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| Grimly |
on Fri 14 Jan 05, 1:09 PM to Grimly's blog.
This might be a bit controversial be warned!!!
In my opinion a sub that does not think for him/her self is a doormat!! I know that there are subs out there who don't want to make decisions for themselves and Doms and Dommes who don't want their subs to make decisions.
I have a rather low opinion of Dominants who fall into this category, as in my experience they tend to be either, sad numpties who have low self esteem and are looking for someone with lower self esteem than they have or are abusers who use BDSM as an excuse or cover for their unacceptable sociopathic behaviour. Sadly over the years I have seen an increase in this type of Dom (yep mostly men) hanging around the scene. Fortunately most are easy to spot, you know the sort of emails, “kneel bitch” or “asl” or some other badly spelt one line rubbish. Then there are the ones that turn up at clubs with every toy they own hanging from their belt like some ridiculous hoola skirt, or wearing a “matrix” style leather coat buttoned to the neck whilst everyone else is praying for air conditioning.
In my experience the best subs are intelligent, independent, strong willed, capable of making their own decisions, perfectly capable of articulating what it is they want from their Dom/me and bring something interesting into the relationship. They are not afraid to try new things and can push the level of play along by bringing fresh ideas to the table and dare I say it keep the Dom on his toes. I'm not talking about toping from the bottom here( that generally only happens when the sub is better or more experienced than the Dom) I'm talking about a balanced relationship. A sub that has low self esteem should be nurtured by the Dom and encouraged to grow and develop. Trust is something that grows with time and is a two way thing and its important for a sub to be able to trust the Dom not to do something stupid, dangerous, or unacceptable. As the trust grows so does the understanding of the wants and needs of both parties, it's a two way thing after all.
I think if I was in a relationship where I had to make every decision and got no feedback I would tire of it very quickly. Ok so I do like to be in control and I like to get my own way but I also need to be told sometimes “no i'm not going to walk round the shops in ballet boots” or “its -5 out there i'm not wearing a miniskirt and crop top! its woolly jumper and leggings or I'm not budging from the fire”. In other words a bit of realism. Away from play its nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation or share some other interest and also to have things that we don't share and do independently.
Ok so its different strokes for different folks but give me a sub with a brain any day Cheers Grimly
Edited Fri 14 Jan 05, 1:25 PM by Grimly
