want 'him' to give everything of himself to me.
I want that 'him' to be Master.
Mel x
Edited Wed 21 Jul 04, 1:09 PM by melody_A
