Posted by melody_A
on Wed 17 Sep 03, 8:20 PM to melody_A's blog.
When I was last staying with 'A', he showed me some S/M porn (is it called porn when is S/M?) both pictures and a few films. If I'm honest it knocked my confidence a bit. 'A' loves caning and whipping, he loves welts that last and last, that can be played with, felt and enjoyed for days afterwards.
Well…………I thought he was always satisfied with the level of pain I could take and the marks it left, but seeing the pictures and films I am afraid of not being good enough now. I spoke to him about this and he assures me that he is impressed with my deep submission and nothing else matters, he tells me it he would rather have complete submission, albeit with me struggling at times than someone who just took immense beatings with no submission. Now I'm new to all this ('obviously so', I can hear you all say!) but now seeing these people on the film and the welts on some pictures he has I feel my confidence knocked. I know it's crazy because I can quite happily watch 'vanilla' porn and not worry that I am not a six foot Amazon like woman with silicone boobs, who's hair and make up stay perfect – I know its not real life. So why do I worry about this?
Oh ignore me, feeling hormonal, tired and missing A. Will be okay later when A tells me how fantastic I am.
melody x
Edited Wed 17 Sep 03, 8:33 PM by melody_A
