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IC : Weblogs : morphia : "Is it 'cause i is Welsh!!!"
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Is it 'cause i is Welsh!!! (22)
morphia's profile . morphia's homepage
Posted by morphia on Mon 11 Feb 08, 9:44 AM
.... or just 'cause i is a perve?
I got stopped by the police on Saturday afternoon, as i was about to walk into Fulham Broadway station, to take a tube 'up norfff' (Well stamford hill anyway to do some filming.)
They requested to search me and my rucksack, under some anti terrorism law. apparently they were doing spot checks due to the 'sensitive area'
'of course mrs police officer' says I, not a problem.
( FPO= Female Police officer, M= Morphia, J= joanie, MPO= male police officer)
FPO: Are you carrying anything you shouldn't be?
M: Define something i shouldn't be carrying please.
FPO: Something that could be used to harm or injure someone
M: Well i've got a box of scalples in there, but they are in a sealed box, and a small knife in a sealed box, and some surgical kit, oh and 300 hypodermic needles, and a skin stapler.
FPO (looking suprised): Can i ask why you are carrying these things?
M: I'm a performace artist and i'm off to do a show tonight and some filming. We are doing a spoof medical operation. these are props.( almost said i'm a pervert)
Joanie, in the meantime is asking the MPO why i've been stopped? Points out (unhelpfully) i don't have a beard and i don't look like a terrorist. 
FPO checks inside rucksack and pulls out medical kit sontaining forceps, tweesers, clamps etc.
FPO: what is this please?
M: it's an antique medical field kit. was used in the army for minor operations. Going to use it in my show.
FPO checks rest of rucksack.
FPO: And why are you carrying a whip. Is this part of the performance too?
M: Oh yeah, it's to hang in the background, make the scene look more sinister.
FPO ( seeming unconvinced): so why do you need scaples for this filming?
M: to cut through the prosthectic skin and into the blood packs. We've tried other stuff, but you just don't get the same effect. it looks false. you need the bloodflow to look natural.
MPO: I don't like blood. Makes me feel faint.
M: well it's only fake blood and there isn't much of it. couple of 100 mls maybe.
Racksack gets re-packed very quickly, my name and address is taken, except i have trouble remembering my new address. i'm given copy of the paperwork and bid goodbye.
Only then realised that if she saw my whips, she must have also seem the 20ml ear syringe, my strap-on harness and a 9" black rubber cock too.
go and check the timetables for the tube, turn around and both officers have gone. Poor sods must have thought they got a right nutter there. Still must have broken the boredom a bit.
checking through the paperwork on the tube, realise they haven't actually completed the section about ' further action' ( ie. caution, arrest, no further action etc) and have left the section blank.
Must inform my landlady we may be under surveilance and not to have anyone to the house with a beard.
Morphia Bin Larden 
Edited for awful spelling
Edited Mon 11 Feb 08, 9:54 AM by morphia
Replies
11 Feb 08, 10:19 AM
Slave2shave
20 mths |
morphia wrote:
.... or just 'cause i is a perve?
I got stopped by the police on Saturday afternoon, as i was about to walk into Fulham Broadway station, to take a tube 'up norfff' (Well stamford hill anyway to do some filming.)
They requested to search me and my rucksack, under some anti terrorism law. apparently they were doing spot checks due to the 'sensitive area'
'of course mrs police officer' says I, not a problem.
( FPO= Female Police officer, M= Morphia, J= joanie, MPO= male police officer)
FPO: Are you carrying anything you shouldn't be?
M: Define something i shouldn't be carrying please.
FPO: Something that could be used to harm or injure someone
M: Well i've got a box of scalples in there, but they are in a sealed box, and a small knife in a sealed box, and some surgical kit, oh and 300 hypodermic needles, and a skin stapler.
FPO (looking suprised): Can i ask why you are carrying these things?
M: I'm a performace artist and i'm off to do a show tonight and some filming. We are doing a spoof medical operation. these are props.( almost said i'm a pervert)
Joanie, in the meantime is asking the MPO why i've been stopped? Points out (unhelpfully) i don't have a beard and i don't look like a terrorist.
FPO checks inside rucksack and pulls out medical kit sontaining forceps, tweesers, clamps etc.
FPO: what is this please?
M: it's an antique medical field kit. was used in the army for minor operations. Going to use it in my show.
FPO checks rest of rucksack.
FPO: And why are you carrying a whip. Is this part of the performance too?
M: Oh yeah, it's to hang in the background, make the scene look more sinister.
FPO ( seeming unconvinced): so why do you need scaples for this filming?
M: to cut through the prosthectic skin and into the blood packs. We've tried other stuff, but you just don't get the same effect. it looks false. you need the bloodflow to look natural.
MPO: I don't like blood. Makes me feel faint.
M: well it's only fake blood and there isn't much of it. couple of 100 mls maybe.
Racksack gets re-packed very quickly, my name and address is taken, except i have trouble remembering my new address. i'm given copy of the paperwork and bid goodbye.
Only then realised that if she saw my whips, she must have also seem the 20ml ear syringe, my strap-on harness and a 9" black rubber cock too.
go and check the timetables for the tube, turn around and both officers have gone. Poor sods must have thought they got a right nutter there. Still must have broken the boredom a bit.
checking through the paperwork on the tube, realise they haven't actually completed the section about ' further action' ( ie. caution, arrest, no further action etc) and have left the section blank.
Must inform my landlady we may be under surveilance and not to have anyone to the house with a beard.
Morphia Bin Larden
Edited for awful spelling
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Wow, what an exprience, you should of been carrying your magic wand equipment !
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11 Feb 08, 10:22 AM
Forsaken1
UK(B), 3 yrs
£
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Slave2shave wrote:
Wow, what an exprience, you should of been carrying your magic wand equipment !
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you calling our Morphia a fairy??   her that is lower than earthworm jim in a leopard print leotard, My submistically challenged super slippery when wet slug-muffin!!
www.forsaken1.com/
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11 Feb 08, 10:26 AM
Mistress_Amethyst
UK(CR), 2 yrs
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Well Morphia Bin Larden,
perhaps they have taken your name and address so they can join in next time,
giggles must have been the strap-on
have you turned them into pervs now?
xjx If you don't like me it's your fault~~
Edited 11 Feb 08, 10:27 AM by Mistress_Amethyst
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11 Feb 08, 10:31 AM
morphia
UK, 7 yrs
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Slave2shave wrote:
Wow, what an exprience, you should of been carrying your magic wand equipment !
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I thought it was hysterical actually
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid sideways through the door, thoroughly used, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming..... 'Wow, what a Trip'
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11 Feb 08, 10:41 AM
angeldustx
UK, 2 yrs
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that is class, though at the time i bet it wasnt!! sorry Morphia had to chuckle at this! xxxxxxxxxx no labels, no gimmicks, does EXACTLY what it says on the tin, nothing....just ME!
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
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11 Feb 08, 10:47 AM
Ms_Deviatrix
UK(ME), 3 yrs
Y!
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have you looked closely at the paper she gave you. Not a hidden phone number there by any chance? lol It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because you don't matter
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11 Feb 08, 11:40 AM
morphia
UK, 7 yrs
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Ms_Deviatrix wrote:
have you looked closely at the paper she gave you. Not a hidden phone number there by any chance? lol
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not even her name sadly  just her officer / warrent card number or something.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid sideways through the door, thoroughly used, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming..... 'Wow, what a Trip'
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11 Feb 08, 11:43 AM
Priapuss
UK(PO), 17 mths
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Shame you couldn't give a very Welsh address.
A copper stopped me a while back and couldn't spell Peugeot without going to the back of the car to copy it done on the pretext of 'checking' the rear lights.
You would have been done for if you'd have make up, wig and a beard for your 'act'.
That's stuffed up your trip to shake hands with the new President. Today's the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Faith is a certainty without evidence, trust is empirical.
www.GiftsLine.com - Discreet & Confidential Picture Framing with Vanilla gifts for vanilla people.
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11 Feb 08, 11:50 AM
Sirebel
UK(N), 24 mths
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morphia wrote:
Ms_Deviatrix wrote:
have you looked closely at the paper she gave you. Not a hidden phone number there by any chance? lol
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not even her name sadly just her officer / warrent card number or something.
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Memo me the warrent card number if you want a name Ad Quod Damnum
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11 Feb 08, 11:56 AM
Sandie_X
UK, 3 yrs
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I love it - especially 'spot checks in a sensitive area!' oh yer missus!
Sandie X "come and suck on mummy's cock !"
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