Hard (or soft) limits... (76)

bellahindia gets it about right... I was merely linking up to the cliché that appears on so many profiles which is usually no kids, no scat and no animals....

I wasn't being especially pointed in my language, as I started the thread in a fairly laid-back manner... was just thinking aloud about things that 'squick' people (and so might be limits) as opposed to the somewhat existential debate I seem to have unleashed in the person of sisterflaminghair. Though perhaps that is par for the course with her.

On the more serious point... if you use definitions to apply narrow boundaries to things, then clearly children are not a part of bdsm. Though one probably ought to say, similarly, that homosexuality is not a part of bdsm, either, since the latter would be much more precisely what it is, irrespective of sexual predilection.

I guess the wider question - and one where we might disagree - is that I believe all sexuality tends to lie on a continuum: that it encompasses those activities that society currently considers to be "normal", and shifts, gradually (like language, shifting across dialects) until it reaches places that society would not find acceptable.

I think there is an interaction between what sexuality exists and the way society governs itself (I suspect rigid penalties for nonconformity do have some effect). And society changes its view, from time to time, of what is considered to be acceptable.

What I do not believe is that some sexual activity is so different that it belongs in a box that is totally separate from all other sexual activity. That is, socially, we may pass laws to make it so: but the actual desire remains where it is irrespective of social (dis)approval.

Regards,

John

Interesting link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/objectification_in...
http://www.spiked-online.com/index.php?/site/art...
"I'm shocked - shocked to find that gambling is going on in here"

i really need to give it some consideration...

my hard limits are likely to be silly things like how i don't really want to kiss or say/do really really embarrassing things, especially in public.

However, those aren't really hard limits because they are things i can and would do.

Aren't hard limits something someone would never ever want to do. In which case, apart from the obvious ones, i don't have any....yet.

Hm, i'm clueless and i'm sorry i've wasted a post blithering on with no real clear decent answer

I put my hand up to getting this wrong if I do (I've just had a few black russians..the drink by the way) but I wanted to make a comment on the cliche issue that Manniq refers to here. I have to admit I always found it ridiculous that anyone felt it necessary to refer to children and animals as hard limits as I have never felt that they were part of BDSM. I have now reviewed the animal issue however....as it would appear that for SOME, animals (ok, sub+dog) are a rather popular ...er...pleasure? I still feel a bit silly listing it as a hard limit when in discussion with a dom though but having it raised as a subject on more than one occasion I feel it is necessary to point it out as a hard limit. Tut tut...I tell you, my pure and 'ahem' innocent mind has been wrecked by it.

Yes, manniq, please do feel free to attack me, either directly or sideways, any time I disagree with you (or Redcat) in a thread. I'm not at all offended. In fact, I think it's an amusing little habit you seem to practice with consistency. Though, the amusement value probably only comes about because I don't take you or bdsm as seriously or with as much importance as you do. Best regards!

i love meat but a cheese sandwich everytime as i could not personally kill an animal,however i have been made to eat the green chillies in a kebab which i detest (the chillies not the kebab).......so is it allright to make a meat eater eat vegetables he detests ok but not a vegetarian eat meat?

If someone owns you they have certain responsibilities and they should recognise that. Hard limits exist for a reason and no one should expect you to relax them. Soft limits are another issue of course and are more ...i really don't wany to do this but if it's what you want i will.

Ignoring Hard Limits is surely a breach of contract ?

naughty but nice

Presumably you dont have morals, principles or medical conditions which stop you eating some foods, you merely dont like them? Not having a go at newexperiences as it was maybe a flippant comment, but I really do find _some_ attitudes towards vegetarians very condescending and arrogant whereas the stereotypical vegetarian, bleating* about others eating meat is very rarely heard.

As to the earlier comments on the subject, I dare say the 'We are considerably more into bdsm than yew' posters (sorry, the harry enfield line doesnt really come out in print!) are considerably worldly wise about such matters than my humble self, but I alsways thought that along with all else, consensual bdsm also included a respect of the other's morals and principles, not a blatant diregard and contempt for them... unless this was agreed beforehand or along the way of course.

(*pun intended, sorry)

Edited 27 Dec 07, 10:58 AM by teufel_tanz

Apart from getting a fist in the face from an indignant vegan - the connection was tenuous far more likely te new cheese eater was lactose intolerant and that caused the reaction as cheese aint meat.

Scene but never herd