Posted by x_Lexie_x on Fri 11 Jan 08, 3:41 PM to x_Lexie_x's blog.
A year ago today I was collared by my first Dom.. I'd been with him for a year and it just seemed so right...
We spent a fair bit of time discussing it and how things would change and I felt so ready for that transition.
I met him that night and felt at ease and at home when he placed my collar around my neck... But it wasn't meant to be.
Six weeks later my world came crashing down around me... He had lied to me from the start of our relationship and I was too blind to see it... It was over.
But as much as it hurt I realised that I needed to pick myself up and brush myself down... I dragged my sister out to a munch that same week, and then to the LAM that weekend and another munch the following week... And I'm so glad that I did... I met a man who was later to become my next Dom...
So since early last year I have been out and about (scene related) more than I did in that year I was with my first Dom... I've been to a few clubs, LAM, knife demo & munches... I have made plenty of friends and even went to the Midlands to visit one very dear friend... I have also now set up my own munch, which is rather small at the moment but we've only had two so far but I have so many plans and ideas for it..
I have learnt so much about myself too... I've experienced more play wise in that year and I'm ready for more...
Unfortunately things with my new Dom didn't quite work out but I hold him very close to my heart and we are still friends, in fact more than just friends... So much so that we will still play together.
I've also found that I have a sadistic dominant side and am currently exploring that with a male submissive (though he himself is exploring things as he was Dom before that) and I think if I'm to be honest I am more Domme than sub.. I've only ever known a submissive role and I guess that's what I thought was right for me. I was talking with a Dom friend on messenger last night and he said that he's only ever viewed me as Domme, right back to when we first met last year... He said that although I'm actually now looking for another Dom he doesn't think being submissive is me and after some serious thought I think he is actually right... I am a sexual masochist but do struggle with servitude... So if I am to label myself I think dominant with masochistic tendencies fits me.
So, one year on and I think I'm finally understanding where this journey is taking me... I have no regrets with my time with my first Dom; he actually taught me a lot...
To my friends, thank you... Some of you have been a God send to me...
So... let's see what this year has in store for me.
| 11 Jan 08, 3:58 PM Mirius UK(GU), 5 yrs |
<hugs> Don't get too hung up on labels, but I think it is time for you to explore your Domme side more. Submission holds issues for you, but we both know that you do have a submissive side and that you enjoy it. Have fun and I'm glad that you've come to terms with things. My winter storm. Holding me awake. It's never gone. When I walk alone |
| 11 Jan 08, 4:34 PM Blue_Toes 7 yrs  |
Congratulations Lexie lou,
it seems you're finding your groove too, there's quite a lot of it about not afraid to die, not afraid to live, and when I'm flat on my back I'd hope to feel like I did! |
| 11 Jan 08, 4:41 PM GeeeGeee UK, 5 yrs |
Things change. I know the way I view you certainly has. xxx What is food to one is to others bitter poison. |
| 11 Jan 08, 5:18 PM HobGothlin 5 yrs |
I have to be honest and say this blog turned out totally different to what I thought it was going to be. I was gobsmacked really and also very proud of You for doing such a well written, reflective yet meaningful and above all - a very positive blog. It's been a journey of twists and turns for You over the last year and though there has been times of pain and indecision You've now realised how far You've actually come, and more importantly grown.
You're such a wonderful, articulate and level headed person I'm sure that a fab year is ahead of You with even more discoveries and fun! x
2008, the Chinese year of the hobbit..... allegedly ! |
