Posted by humanchimp
on Sun 30 Dec 07, 6:07 PM to humanchimp's blog.
You've got pink hair, I stole mine from a pikey.
You're looking fashionable, my jeans have seen better days.
You're chewing gum, I'm down to my last cigarette.
What? Did I hear you right? You want me to go back to yours?
Oh, you're having a mini party, other people are invited.
Why? What can they bring to the gathering that I can't? Well, apart from manners, social grace and an ability to think before speaking but come on… Thinking is so last season.
I'll hide my sunken hopes and broken dreams and pretend for you that I'm okay with this whole situation…
I'll just sit in the corner and smile politely at the people who I never wanted to meet but am quickly starting to hate. It seems their sole goal in life is to be a human barrier between me, you and me somehow getting your knickers off.
Surely they can fuck off and protect some trees or dying kittens for a couple of hours.
Look I'd romance and wine and dine you but I'm only back home for a few days. Time is of the essence and this is quickly becoming a matter of life and death…
Sorry, say that again?
Yeah, I'll come back. I just thought you were asking me back because you liked…
Oh you do. That's, just, well… Just, well.
I'll get the vodka; you sort out the taxis. Six seater to Tunstall!
Yeah, I'll pay… Did I ever tell you I work in the media?
Yeah, it does sound boring and pretentious.
Nice flat, whose this guy?
You never told me you had a boyfriend.
He doesn't mind me fucking you?
You and your friends all like fucking each other?
Even the ugly girl over there?
Fucking hell, you lot are pretty forgiving.
Or do you supply blindfolds?
Masks?
I'll shut up.
She grabs my hand and takes me towards her bedroom.
Is she the sexual predator or am I? Who stalked who? And are you really a predator if the other person is up for it?
I mean would you call a tiger a predator if the antelope just jumped into their mouths?
You don't call a rabbit a grass predator.
Maybe we're both just sluts.
So we go into her bedroom, for a moment I wonder whether she is the sort who likes to go under the covers or on top, does the spontaneity die if you have to pull the sheets back?
Then I remember that she fucks anything that moves, I don't think sheets will be an issue.
She has a dimmer switch! Wow, we can do proper moody orgy lighting.
Why am I impressed by a dimmer switch?
She pushes me on the bed and tries to unbuckle my jeans but the buttons are weird and I end up doing it myself. My erection basically bursts through my pants and I'm sure this is the standard signifier for “It's been a very, very long time since I had sex, I'll try to last longer than a minute”.
Hold, I went with that girl I met at 93 feet east, she was cute, why didn't she ring back?
Maybe I have the essence of someone who enjoys dogging or I'm just not long term boyfriend material.
So, we're doing it. It's fast and slippy and the sheets clinging to my wet back as she pushes her pussy into my face. I grab her by the hips and pull her towards me when…
Her boyfriend walks in with some blonde dude. He's naked and tanned and toned and everything I'm not. He also starts getting his cocked sucked by the blonde dude, which I'm not.
Please remain in your seats.
We've just hit turbulence.
The boyfriends about 30, the blonde dude much younger, maybe 21. I'm middle of the road. And slightly intimidated, I'm not one who gets off on exhibitionism.
I try to focus on the girlfriend but it's hard to concentrate when some buff daddy is sitting on the bed next to you, violating you with his eyes whilst pushing the blonde haired mop down into his groan.
I turn away and try to fill my line of sight with the girl friends breasts but I can hear the mop gagging and the daddy groaning. My erection is getting a taxi home. It's not waiting for me to get my coat.
She goes to move to my groin but in desperation I push my face and tongue deeper into her whilst secretly slapping my dick and silently begging it to come back.
I look up and the ugly girl is about 12 foot tall, looming over me.
Is there an orgy etiquette?
Can you say no? Can you say please “don't try and have sex with me because my only line of defence is tears and I look ugly when I cry?”
Can you pick and choose or do you just have to accept that if you turn up at an orgy (even unknowingly) then you're fair game for every vulture and albatross that comes circling.
She sticks her tongue down my throat and I'm choking on that and the other girls juices.
I want to crash this fucking plane.
I close my eyes and click my heels but I left my magic red shoes at home and all I want to do is run, I don't care that we're three floors up. I'll go out of the window.
The ugly girl sits on my face… Not even a please. The girlfriend, the pretty little girlfriend who I thought could be the one but has now lured me into a very personal hell, is down by my cock.
All I wanted was one night of romance with some pretty little skater girl with her lip piercing and cool clothes.
I didn't want this.
Another hand touches my hair, I manage to move my neck without breaking it and now see the boyfriend looming over, he's at least twenty foot and my systems have shut down.
If you could put a microphone in my head all you'd get is a long, never ending beep with the occasionally tannoy announcement of…
“Oh fuck! I'm going to die!”
I need a way out…
Edited Sun 30 Dec 07, 6:19 PM by humanchimp
| 30 Dec 07, 7:10 PM Forsaken1 UK, 7 yrs  |
funny thing, coz I know yer, its plausible that it did happen! PMSL Nice one chimpy, hope you escaped UNHARMED *coffs* Damien "Tell you what, I'll torture you for a few unbelievably long hours, and you can tell me if this is the lifestyle for you!" ((Angel)) |
| 31 Dec 07, 4:24 AM humanchimp 7 yrs |
IT actually did. trust me, the night actually gets weirder. I still want my rock stars dead |
| 31 Dec 07, 2:04 PM ThedaVamp UK, 6 yrs |
Reading this makes me think I'm experiencing a flashback... *shudder* Please check your irony levels before attempting to respond to the majority of my posts. |
