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Subs - Does being a sub change how you argue with your dom? (87)

This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.

21 Dec 07, 11:15 AM
Scribbles
UK(RH), 4 yrs

Romola wrote:
...If something was important enough to argue about, the D/s dynamic wouldn't affect what I said or how I expressed it.

Oddly enough, I think the more important something was, the more likely it is that D/s might feel relevant to it. I'm not so fussed about differing attitudes or habits over tiny things, but the things I want and need to learn about are the bigger issues, and they could well emerge as points of conflict.

I imagine though that this is just looking at the subject from a different place, rather than a contradiction of Romola's point.

Edited 21 Dec 07, 11:16 AM by Scribbles

21 Dec 07, 3:12 PM
redhotlaura
UK(NW), 4 yrs

I tend not to argue, but I love a good discussion, in which I exhibit logical, well structured and convincing arguments. I'm like that in general, not just with my Dom. The main difference is that he actually does sometimes manage to sway my opinion on something, as his logic is usually faultless!

21 Dec 07, 3:36 PM
redcat
9 yrs

Masters_Delight wrote:
Subs - Does being a sub change how you argue with your dom?

What i mean is, when your with your Dom/me and your having an argument do you back down because your the sub or do you argue your point? I dont mean argue in a D/s sense, i mean an everyday niggle /argument that is nothing to do with the D/s dynamic. Does the fact that your a sub deter you from arguing?

Edited to add the word dynamic and change the title coz the first one didnt put across what i meant properly.x

quite often there isn't a right and a wrong...there are just differing opinions and this girl is still learning to let go and accept that someone elses opinion is just as valid as her own....

she is more likely to be heard and listened to if she puts something accross politely and definitely loses brownie points after an event by saying 'see this girl WAS right'.

When there is a right and a wrong answer..its polite not to insist on being right and sometimes its good for this girl to allow someone else to be wrong even and discover that the world doesn't grind to a shuddering halt and life does just go on.

This girl is also learning very slowly that having the last word isn't attractive whether it happens now or three weeks hence.

Discussion however (as opposed to arguing and point scoring as above) is much encouraged in our house and Manniq would be just as likely to say we BOTH learn from the experience.

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To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. – Bertrand Russel.

22 Dec 07, 3:12 AM
Romola
UK, 7 yrs

redcat wrote:
quite often there isn't a right and a wrong...there are just differing opinions and this girl is still learning to let go and accept that someone elses opinion is just as valid as her own....

Not about everything though, and the exceptions are the only things I would ever argue about anyway. I sometimes argue that I am right, not because it is important to me psychologically to be right, but because I think I am rtight and because I think convincing someone else of my rightness will have wider consequences. Everything else is discussion and exploration, not argument. There are bound to be subjects where your level of knowledge is such that anyone of any intelligence is likely to recognise that you are likely to be right on that particular question. If you were in a relationship with someone who didn't have the ability to recognise that, wouldn't you lose some respect for them? Which itself has major implications for D/s.

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever.

22 Dec 07, 9:35 AM
lucky_1
7 yrs

Yes, it does.

It is the one bit of major behaviour modification that I did with my hubby. He hated arguements and would simply walk away. After all you can't argue with yourself!

He taught me to go to him with anything that bothered me and express it calmly.

With capi and J I am a bit more hot headed at times and to be honest it is not something I like.

"Tone and content" is one of J's little sayings. I get warned about tone and content if I push it too far.

I have also learned that argueing, for some people, is a release and that it can be good and healthy and constructive but it does not make me feel that way so for me it is something that I see as a negative behaviour in myself.

Must try harder (note to self)

The more that pleasure turns into pain, the more inclined I am to stand and take it. Texas 2005

22 Dec 07, 11:56 AM
Masters_Delight
UK(WD), 4 yrs

Thanx again everyone for your replies.x

Submission isnt a gift...
..Its like respect, you have to earn it.

22 Dec 07, 12:17 PM
sub121
UK, 5 yrs

I have a very strong opinion on some things. If I feel I am right I don"t back down. This can be a bad thing from the point of view of seeing other people points of view. Any way a Dom does not want a sub who is just going to jump and say "how high madam". I have the balls to stand up to my Dom if I feel I need to.

22 Dec 07, 12:23 PM
Nina951
UK(BL), 8 yrs

Masters_Delight wrote:
Subs - Do you argue as subs?

What i mean is, when your with your Dom/me and your having an argument do you back down because your the sub or do you argue your point? I dont mean argue in a D/s sense, i mean an everyday niggle /argument that is nothing to do with D/s. Does the fact that your a sub deter you from arguing?

jakeskajira wrote:
...Yeah, I am not only stubborn, but I am OCD, so I can't stop until I finish it. and I will wait patiently, hours, days, weeks to finish my sentence...

PMSL! This is so true for me and gets me into sooo much trouble!

With regard to the OP though, I don't tend to have heated arguments anyway, more discussions and I think I do temper my language and approach slightly with H. Not to say that it would stop me from expressing my opinion though, just that I tend to word it a little more respectfully (and will still carry on till I have fully had my say!).

Nina x

Love who you are (and yes, it's my bum again)

22 Dec 07, 8:19 PM
Masters_Delight
UK(WD), 4 yrs

What iv noticed in a few posts (not all, just some) is that when the Doms say ENOUGH! or words to that effect, the subs tend to back down. I just cant do that, in fact if anything it would make me more determind to finish what i have to say. Not very subby i know...

Submission isnt a gift...
..Its like respect, you have to earn it.

22 Dec 07, 10:09 PM
luke35
TH, 4 yrs

Never compromise, be strong and only surrender to the power of reason and logic. If you are right, you are right and your submissive nature has no bearing on the subject at hand.

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