Submissive sexualising a break-up? (43)

Breaks up are hard. I was dumped a few months ago--well sort of. He wanted the sexual stuff without the intense ownership responsibilities. So I split...from San Francisco to NYC rather than pine and/or remain in something that was half-hearted and selfish on his end. I wanted full love, complete love, and respect for my devotion, energy and self.

He became again rather interested once I was far away but then again I have a hot new roomate who happens to be a previous sub of his (she and I became friends). Coincidence, his interest? Doubt it. Once it became clear that there was no threesome stuff in his future his interest waned remarkably and his emotional support!!!

I was devastated for a second time.

There IS better out there. It is called having your feelings reciprocated. Aren't you worth that? I think I am. I don't have a new lover but I have been hit on countless times by financially well-off men to be their submissive slut/slave. Some of them are rather cute even. But I want more. I want a real relationship and not someone pretending to be my Dom so he can get hot sex and threesomes. I want to be loved and I want committment and I believe it is out there and even for a former slave like me.

Remy_B wrote: Thanks so much toesuckasub - you definitely seem to be of an almost identical mindset to me and everything you say is simply frighteningly familiar to me. I identify with every word you post!

It's also a relief to me to read your words. I felt like I was the only one who ever felt that way. Even in the bdsm community this emotional masochism seems rare.

Despite a few days of real strength after I posted this thread, I have been lapsing somewhat mentally the past few days. I've not so much been 'having' the fantasies though, more like a part of me think's it's actually a logical good idea (to my hurt side & to my submissive lusting side) to go through with re-initiating things. Even if it's "just to see what happens".

It's up to you. You never know. I'm not going to say "stay away from her" because you never know what might happen. But I don't want to get your hopes up either.

In the end only you can make that decision. A 'make or break' move might be just what you need for closure. But be careful not to turn obsessive or stalker-ish. There have been times when I've worried myself by getting dangerously close to behaving in a quite dodgy fashion.

Mind you, that was in a vanilla situation.

Do what you have to do. Even if it's foolish - that folly might be just what you need to snap you out of it.

This is because I keep getting the depressing feeling that I can never find anything as 'good' as this relationship was again. I know exactly how rare a woman like this is, how lucky I was to find her, and how unlikely someone like her is to ever want me! Whether this is a realistic thought or not I have to admit I don't really know. But it's this thought that I could never find anyone who I could love so much (I did some =extreme= great things that I would never have considered myself capable of before!), or I could ever be that submissive to again (due to the sheer physical attraction level, mainly!). She once said herself to me after the breakup "have I set the bar that high?" and it feels like to me, yes she has - and this feels very damaging to my psyche To analogise it almost feels like I'm asking lightning to strike the same spot twice.

I'm really jealous of what you had. I've never been in a relationship with a domme - and have never yet subbed to someone that I clicked with properly (although there is someone I suspect I could click with extremely well but we've not done anything about it as yet).

When I find myself in that situation - well I can hardly imagine what I'd be like if it ever ended. A couple of years down the line I might be in your position and writing what you're writing.

hmmm... careful not to act in a way that might annoy her. This talk of 'following her around' sounds a little worrying to me.

That sounds like a better way to think about it.

The one place where my fantasies really are actually 'better' than even her is in my own imagination though. So I've been going to that 'well' to stop myself getting hung up on the "I've got nothing" feeling. I realise that I may well just be choosing between fantasies anyway.. but there is that nagging part of me that wants to know for sure. :-/ I almost feel like I have to prove to myself that it IS just a fantasy to move on. Of course, if it is, this will involve getting her so offended & annoyed with me that I have no doubts about it. This also does not seem very healthy. But actually oddly, I've been in a very similar situation before in my youth (although it was a vanilla romance) with a girl that was going out with someone else, but used to have repeated dalliances with me (which very nasty emotionally for me as I'd never had any contact with a girl before!). The only way I really got over it was to push her to the point where she didn't want to have anything to do with me.

It sounds like everything I've said is something you realise anyway.

I have no solid advice to give I'm afraid. All I can say is that I wish you all the best and I hope you get to that place of closure and healing very quickly. I also hope that you find someone else who is every bit as fantastic as she sounds.

And I hope I find someone like that too

"I can't conceal the way I'm healed, the pleasure I feel when I have to deal with the mercy in you" Depeche Mode 'Mercy in you'

Sorry for some reason I didn't see them for days now - I'd been on but somehow didn't see the updates, but I really wanted to say thank you.

I'm definitely in a more in the 'positive' slant right now. But I know I am one bad night away from the other side of things...

So we'll just have to see.

One thing's for sure, it's been a very confusing yet also enlightening relationship & breakup... and it's still pretty confusing how things are now, but I'm coming to terms with that a lot more, as well as my possible eventual options.