Posted by ColdHarbour
on Tue 4 Dec 07, 3:22 PM to ColdHarbour's blog.
I think I've worked out why my friend likes bulldogs. They share certain personality traits. Once either has sunk their teeth into you, neither knows how to let go! I was shopping in Wimbledon yesterday and stopped off for a pee and a pint in a pub I've not been in for years. She found me!
She said: “I've not forgotten you know!”
I said: “I have! How much did I lend you? A fiver?”
She said: “Ooops! Fuck! Sorry! I forgot about that. I'll see you Friday when I get my housekeeping. You know that weren't what I meant, though. I meant … you know … what we was talking about last time.”
I said: “What? About you entering a wet T-shirt contest?”
She said: “No! Leave my tits out of it. I just got distracted and missed my mouth. No, I mean … you know … the other thing. Whatsname! Polyagony? Polygarmi? Poly-some-fucking-thing! You promised to tell me how it works.”
I said: “No I didn't. I said you could carry on asking. That's not promising to tell you anything. I told you before — what happens between me and my slaves is private. I'm not giving you details!”
She said: “Meanie! I still don't believe you've only got a little one. You got me right horny last time just thinking about … you know what! I bet you do get them to all pile in bed with you. Dirty bugger! How do you decide who goes first?”
I said: “How much? How much do you bet?”
She said: “What? Oh … I don't fucking know. How about that fiver I owe you? Double or quits?”
I said: “Done! You now owe me a tenner!”
She said: “No! Fuck off! That's not fair! You haven't fucking said nothing. What sort of fucking answer is that when it's at home?”
I said: “The only one you're going get. I told you — I don't talk about …. “
She said: “I know, it's all private. Blah, blah! Like a fucking cracked record you are sometimes. Go on! Tell me! I'm really interested. Not messing about! Tell me and I'll show you my tits!”
I said: “You what? What are you on?! It's not even half-past-twelve yet! How many have you had?”
She said: “Only this one I'm holding … Well, plus a half of lager I had in the pub down the road, but I was busting to go loo-loo and I don't like just diving in and out without buying something.”
I said: “So …. Sorry! Run that past me again? I think my ears need syringing!”
She said: “Tell me how you … you know … DO IT! I mean I'm lucky if my old man manages to stay awake long enough to do me. So how come you can manage all your little slave girls? Go on! Tell me and I'll show you my tits. You talk to them half the time so you might as well have a proper look. Besides, I always get really horny this time of the month and I'm dying to know if it is what I think it is.”
I said: “Why don't you just buy new batteries? Do your liver a favour and rent a video or something! That's got to be cheaper than following me around, picking porn out of my brain in pubs. And a lot more fun!”
She said: “What do I want fucking batteries for? I broke my little Walkman thingy so I'm nagging my old man into buying me one of them MP-whatnots for Christmas. I don't think they need batteries, do they? I thought you just re-charge them like a phone.”
I said: “I wasn't talking about your noise-maker. I meant you'd be better off buying new batteries for your vibrator than talking to me. Or is that why the batteries are flat? I thought you were in a hurry to get home the other night.”
She said: “Fuck off! I don't … I mean, I never … I mean…. How did you know? Just don't tell my old man, okay? He's already jealous of my old spin dryer!”
I said: “So I take it your Henry doesn't know he's married to a totally insane sex-maniac?”
She said: “No! He thinks he's married to a dumb-blonde sex-maniac! So do you want to have a look or not. Go on! I know you want to really and it's not like you'll be seeing nothing half of Ibetha didn't have a good look at when I was on holiday. I just think it's fucking fascinating how other people live. Honest! But you didn't know I watch all them foreign documentaries on the telly.”
I said: “Will it shut you up if I say yes? Oh fuck … okay! Go on then. Show me!”
She said: “What now? Fuck off! I'm not getting my thru'penny-bits out in here? I meant after you tell me how it all works. And just a quick look, okay? No grabbing. I am married, you know. Besides, I'm horny enough as it is.”
I said: “No! You owe me a tenner already, remember! You're out of credit! If you want answers, you pay up front! Just admit it. You haven't got the bottle!”
She said: “Fucking have! I just can't! Not here in front of everybody! Don't look at me like that. I will I just … ooooh … alright then! Here, if I lean forward and you lean forward, you can have a quick look down the front of my top.”
I said: “Nice bra!”
She said: “Well, it's your own fucking fault for not waiting. I need to go wee-wee in a minute so I was going to take it off in the bog, only you've missed your chance now. Plus it is lace so you have sort of had a look. Go on. Tell me!”
I said: “Did the bra come with matching knickers? Have you got them on?”
She said: “Course I fucking have. What kind of old slag do you take me for? I mean, what if I was to get run over or something? I'm not having all them young doctors at the hospital saying: 'Here have a look at this stupid old tart, wearing a sexy bra and some tatty old pair of old nix that need washing'. I'd just fucking die of fucking shame!”
I said: “Okay, as you're feeling playful … Take your knickers and bra off when you go to the loo and I'll satisfying your curiosity. But you still owe me £10!”
She said: “And here's me thinking you was a proper gentleman! The quicker we get you fucking laid the better! But …. Okay! Deal!”
I said: “Okay! When I have slaves living with me, they don't sleep in my bed. They have their own. Sometimes I bring them into my bed. Sometimes I join them in theirs. Mostly though … Well, let's just say that I'm not as young as I used to be. You know? But we manage!”
She said: “But how? That's what I want to know. I mean, if you're not giving them one every night, how come they've always got such big smiles on their faces every time I see them?”
I said: “That's a different question. You've had your lot for today!”
She said: “I'll let you have a sniff of my nix if you tell me. They're bit wet, mind, but I bet you like 'em that way; dirty little git like you.”
I said: “And you call me a pervert! I thought you needed to go to the lavatory!”
She said: “I already did while you was up at the bar getting the drinks in. I feel all naked now. I can't believe I fucking done it! Where's my drink? I'm fucking shaking!"
I said: “They're bringing it over with my Guinness. You emptied the bottle. Lift your skirt. No! Not that much. Just so you're not sitting on it. You've come this far. You may as well do it properly.”
She said: “Ooooooooh! It feels all funny! Nobody can see can they?”
I said: “No. It's just our little secret. But are you starting to get it now? Why mine don't need me hung like a horse? Their minds give them pleasure! As for their bodies …. Maybe I'll tell you one day! Or maybe I'll let them tell you.”
She said: “I hope this chair's clean. It won't show will it? I mean, it is velvet and I am … you know … Fuck! I can't believe I'm fucking doing this!!”
I said: “So …. buying batteries on the way home are we?”
She said: “I don't suppose you could lend me another fiver until Friday, could you? I don't think I've got enough cash on me.”
I said: “Are you going home like that? Or are you going to get dressed first?”
She said: “If I promise to go home like this, will you lend me a tenner?”
I said: “No! I was going to lend you another £10 anyway but it's up to you if you put your clothes back on or not. It won't mean anything if you do it for money. Whatever you decide, you have to do it for yourself.”
She said: “It won't show, will it? I mean people won't know I got nothing on under my skirt and that will they?”
I said: “Probably not, but that's up to you as well. If you want them to know, just bend over. All that really matters is that you know. Just try not to fall arse over tit like you did the last time you tried staggering home in those shoes.”
She said: “Okay. I'll do it. So does this make me like one of your slave girls or something now?”
I said: “No! It just makes you more fun than annoying. Keep this up and I might even start to actually like you.“
She said: “Fuck off! Cheeky cunt! You know you can't get enough of me!”
I said: “Speaking of which …. I thought you were going to show me …”
She said: “I was only I was hoping you'd walk me to the end of my road and you have to stand up for that. I knew you was lying about how little your dick is!”
I said: “That's just a fold in my jeans!”
Edited Tue 4 Dec 07, 4:32 PM by ColdHarbour
| 4 Dec 07, 4:52 PM goodghirl UK, 8 yrs  |
nice jeans ; ) Grizwald O'Connor The 93rd rocks my world | ||
| 4 Dec 07, 5:46 PM ColdHarbour UK(SW), 4 yrs |
Behave! Actually, those jeans are rubbish but the buttons on all my favourite 501s keep exploding so .. err ... that's exploding due to sheer old-age, over-use and fabric fatigue, I hasten to add.
you are not that lucky girl You cannot run away from what is inside you — African proverb | ||
| 4 Dec 07, 6:33 PM goodghirl UK, 8 yrs |
Or good ; ) Grizwald O'Connor The 93rd rocks my world |
