This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 24 Jan 08, 8:15 AM Valkyre UK(BS), 8 yrs   |
I could never live without S/M. I found that I need it too much. Vanilla people can never understand that growing need, that urge to hurt/be hurt... without regular play I am one very grumpy woman and not nice at all. Sometimes you need several relationships till you realise what you need/want and what you are willing to give and compromise on. I'm fairly evenly balanced between being top and bottom and finding a partner that satisfied both parts of me was pure luck.
Women should always let men have the last words in an argument... "Yes Ma'am." | |
| 24 Jan 08, 10:00 AM Hermaphroditus 9 yrs |
I think that if a relationship with a BDSM element is what you want then you should not give up looking for it. On vanilla dating sites, single women looking for relationships are just as overwhelmed with messages from guys looking for something more casual. Unfortunately that is the nature of the 'net (although there are also some great guys online and some great relationships that come of online meetings). I like the net, but the number of people you'd actually want to meet is pretty slim; I think that's a given. This can be very frustrating if you are actively looking for someone to enter your life in a serious way. A possible solution would be to focus less on the internet and more on socialising in kink-friendly circumstances. Make more kinky friends. Even with people you have no romantic interest in. Friends are not only valuable in themselves, they are also good for introducing you to other people, who you might connect with on a romantic level. In answer to your question, I personally have had periods where I didn't do BDSM and didn't miss it. The urge comes and goes for me. I would be less likely to rate kink as an important trait in a partner than perhaps many people here, but if it is important to you then I don't think you should compromise.
| |
| 30 Jan 08, 9:25 PM I_am_slave UK(HA), 5 yrs |
I don't spend much time on IC anymore because I've had enough of sending memos to Dommes who never reply, but I've had a look at your profile and you sound like someone who I could have some fun with. Have a look at my profile and send me a memo if you're interested. Please don't be fooled by my member name. Although I'm advertising myself as a houseboy on my profile that isn't set in stone. First and foremost I'm looking for people I can have some mutual fun with, which may or may not involve me being a houseboy. Make my fantasy reality | |
| 30 Jan 08, 10:19 PM Nekkii UK(S), 6 yrs |
I suppose I'd never really believed I could find what I was after, so in some ways I'd =always= given up to some extent. Then I found exactly what I was after... but now that's gone - I'm left so hugely addicted to it, the thought of giving up on it is just impossible. I do feel at least I know exactly what I want now!
Although the addiction and sometimes the depressing feeling I'll never find it again does drive me so bonkers so I have jokingly considered castration recently. | |
| 30 Jan 08, 10:59 PM DeeSobek 4 yrs |
I prefer Chocolate myself ....  Seriously though, no, I've only just begun ~~~ delightful are the ties that bind ~~~ +++ may you live in interesting times +++ | |
| 30 Jan 08, 11:09 PM littlepussy1968 UK, 4 yrs |
Oh I can most certainly sympathise....so true that most do not even look at my profile..they read the word 'sub' and write their own script! Some dont even get that far...hence receiving tons of memos from male subs...
.....and if one more married man sends me memos with 'discreet'and 'can travel' ......oh please!!!!!its enough to turn me Domme...and that would take some doing!!!
| |
| 31 Jan 08, 8:46 AM Morticia UK, 10 yrs |
Nothing new here then! The BDSM element is generally part of a person,rather than defining who they are.It's best to keep options open. In my last relationship,he was a vanilla just waiting to be corrupted.It was our other interests that cemented the relationship,not the kinky stuff. Looking on the net for relationships os difficult,as many use it for fantasy.Having watched a programme on 2nd life,I see how fantasy is so much better than the real thing for many. Best of luck for something new and delicious. "What may be seen by one,may often be dark or obscure to another." | |
| 31 Jan 08, 8:51 AM Bloody_ICE UK, 4 yrs |
I admit this is fantasy to me. That is why I love it. But saying that I am open to the possibilities of a relationship. Although she would have to be a special type of woman. Way I see it, don't take it too seriously. If it happens it happens until then just enjoy it for what it is. Give me room to breathe. | |
| 31 Jan 08, 9:22 AM JustBecky 5 yrs |
I have also considered giving it all up and going vanilla... I decided that vanilla relationships are somewhat attractive once I've been on my own for a while... To be honest, I know that I really couldnt cope in a vanilla relationship now I've tried bits and bobs and had what I want... Frustrating... Oh well.. Becky xxx | |
| 31 Jan 08, 9:50 AM Trilux UK, 4 yrs |
Hardly surprising. Once singletons of both sexes reach a certain age (it tends to kick in around your late-30s) they find it progressively harder to find someone who doesn't have heavy "baggage" and/or something seriously wrong with them. And that's if all you're looking for is an LTR that's purely vanilla and both partners have the same values, interests, education and aspirations etc. Throw in the bdsm factor and the chances of finding a long-term partner (which is what most people really want) diminish significantly. Still, nobody ever said it was easy. All you can do is keep on trying. Persistence is the key. |
Because I don't see how it's ever =not= going to be the 'thing' that turns me on, since I never chose to be this way, it's just been with me all my life.