Dominance (14)

dominance

someone memoed me and told me i should learn to be a Domme.

now come on....surely and yes in MY way of thinking Dominance is something you just "ARE"

i personally dont believe (yes thats right personally) Dominance is something you learn.

im a firm believer it is something you are or not.

its a natural state, its a something about you that shines.

im not talking throwing a flogger about or screaming "kneel"

im meaning Dominance within a natural state.

we all have a Dominant part within. some it shows in work , in parenting or controling crappy situations...but that again inst quite what im mean.

to me you are Dominant its not a skill you learn.

confidence is a skill you learn,

ability is a skill you improve on.

but dominance just is, Dominance.

yes its intracate and crosses over levels and double backs and contradicts itself, but thats within anything surely.

its just from my perspective as a submissive (who had Dominant parts of her mind ) i just cant see how you "learn 2 to be Dominant

"Broken...i can't feel you , when you go away"
deeper than your average puddle

Perhaps you can learn to be a 'domme' as far as a visual aspect is concerned, many fems and males look the part but are always found wanting and mainly because they misinterpret their wants into it.

It's quite disheartening when you meet someone and you discover they are just pleasers rather than Dominant, then again all of us have a perception of what Dominance is and which area we are looking for.

**She who rides the Demon is afraid to dismount**
***For your information Psychos do NOT explode when sunlight hits them***

A lot of our personalities are learnt. Imprinting, observational and other associative learning lead to how we relate to ourselves and others. So in that sense yes we do learn dominance.

Although I don't dwell too seriously on these subjects myself. I just enjoy sharing time with others and having fun.

Yet if you play those games do you become what you pretend to be? I would say hardly, if at all. You've got to WANT to be dom before you really are dom, and while I suspect people can - as they grow in experience and change - discover a desire to control and master that they didn't realize was in them before, I'm not sure if this is "learned" rather than just "discovered in one's self".

Toak

FEMALE, BONDAGE-FRIENDLY MODEL SOUGHT. I am seeking to update my "How To" shibari bondage pictures (see my profile pics, the clothed blonde tied in red and black) with a model more "enthusiastic" about BDSM, and who is happy to be photographed nude. MEMO ME if this is you.

Some subs have to learn to allow their submission to flourish, to be trained if you will, why can the same not apply to dominance?

I think I saw a puddytat

I'd agree with that statement, it pretty much sums it up perfectly.

I don't subscribe to the theory that we just are Dominant or submissive, we all find what works best for us through a combination of experience and experimenting. We may have preconceived ideas of the role we think best suits us but that can change over time. Some of us start of as Dominant and find were actually submissive, and vice versa of course. I think it's best to be open minded and to explore things as much as possible. Eventually we all find a role that we feel comfortable in, the important thing is to be able to express yourself as much as possible.

Once it was just innocence, brash ideas and insolence, but you will never get away with the things you say today

best to all,

BeLuS

So to me being dominant means being able to decide when and where I express that side of me and on what terms. Some people just don't deserve it :D

I respect your view but for me (and this is just my view) that makes about as much sense as saying you don't learn how to be a parent you just are. I'm sure many people have become parents and have learned a great deal from their own experiences, from reading and from the experiences of others. For me being a Domme or sub is a journey not a destination. In addition to that some 'straight' people later experiment with being gay or bi so they learn new things too

Best wishes

My angel has me flying without wings
A sub's trust is a valuable thing
Live love laugh dance

Was he by any chance a hopeful sub?

I have met more than one sub man from IC (sometimes posing as a Dom) who has suggested I should be a Domme not a sub, even though my profile says I don't switch.

I can actually do the Domme thing, but it does less than nothing for me, and therefore I don't do it. Subbing is completely me, where my head and heart are and feels the most natural thing in the world.

Its something inherent - just the same as someone who is submissive, it cannot be enforced. It is a natural longing, an emotional need, a skill, something incredibly bloody sexy too (from a subbie view of course)