Posted by melody_A
on Fri 21 Nov 03, 7:20 PM to melody_A's blog.
Packing and sorting out my old life is making me reflect. I am moving to live with my Master permanently and I'm so excited I can't tell you, yet parts of me have really strong twinges of sadness. The type of twinge that kicks you right in the stomach and makes you feel sick.
Packing and sorting out my stuff last week I came across my wedding album. I spent a while looking at it, how young and happy we looked. One picture of us looking into each other's eyes made me cry, we where so happy then. Now don't get me wrong I ended the marriage and never in a month of Sunday's would I ever go back to be with my ex, but it made me incredibly sad. This week we had a final court hearing about our assets, afterwards we went out for a meal – that made me sad also. It will probably be the last time ever we go out as a family unit this way, we took our daughter, how civilised.
Now as I pack to move forward, I have things from my old life that don't belong with my new life. For one, what do I do with my wedding album and all the bits us girlies save from our weddings? My grandmother said she would store it in her house as it would be inappropriate to take it with me, but that just doesn't feel right. I don't know what to do with this stuff. Shall I leave it with my old life up north? Or do I take it as part of what made me what I am today?
Feeling really fragile at the moment, the last massive decision I made ended up in the County Courts this week. So naturally I have fears and worries about this big decision, it feels right now – but then it felt right eight years ago when I was saying 'I do'.
Don't know how to conclude this log, it doesn't draw to a natural end – well I suppose that's the whole point of logs, they capture you in that moment in time.
I have a bottle of red waiting to be opened, maybe after a glass or two things will become clearer.
mel x
Edited Fri 21 Nov 03, 7:23 PM by melody_A
