Posted by melody_A
on Fri 7 May 04, 3:31 PM to melody_A's blog.
Not sure how long this log will stay here - I'll probably remove it, still not completely sure about posting it.
Master's in Europe (forgotten exactly where) earning pennies and I'm alone, and guess what? I've had the most fantastic news - my oldest friend is coming home. Ok home is nearly 300 miles up north but it's a damn sight nearer than she's been for years. She's coming home from the Far East. I'll tell you about T.
T and I shared a flat in Scotland for a couple of years. She's my oldest and most trusted friend - I love her. Eventually she met and married a local lad and stayed in Scotland, sort of settled down and became domesticated. I returned to the North West, we lost touch.
I should tell you all at this point that the when we were in Scotland, we were then both part of 'religious cult'. A religion both controlling and isolating. Whilst T was a model parishioner I secretly rebelled. For the best part of three years I lived a double life, a truly double life. I had two sets of friends, two social lives. I even went by two names, so terrified the elders of this cult would find out my misdemeanours. By day I would be 'doing Gods work' and by night I would be visiting the most seedy places Glasgow had to offer, and trust me - there are many. The 'relationships' I had - I'd rather forget - actually most I've managed to forget. I'd go missing for days on end, out of my mind, but I always managed to cover my tracks - hell I even had two wardrobes!
Eventually I cracked, I physically and emotionally just couldn't take it anymore. Most people couldn't have coped with the 'seedy' lifestyle I was living, never mind the 'good spiritual one' I was also living. I'd duped most of the people I knew, no that's wrong...... I'd duped EVERYONE I knew. I just got to the point I thought my head would explode. I looked at everyone and wondered why they couldn't see me for what I was - I was a fake.
After I crashed and burned - big style, T was there for me. Although still firmly one of the God Squad, she never judged or criticised me whatsoever. We lost touch when I left the religion - T didn't.
Actually I didn't mean to tell you so much. It goes a long way in explaining just who I ended up being.
Maybe I'll finish the story in my next log.
Feeling really strange and anxious suddenly. Memories I suppose.
Mel
Edited Fri 7 May 04, 4:41 PM by melody_A
