Posted by caprycorn on Thu 18 Oct 07, 5:46 PM to caprycorn's blog.
Am in a slightly savage mood. Not because anything has gone wrong here (sorry to disappoint the few slugs who revel in the misery of others). In fact, it's more than good. I've just come back from a few days bliss with my girlfriend, our Dominant has had some amazing opportunities put before him in the past few days, we're moving house soon (fingers crossed) and it's Friday tomorrow. Life, in short, is good.
Except I'm getting exasperated with some stuff. Bits and pieces but it's still rubbing me up the wrong way. So I think I'll vent here instead.
And the theme for my tale of vitriol on this fine sunny evening is serial arseholes. Male and female, sub and Dom, I'm talking about those highly irritating fuckwits that lurch from relationship to relationship, declaring love everlasting one minute and then woe it's all over the next. It seems to leap from "I LOVE them, more than I have ever loved any man / woman in the world, ever ever ever. I adore them, worship them, want to be with them forever....except oh look I've changed my mind now and don't love them any more and instead I'll move onto the next one."
And because such people are usually semi-literate (gotta be able to talk the talk to have the next one lined up) then there always is a next one. Previous partners just didn't understand them, dontcha know? It's such a struggle to find someone compatible, and oh look I think it's you.... except I've decided now it's not so bye bye and time to move on again.
I'm still not too sure why people do this. I'm not sure if it's narcissism or insecurity or a combination of a thousand and one factors. It's almost as though as soon as the pink and fluffy roseate wrapping around someone is removed, once the shiny newness has faded, then the real person just isn't appealing enough. I don't understand it at all, and it annoys me because there is a lot of hurt and bewilderment caused too when passionate declarations of love are suddenly shut off and instead it's cold shoulder time. The only consolation to the person on the receiving end is to point out the repeating nature of the pattern and emphasise that perhaps they have had a very fortunate escape. Which I believe is actually true.
See, the thing is, I like working out what makes people tick. What makes them function. Their flaws as well as their features because we all have them. I of course am perfect, don't forget, but that's just me and no point measuring yourselves against my pristine flawlessness. Well, that's true if chaos and temper and contrariness and stubbornness is your idea of perfection. What do you mean it's not??? How very dare you!
I'm also one of the most provoking women in the world, according to himself. A few weeks into our relationship and the man who never lost his temper was shouting at me "I never lose my fucking temper and a few weeks of you is enough to have me shouting. You are the most annoying woman in the world and drive me up the fucking wall!" Imagine a mutley style laugh here because I think that's when I realised how much he loves me - I drive him to distraction and yet here we still are, four years later. He's irascible, often lazy, a serial flirt and even more stubborn than I am. As for her, our Lucky, well she's stroppy, can be a complete control freak and quite capable of throwing her own wobblers as and when she chooses.
In short all of us are well rounded people. Normal. Warts (metaphorical ones) and all. Not sterile facsimiles but instead those who choose to be together and accept that our loved ones fuck up and that we do too from time to time. It happens.
I won't say that I pity those who are serial relationshippers because I don't pity them. I wish they wouldn't do what they do but hey, go figure. I do feel sorry for some who fall foul of them, but the old adage of picking yourself up really does apply. The best thing about the serial ones is that they can't sustain much of anything beyond the early stages, and so you might get your fingers burned by them but not the whole hand. It doesn't tend to last long enough for that. The trick is not to let it sour you for future explorations. Easier said than done, but all that glisters really is not gold. When it's iron pyrite instead, just let your eyes readjust from the dazzle and look clearly at what it is that you had, rather than what you wished it to be. Cold comfort perhaps but nonetheless true - it's better to find out now rather than later on down the line.
To someone out there, chin up lovely. You know where I am if you need me, which is only ever a phonecall away.
