Posted by melody_A
on Tue 4 Nov 03, 9:15 PM to melody_A's blog.
Been reading with interest the BDSM v monogamy discussion wanton started.
I have to admit I'm not too sure how I feel. I am relatively new to all this, this is my first 'serious' relationship so it's never really come up before. As I've mentioned before I am certainly bi-curious and want to explore that side of me, but I've never seriously thought about 'playing' with another Dom. Maybe because it's new and exciting I simply don't want to, given time I may feel differently. – I don't know
Whilst married I was unfaithful, that wasn't the reason we split up, but my ex found out twelve months after we split up. At the time it destroyed him. He was no angel during our marriage and he can still be an utter bastard even now when he wants to be, but I never thought I could hurt someone so much or so deep. Even after all this time he still gives me abuse about my affair, and what is worse I still take it. I still take it because I constantly feel guilty about it. It doesn't seem to matter he abused me, destroyed my confidence, lied and stole the whole time we where together, but because I did this one thing to him which, in his eyes, is bigger than all the other stuff, he thinks I should still suffer.
All that is ancient history now, although I would be grateful if someone tried telling that to my ex, and the reason that I talk about it now is because of this whole BDSM/monogamy thing. I would never ever cheat again, I can say that with absolute conviction. However I have an inquisitive mind and I am sure would want to experience others in the future. If or when this time comes does it mean I love my Master less? Alternatively if my Master wanted to take another, does it mean he loves me any less? Would it be selfish of me to object or complain, knowing that sometime in the future I would like the same in return? I want to make him happy and really want to do everything in my power to make this so, but how would I feel if he forbid me to ever go with another again?
Reading words from those of you more experienced in our community, it seems the only way you can deal with the whole BDSM v monogamy thing is to communicate. If jealousy and insecurity creep in then you could ruin your beautiful relationship for not a lot.
If the above doesn't really make sense, apologies. I'm typing as I'm sorting my own thoughts out. Whilst I'd like the fun and excitement of inviting others into our relationship, I want to feel secure, adored and cherished by my Master. Can you really do the two without anyone getting hurt? Can you really have your cake and eat it? I'd love to see others thoughts on this most interesting subject.
…… and if you're not confused now, you bloody well
should be! 
mel x
Edited Tue 4 Nov 03, 9:18 PM by melody_A
