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Posted by Switchy_arry
on Wed 26 Dec 07, 8:40 PM to Switchy_arry's blog.
The marks on my backside have finally been decoded, thanks to the Department of Ancient History at the University of Cleckheaton. It appears they form one of the missing books of the Bible! A transcription from the original Ugaritic appears below.
The Book of arry, Chapter 1
1. It being the sabbath eve, arry did go unto the Temple of Ne-me-sis
2. And behold! in the Temple was a throne
3. And the name of Her who sat upon the throne was Mummy Christmas, and a Pixie did follow with her
4. Then spake Mummy Christmas unto arry Because thou hast been a tart surely I shall smite thee
5. With the bat whereby is played the game of Ping and Pong.
6. Therefore present thou me thine arse that I may strike thereon.
7. And arry did as he was bidden
8. When lo! the bat was rent asunder.
9. Then waxed arry full of mirth, and quoth he
10.Surely mine arse hath broke thy bat, ho ho.
Chapter 2
1. And there was in the Temple the Lady Dark-Love
2. Who saith unto Mummy Christmas, Surely thou shalt borrow of me the cane that is called Drag-on
3. For it is the rod that breaketh not
4. And it shall wipe the smile off that tart's countenance.
5. So Mummy Christmas haleth arry unto the bench of Span- King
6. And she smiteth him six mighty blows
7. And arry seeth all stars, even unto the furthest constellations.
8. The six being over, Mummy Christmas saith unto the crowd
9. Shall I release arry, or would you that I smite him yet?
10.And they answered Smite him, for he hath more tart than Mr Kipling
11. So she smiteth a second time, and arry seeth more stars than the probe that is called Hubble
12. Then goeth arry home and lo! he anointeth his seat with the balm that is called Sav-lon
13. And he thinketh, surely I have received the perfect present which is seasonal
14 Whereat I rejoice.
15. Then he did admire his stripes in the glass, for he is a trophy tart for ever and ever.
Here endeth the Book of arry.
Edited Wed 26 Dec 07, 8:45 PM by Switchy_arry
| 26 Dec 07, 8:42 PM electricfog UK, 7 yrs |
Loved it! When't the next installment? | ||
| 26 Dec 07, 8:51 PM Switchy_arry UK(WF), 11 yrs |
Well, you can't rush this sort of thing, I had to pay a dozen professors of ancient semitic languages triple time over Xmas to get this far... | ||
| 26 Dec 07, 9:31 PM electricfog UK, 7 yrs |
But you could have just scanned the scribings on your bum and emailed them to the professors. | ||
| 26 Dec 07, 9:42 PM Switchy_arry UK(WF), 11 yrs |
Scanner down over Xmas, I'm afraid! | ||
| 26 Dec 07, 9:58 PM electricfog UK, 7 yrs |
You could have sent a note up the chimney! | ||
| 26 Dec 07, 9:59 PM crystaltips UK(S), 5 yrs |
thou should try the balm called arnica - not as smelly as savlon. it was good to meet you 'arry. How are the balls of fire? | ||
| 26 Dec 07, 10:21 PM Switchy_arry UK(WF), 11 yrs |
They're being thrown around Blackpool Tower circus in their Xmas show.
| ||
| 27 Dec 07, 10:00 AM morphia UK(W), 10 yrs  |
brilliant Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid sideways through the door, thoroughly used, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming..... 'Wow, what a Trip' | ||
| 27 Dec 07, 11:32 AM Da_Pix UK, 6 yrs |
Hahaha. Excellent. I want most of that, some of that, a bit of that, 3/4's of that, & none of that. I hope you read that carefully, cos it will all change tomorrow. | ||
| 27 Dec 07, 8:58 PM Sweetiejar UK(S), 11 yrs |
You are such a clever boy.....I will have to think up a suitable reward for such entertainment. xxxxxxxxx Sweetiejar |
